Covert Affairs: Pirate Protocol

Covert Affairs S03E03: “The Last Thing You Should Do”

Pirates make everything better... except when it comes to telling your fiancée that you’re a spy for the CIA. Then pirates are terrible inconveniences that make an already difficult conversation about a thousand times more suckass. Welcome to Auggie’s world.

So, after an afternoon chilling in the Red Sea with Parker’s Peace Corp pals, Wade and Debbie, Auggie popped The Question in the most adorable of proposals—stashing her pearl engagement ring in an oyster shell. Swoon.

Everything went south when Debbie slipped and knocked herself out, prompting Wade so send a distress signal to call for help. Bad move, Wade: As Auggie pointed out, pirates around those parts used intercepted distress signals to hone in on potential hostages. I can’t help but wonder, however, why Auggie didn’t perhaps point that out BEFORE their little excursion in pirate infested waters, or why he would even agree to go boating around there. I’m chalking it up to keeping his spy secret safe, but still, it seemed like an uncharacteristically big risk to take on Auggie’s part.

Parker started to show a little suspicion when Auggie emerged as some sort of pirate protocol expert, guiding his fellow hostages through the motions, fluently communicating with their captors, and ultimately orchestrating their escape. Things looked pretty grim when Parker’s ring was jacked by one of the pirates and her response to Auggie admitting that his real job is at the CIA was less than thrilled. To be fair, not being honest about your super dangerous career BEFORE asking someone to marry you is a total dick move.

Back in the States, Lena and Joan were forced to work together to orchestrate Auggie’s rescue. We learned that Lena has a habit of borrowing Joan’s assets and returning them in body bags. Joan didn’t appreciate Lena hijacking a French satellite to get surveillance on Auggie’s captors, which Lena brushed off with, “We can get great results by bending the rules.” Remember, kids, Lena is a capital-B Badass.

I have to give her some credit for actually addressing Annie’s concerns when Annie went to her with the mysterious phone call from Parker’s cell phone. I was expecting her to shrug everything off and tell Annie to go back to shagging Simon for intel.

Covert Affairs photos: "The Last Thing You Should Do"

Auggie’s special forces tattoo betrayed his past to Annalise, the American Pirate Queen in charge of negotiating with Lena for her captives’ ransom. She opted not to settle for the measly $2 million Lena had to offer and pointed out that she could get four for Auggie alone if she gave Hezbollah a call. The price steadily rose from $8 million to $10 million to $15 million following a botched rescue attempt from some mercenaries hired by Wade’s dad. Lena stood by her offer of $2 million.

When the pirates decided to move their hostages in the aftermath of that failed rescue, Auggie decided that enough was enough, and when their truck got stopped at a checkpoint in the city, he made his move. I do love me some Action Auggie. Blah blah blah, the pirates commenced with the chasing, but Auggie and Co. made a death-defying leap across two rooftops to be rescued via helicopter. Huzzah.

In the end, armed with the lost ring that poor hapless Wade literally FOUND during his trip to the bathroom in Hostage Land, Auggie proposed again, kneeling this time. I was prepared for Parker to say no. I cringed prematurely and hid behind my hands and everything. However, I’m not entirely convinced of the strength of her yes. It seemed reluctant—and her body language, expression, and the fact that she never put the ring back on all back that up.


What do you say? Is Auggie/Parker pretty much over before it’s even really begun?



Super Secret Spy Notes


– So Danielle is moving to California to give her marriage to Michael a second chance. While I was hard pressed to care because I find Danielle irritating at best, I’m concerned that this is going to eliminate laid-back-fun-times for Annie, and if so, then that WILL be a shame.

– I hate myself for saying this and I know, I KNOW it’s going to end badly at some point this season, but Annie and Simon are kind of adorable.


RELATED STORY: 5 Questions with Covert Affairs' Chris Gorham

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I agree with the Annie/Simon pairing binge adorable and I think Annie is developing genuine feelings for the guy, even though Lena told her how female operatives generally weren't encouraged to sleep their way through a mission because they develop feelings - way to go Annie! You really showed 'em on this one...

As to Parker/Auggie I think they will stick together for a while, but the honeymoon period is over for those two. Besides Auggie needs to get back to his single status so he and Annie can develop their relationship. I'm not saying they'll end up together, but they will inevitably brush the subject some time in the future. Hopefully sooner than later..
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I agree Parker may not have been 100% certain of her "yes" to Auggie's marriage proposal, but obviously she cares for and loves Auggie--she enthusiastically forgave him for hiding his CIA employment and passionately hugged and kissed him. I don't think her not putting the ring on her finger was indicative of anything significant yet. On other matters, I too was glad to see Brendan Hines from the lamented "Lie to Me", as well as Julianne Nicholson, although I would have preferred to see her in a more sympathetic role.



I'm still uncertain of my opinion of Lena. I was very positive about her until this episode, when she made dicey decisions and seemed to fly by the seat of her pants, results be damned. She didn't seemed too concerned if her decisions cost lives, which of course may be the root of her conflict with Joan. On the positive side, Lena seems to treat Annie with great respect and as an equal, letting Annie make decisions early in their working relationship, as opposed to Joan.
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This episode was great because Auggie dominated most of the screentime. There are a handful of reasons why I enjoy this show so much, but it doesn't change the fact that Auggie (and Chris Gorham's fantastic portrayal of said character) is what keeps me coming back week after week.



I...am not really on board with the Auggie and Parker thing. I felt like she should of at least kept her head until after they were out of mortal danger. Honestly I dont think he made a bad call at all in not telling her who he works for. Secrecy is essential in his job...and I think a small part of him knows that their relationship could be fleeting. I mean when she cried out with the "Who am I marrying?" I couldn't help but think she should be asking that question anyways. They've only been dating for a very short period of time, and even then, most of it has been long distance...she doesn't know who she's marrying yet, CIA or not. that is just a disaster waiting to happen.

-Lena and Joan's pissing match is as amusing as it is aggravating. I hate it..and yet I like it too. I don't really care for Lena though. I find with each episode I like her less and less. Thus far she's bordering on militant feminist...and not in the admirable way, in the man hating and downright mind numbing way. She likes to bend or break the rules, in the means to an end way of hers, and people are disposable and collateral damage even if they don't have to be.
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Hey it was nice to see Brendan Hines from Lie to Me! Very entertaining episode! I don't know if Auggie/Parker will work in the end... I guess Parker will have to weigh everything in...

Danielle sometimes is funny and sometimes is very annoying...

Simon is hot! Let's see what happens...

But so far S3 is excellent!
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It was a good episode. I don't think Auggie and Parker are going to work out. Mostly because there was no way she was going to say no after he saved all of them. The Adrenaline, the endorphins and a multitude of other hormones spinning around her at that moment pretty much guaranteed a yes. However when that wears off, and when he informs her that as a wife of an agent she is going to be limited in her international ventures I think that might be a wedge that will not be able to be rectified. I could be wrong. But Auggie getting married doesn't really seem flow with the whole tragedy of the show, in regards to loved ones and the main characters. Annie and the first guy didn't work out. Joan and Peter are continually rocky at best. And Auggie has had two love interests both that didn't work out.



As for Annie. She is good. I am not sure about her and Simon. She needs to remember that he is a mark and not a love interest.



I am still liking Lena, she is a very good contrast of Joan.



And Danielle leaving. Though could lead to not so much fun times for Annie. However it could lead to Annie being more of a Badass. Which I am all for.
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I never was big on the Auggie/Parker bandwagon. I was sorry she said yes, and will be glad when the romance is over. It slows down the plot.

I also won't be sorry to lose Danielle. She didn't really have a storyline; she was just kind of always there. And House's Cuthroat Bitch deserves more of a part than she ever had.
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Glad Danielle is moving to California... there is a character that is a complete waste of space...



On the other hand - guys bring Jai back from the dead please (and throw in some crazy conspiracy to spice things up)
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Good episode. I think Auggie/Parker have a chance, bu like you, the fact that she took the ring off behind his back is a pretty bad sign to me. Her expression did seem a little apprehensive, like she didn't like what she was getting into, but who knows, maybe I'm just reading too much into this.
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Yeh, no ring AND eyes open during what should be an emotional embrace are not a good sign.



She might just feel "obligated" now considering her blind boyfriend just saved her life from kidnapping-pirates in a far-away land. And she might THINK denying him at this point might seem ungrateful... though from what we know from Auggie he'd more than understand.



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Do you have any idea who played the hostage coordinator? I know I've seen her in something else, but I can't figure out what and it's driving me crazy! She doesn't appear to be credited.
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Julianne Nicholson from Law & Order: Criminal Intent and The Others.
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Thanks so much! That was really starting to bug me!
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You're welcome. I love her freckles. I saw her on "The Others" first and now always recognize her from that rather than anything I've seen her in since.
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It's an impossible situation. Not every proposal ends in marriage. A guy could end up with a whole string of ex-girlfriends who know his biggest secret. One could argue that a guy should NEVER tell that secret until after she says yes.
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I completely agree.
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Agreed. This isn't some small personal secret... this is a national security thing. What if she said no and things didn't end well... she might blab.



People shouldn't compare their regular-world stuff with things WAY outside their scope. Like some idiot was complaining a few months ago something along he lines of "Well, if my boss asks me to do something I don't want to do I tell them no and explain why or I just quit... so why don't soldiers do that if they don't want to go here or do that." UMM, dude... because they can't? The military is different than your desk job.
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