Dr. Who Star to Seek His Fortune in America

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...Oh, sigh. You gotta know when to hold 'em, fold 'em, etc. Sadly, Kirstie Alley does not know how to do any of that. She's just gonna keep on plugging along no matter what. Which means yes, of course, she'll now be doing a reality show about weight-loss. At least it's on A&E; and not VH1 or something. At least there's that. Though, an A&E; exec said the following: "Kirstie is exactly the kind of star A&E; is drawn to." I mean, A&E; does shows about drunks and people who hoard rotting food. Saying that Kirstie Alley is primo A&E; material is not exactly a compliment. [Variety]

...Hey you! Yeah you who hasn't been on a date in... ever. Put down the Cheese Doodle, pause the video game, and listen to this. Your boyfriend? You know, that squirrely British dude from that Mr. Who show or whatever? Dr. Who? David Tennant, is that it? Yeah, well, he just signed a deal to star on an American show about lawyers. So that's good news, right? I mean, like, in your relative world of good news meaning Beast Master casting scoops and Lucy Lawless nip slips. In that bizarro realm, this is good news I'm pretty sure. [THR]

...Hey you. Mouthbreather. Yeah, you who enjoyed According to Jim. Sigh. Your pastrami-sucking antihero, Jim Belushi, might just go and star in another TV series. Only this time it would be a drama, about lawyers. Which, OK, I understand. After something like forty-two seasons of According to Jim, people finally figured out that Jim Belushi isn't funny. So now they'll try and see if Jim Belushi is dramatic. If he's not that, well then, he'll just go and become a carny. [Variety]

...Masterful fame-grabber Kathy Griffin will soon host an ABC dance show of her very own. Don't worry, it's only a five-episode run. But it sure sounds horrible! Basically "celebrity" dancers take to the parquet to reenact famous dance routines. I'm assuming this means that we'll be seeing Kirstie Alley and Jim Belushi do "Thriller." Which, I gotta be honest, I'm not that upset about. I'm really, really not. [EW]

...Oh now I feel bad. I got you nerds all riled up and excited with that Tennant news, and now I have to make you sad again. It's like the time your online date didn't show up and your mom, who lives upstairs, made you cookies and Tang and sat on the edge of your bed and said you'd get a real nice girl someday. Only you won't. That is a lie. Anyway! Adrian Pasdarspoiler alert!—has been fired from Heroes. Yep. He's no longer. Ciao for now. [EW]

...Remember when you used to, like, go to a physical record store and buy an actual, like, CD or whatever? Like you know, what old people (myself) listen to tuneskis on in their (our) wood-paneled lonely old person rooms? And remember how that all ended, terribly, when iTunes and all that digital music stuff came around? (Virgin Megastore in Union Square = shut the hell down.) Well, HBO is going to make a movie about that sad story. The death of the music industry, basically. The first of the great towers of Babel to fall. The world is ending. [THR]