Could Colin Cowherd's CBS Comedy Pilot Become the Next Two and a Half Men?

With Charlie Sheen fully embracing his manic side, CBS is surely in a tight spot. Two and a Half Men is the network’s baby, expected to make it about $160 million next season. Whether it will actually return remains unclear. But CBS is not only already awash in similar comedies, it has a steady stream of new ones coming down the pike.

Case in point: The network has been developing a comedy pilot based on the life of professional ESPN sports blusterer Colin Cowherd. Two of Men’s executive producers are already attached. Our friends at sports whistleblower site Deadspin recently got ahold of the pilot script, and passed some choice quips to us. We’ve made the names generic to make a point: Just try to not read the protagonist as Charlie Harper, or say the interchangeable hot girl couldn’t be played by any of the interchangeable hot girls from Men.

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PROTAGONIST is "fortyish, confident, good looking and well dressed, though he'd never admit he tries."

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PROTAGONIST: (about his ex, who got breast implants) "Is she kidding with that t-shirt? 'Keeping It Real'? There's nothing real in that shirt!"

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PROTAGONIST: "Honey. She's my ex. I stare at car wrecks, too. That doesn't mean I want to be in one."

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PROTAGONIST: What is the etiquette when someone you know gets a boob job? Do you compliment them on their purchase? Or do you pretend you think they suddenly hit puberty at the age of thirty four?

FRIEND: So how big did she go? Katy Perry? Pam Anderson!

PROTAGONIST: No comment. (THEN) Salma Hayek.

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HOT GIRL (about her breasts): Dude, this is how these puppies came out of the box. Ninth grade. (Makes double explosion sound.)

PROTAGONIST: That must have been an awesome year.

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UNCOOL COMPATRIOT, to PROTAGONIST: Women. Can't live with 'em, can't have heterosexual sex without 'em.

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UNCOOL COMPATRIOT: I was going to invite that hot girl!

PROTAGONIST: I'll make a deal with you. I'll let you off the hook if you can tell me the hot girl's name.

UNCOOL COMPATRIOT: That's easy.

PROTAGONIST: Her real name. Big Red doesn't count.

UNCOOL COMPATRIOT: Crap. (Shot in the dark) Tanya.

PROTAGONIST: Tamara.

UNCOOL COMPATRIOT: I got the T right!

*****

With or without Sheen, and regardless of whether the venerable Two and a Half Men name stays on the air, it doesn’t look like CBS’s comedy lineup is shaking up anytime soon. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Comments (19)
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Mar 07, 2011
Well, yes it could be the next 2 and a half man...but that's not a good thing.
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Mar 06, 2011
I agree with vicbjones.

if Alan and Herb would be together, the show would be hilarious
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Mar 05, 2011
I've never seen the series,
but if they show Jenny McCarthy nekkid and wigglin' her assets,
I promise to watch every week! ;)
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Mar 05, 2011
CBS should just cancel Two and a Half Men, but conceivably it could continue if Herb divorced Judith and he and Alan moved in together.
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Mar 04, 2011
No, the jokes are exactly like these in "Two and a Half Men". The difference is that you're reading them here without faces, playing them...
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Mar 04, 2011
So first Mad Love (aka HIMYM clone), now this. Hey CBS I got your new idea! It's a show about a hot blonde aspiring recording artist who befriends 4 nerdy 20 something CHEMISTS? Great eh? How about you pay me a couple million and we get this ball rolling!
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Mar 04, 2011
Those jokes are quite plain and boring. And Charlie Harper (whatever you might think about Sheen) is hillarious.
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Mar 04, 2011
agrreed, will be a flop
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Mar 04, 2011
The show will fail without Sheen... it's like when John Ritter died and they tried to keep it going as 8 simple rules or whatever. Obviously different scenarios and different quality people, but the end result would be the same.
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Mar 04, 2011
Despite popular opinion, 2 1/2 men is not the best show on CBS, not even close. Can anyone say HIMYM and NCIS? Yeah, I thought so!
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Mar 04, 2011
I have never heard of this Colin guy.
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Mar 04, 2011
I'd rather have Two and a Half Men.
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Mar 04, 2011
It can work without Sheen. The Alan Character is funnier. All the people on the show are pretty funny. Kind of like Seinfeld was.They had the right actors where every one of them were just right for their roles. Just call it "Men."
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Staff
Mar 04, 2011
Colin Cowherd is everything that is wrong with the world today.
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Mar 04, 2011
NO Thanks
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Mar 04, 2011
I think that if 2 1/2 men comes back it will be without Sheen. But CBS would probably be smartest just to drop it all together. That would close out any ties CBS has to Sheen and any contracts they have with him. Why bother to bring the show back when there's the likelihood they'll just wind up having to drop it mid-season?
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Mar 04, 2011
Meh.
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Mar 04, 2011
So now I'm supposed to believe that Colin Cow-turd is cool???? There's only so much reality I can suspend.
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Mar 04, 2011
I think I'd rather watch Charlie Sheen sit on a chair ranting and raving every week, than watch either of these shows...
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