Dancing With the Stars Cast: An Open Field

Just like the fantasy football draft is better than fantasy football itself, the announcement of the cast of Dancing With the Stars is the highlight of the Dancing With the Stars season. Each year producers tinker with their participants to formulate a well-rounded cast and this year's stable of dancers is being called its best yet.

Indeed, there are less "no names" on this year's roster and a good combination of fading stars and up-and-coming pseudo celebs. Producers also realized that hiring contestants with professional dance training is probably a bad idea (exhibit A: last year's champ Nicole Scherzinger). Gee, ya think?

Without further ado, here's your cast of this year's edition of Dancing With the Stars, and some stupid commentary on each contestant.

Michael Bolton, singer. Who would you rather have dinner with: Michael Bolton or Kenny G.? Kenny G. all the way.

Brandy, R&B; singer and actress. Not quite as dance-y as previous R&B; singers on DWTS. Once killed someone with her car.

Margaret Cho, Korean-American comedienne. She's lost a lot of weight. According to Wikipedia, she is active in the BDSM lifestyle, which means I need to scrub my brain with a Brillo pad in order to get that image out of my head.

Rick Fox, former NBA player. Fox is somehow dating Eliza Dushku. Dated Vanessa Williams in her prime. If the horizontal lambada is featured in the show this year, my money is on him.

Jennifer Grey, star of Dirty Dancing. She may seem like a frontrunner in the competition based on her movie role, but she had a much different center of balance back then when she had her real nose.

David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch. Loves cheeseburgers.

Florence Henderson, Carol Brady of The Brady Bunch. She had sex with her TV son.

Kyle Massey, star of Disney's Cory in the House. I have no dirt on this guy, but give it some time. I'm sure he's done something shady.

Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin and teen-abstinence hypocrite. There's nothing I can say that would be any worse for her than anything she would say herself.

Audrina Patridge, star of The Hills. She's 50 percent plastic and 50 percent robot.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, star of Jersey Shore. I don't know why, but I am totally rooting for him. He's got ABS OF DEATH!

Kurt Warner, former NFL MVP quarterback. Loves to leave himself open to the blindside sack. His wife had a much-needed makeover and he has seven children. Seven! Is Jesus' number-one fan.

Who do you think will win, and who do you want to win?

Dancing With the Stars premieres September 20 on ABC.

Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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