Covert Affairs: Love Hurts

Covert Affairs S03E04: “Speed of Life”

Love was in the air over at Covert Affairs... for about ten minutes. Annie and Simon and Auggie and Parker faced some job-related obstacles to romantic bliss and, well, you know how they say “love conquers all?”

Not so much, here.

A break-in at a defense contractor put every government office on alert—from the FBI to Homeland Security—and mastermind Simon, the guy behind the theft of those top secret computer chips, ditched his plans to take in the sights in Edinburgh, opting to surprise Annie in Washington instead. You know, because he thinks she’s an awesome girlfriend. Definitely not because all of the increased security after the break-in made it hard for his cat burglar to get the loot to him overseas.

Annie found herself navigating the precarious waters where real life and spy life overlapped. Lena’s office managed to cobble together an apartment for Annie Walker: Smithsonian Employee, but playing girlfriend with Simon meant blowing off Danielle (who took it as well as Danielle ever does) and ducking real life acquaintances in public who could unwittingly blow her cover.

Her mission was further complicated by her insistence on bringing the FBI into the loop regarding Simon, the break-in at the defense contractor, and the burglar. It was a move that Lena didn’t approve of, especially considering Annie’s insistence on reaching out to the other agency DESPITE Lena already telling her not to. Annie’s face during the ensuing lecture was priceless. She was so shocked that Lena was reprimanding her. That’s our Annie, all grown up and defiant. It’s like her spy career has entered its teenage years.

For a while, Annie managed to navigate between her real and manufactured personae well, but when the FBI revealed that it had figured out that Simon was involved with the theft and that it had also figured out when the exchange would take place and planned to bust the entire operation, Lena told Annie to interfere. There were bigger fish to fry and they would be better caught with Simon on the loose. If he was present for the FBI bust, Annie’s cover would be blown and the entire operation would be set back to square one. Annie tried to convince the FBI to back down by claiming that Simon was an asset and when the agency refused, she tried to get Simon to skip the drop by playing the neglected girlfriend card. When HE refused to back down, fake Annie had to fake break up her fake relationship with her fake boyfriend so that her fake anger seemed genuine.

In the end, it all seemed to be for nothing. The FBI bust went through as planned, but the buyer who was meeting the burglar wasn’t Simon and the briefcase that was supposed to contain the stolen chips was empty. Somewhere else in town, Simon walked away with the contraband, having met with some random background security guard we fleetingly saw during the break-in, the REAL keeper of the chips. I see what you did there, Covert Affairs. That was slick. You’re so slick this season. Keep it up.

So, Annie “broke up” with Simon to keep him out of the FBI’s clutches, but he managed to avoid them anyway. Cue the fake make-up?

Negative, Ghost Rider. Lena insisted that Annie’s cover could have still been compromised and sent her back to the DPD. OUCH.

That hardly cued the end of the Annie and Simon’s awkward fake romance, though. He hit her up later to issue an apology... which she accepted. What do you think? Was Annie’s acceptance sincere or do you think she’s going rogue and taking spy matters into her own hands? OR, is the entire demotion a ruse itself?

And where was Auggie in all of this? Getting brilliantly drunk at a bar for most of it, actually. Things started out well enough with a topless Auggie fielding the kinds of questions from Parker that a spy girlfriend should know not to ask. For a second there, I thought Parker might be our new Danielle, since Danielle is moving to California and all. You know, the clueless family member who exists solely to ask things like, “What are you working on at your super top secret spy job?” just to remind us that being a spy is, in fact, super top secret.

But alas, even Auggie’s awesome abs weren’t enough to persuade Parker to stick around. She claimed that she couldn’t marry Auggie because they didn’t really know each other. He asked if it was the spy thing and she said that it was, but in a bit of writing I actually applaud for giving Parker more depth in her decision process than just being angry about Auggie’s job, she went on to point out that they don’t know ANYTHING about each other, really.

Auggie was unfazed and claimed that they would get to know each other over time, that that’s how engaged couples do it.

No, dude, it’s really not. Not if you want to have a HEALTHY relationship, anyway.

Still, justified or not, that was a tough break-up to watch. Auggie’s face! The desperation! The hurt! He may have rushed into things, but Auggie’s feelings were clearly genuine. He eventually wound up at a bar, calling Annie to come take over BFF duty. Unfortunately, Annie was busy trying to keep her fake relationship with Simon alive, and by the time she was freed up to meet him, the stack of shot glasses in front of Auggie Anderson was daunting. My stomach was churning just looking at them. He’s going to be praying to the porcelain god in the morning. And after getting into a bar fight with another patron, complete with the shattering of a beer bottle over the guy’s head, I have a feeling that porcelain god is going to be in a jail cell somewhere.

Somebody pass the aspirin, everybody was hurting by the end of this episode.

Super Secret Spy Notes

– “You are actively cockblocking a national security op.” Ladies and gentlemen, Lena Smith.

– It was Joan’s turn to take a lie detector test about Jai’s murder. She was uncooperative, too. I feel bad for the guy in charge of testing all these people. Every single one of them goes on a defensive rant despite the fact that as professionals, they should be able to understand that the man is just doing his job.

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