Criminal Minds, Face Off, and Top Chef All-Stars

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What to watch on Wednesday, March 16.

Well here we are again, sliding down the hump (gross!) of midweek. Let's not dwell too much on how very far away the weekend still is. Because, seriously, it is hecka far away. But Wednesday still has its positive aspects! For one thing, tonight is definitely the best night to watch television with your pets. Do you know what shows pets like to watch the most? You're probably thinking that they like animal shows, especially ones set in the African savannahs. But nope! The shows your pets actually like to watch are the CSIs, Law & Orders, Criminal Mindses, NCISs, and really any other show where people get brutally murdered all the time. Pets LOVE that. I don't know what it is about humans getting murdered that pets really enjoy watching, but they're really into that stuff. So go ahead and gather up your cats and dogs, because they are really going to enjoy tonight's programming!


9pm, CBS
Criminal Minds
This week the team just relaxes and has a movie night. Just kidding, there will be so many dead bodies! Tonight, Prentiss's feelings toward her nemesis Doyle get a little more complicated when a series of seemingly unrelated house fires uncovers his involvement in a secretive international organization. (Later, when everything has been cleared up, THEN they will have a movie night.)

10pm, ABC
Off the Map
A hepatitis outbreak at the local prison will keep the team busy for an afternoon but will in no way interfere with their need to disrobe and make out a ton.

SEASON 1 FINALE, 10pm, SyFy
Face Off
In the first-season finale of TV's nerdiest (and awesomest) reality show, the final three contestants "face off" (the show's title) in a fairytale-themed challenge for the grand prize of $100,000. To put that in perspective, that kind of money can buy you almost 230,000 Blow-Pops.

10pm, Bravo
Top Chef All-Stars
This show will NOT let up when it comes to humiliating these all-stars. Tonight, the remaining four contestants must SNORKEL for food items and then prepare them using a bunch of junk that washed up on the beach. But on the upside: PADMA LAKSHMI IN A BIKINI.

10:30pm, A&E;
Storage Wars
Tonight our favorite auction personalities (and Jarrod) descend upon Perris, California for more storage locker treasure hunting. What marvels, oddities, and valuables will the producers have planted this time? Tune in to find out!

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...

America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW
American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox
Minute to Win It, 8 p.m., NBC
Survivor: Redemption Island, 8 p.m., CBS
Are We There Yet?, 9 & 9:30 p.m., TBS
Dog the Bounty Hunter, 9 p.m., A&E;
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., SyFy
Shedding for the Wedding, 9 p.m., CW
Mr. Sunshine, 9:30 p.m., ABC
1,000 Ways to Die, 10 p.m., Spike
Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, 10 p.m., CBS
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 10 p.m., TLC
Hot in Cleveland, 10 p.m., TV Land
I'm Alive, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Justified, 10 p.m., FX
The Real World, 10 p.m., MTV
Retired at 35, 10:30 p.m., TV Land

What are you watching tonight?

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