Childrens Hospital, SYTYCD, and Love Bites

What to watch on Thursday, June 9.

It's official: Thursday night is a wasteland. What is even going on anymore? I'm not saying there's NOTHING on tonight (see below), I'm just saying the pick'ns are slim. Watch out for tumbleweeds!

12am, Cartoon Network
Childrens Hospital
What, you can't find FIFTEEN MINUTES in your day to watch the funniest thing on television? Whoops, sorry, that came off kind of harsh. I didn't mean it like that. Don't be sore at me. Anyway! Tune in for tonight's FIFTEEN-MINUTE episode, which finds Parks & Recreation's Nick Offerman going undercover in the children's psych ward, plus Sarah Silverman showing up for more awkward confrontations with Blake.

8pm, Fox
So You Think You Can Dance
Meet your top 20 dancers, America! It's hard to believe this year's crop will be as great as last year's, but fingers crossed!

10pm, NBC
Love Bites
Guest-starring in tonight's episode of this weird romance anthology series: Buffy's Michelle Trachtenberg, That '70s Show's Kurtwood Smith, Six Feet Under's Francis Conroy, Everybody Loves Raymond's Doris Roberts, and Arrested Development's Jeffrey Tambor. Storylines include one about a lady who must resort to being merely a best friend to her crush, and one about a dude who takes up knitting in order to impress his crush. Exciting!

SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10pm, Investigation Discovery
Nightmare Next Door
What is this, a show about the loud, constantly arguing party girls who live next door to me? Haha j/k, no it's not. It's about murders, kidnappings—things like that. In tonight's episode, when a family is attacked by an intruder, investigators uncover a vengeance-based motive. (They own multiple chihuahuas?)

10pm, ABC Family
Billy Madison
"Mr. Madison, what you've just said... Is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." #stillthebest

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...

4th & Forever, 9 p.m., Current
First 48, 9 & 10 p.m., A&E;
Police Women of Broward County, 9 p.m., TLC
Swamp People, 9 p.m., A&E;
Jackass 3.5: Unrated, ORIGINAL MOVIE, 10 p.m., MTV
Mounted in Alaska, 10 p.m., History
NY Ink, 10 p.m., TLC
Real Housewives of New York City, 10 p.m., Bravo
Swords: Life on the Line, 10 p.m., Discovery

LATE-NITE PICKS:

Conan O'Brien on Lopez Tonight, 12 a.m., TBS
Gary Dell'Abate on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS
Kathy Griffin & J.J. Abrams on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Morgan Freeman on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Neil Patrick Harris & Mike Birbiglia on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Selena Gomez on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Wanda Sykes & Raphael Saadiq on The Mo'Nique Show, 11 p.m., BET

What are you watching tonight?