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Fox Captures the Latest J.J. Abrams Project

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... At this point in his career, J.J. Abrams could start a bidding war between networks over his used toilet paper. His latest project, Alcatraz, has been picked up by Fox (which is in love with his other Fox show, Fringe). Alcatraz is "a show about mysteries, secrets, and the most infamous prison of all time." Yeah, we kind of got that from the title. [Deadline Hollywood]

... House resident hottie Cuddy has a mom, and that mom has been cast. TV vet Candice Bergen (star of Emmy hog Murphy Brown) will play Dr. House's possible future ex-mother-in-law in a multi-episode arc that begins sometime early next year. [EW]

... Jon Stewart + Bill O'Reilly + television = fireworks. The two frenemies will once again meet up, first on O'Reilly's The O'Reilly Factor next week and later on Stewart's The Daily Show toward the end of the month. It's like Ali-Foreman for eggheads! [LA Times]

... Spike TV's The Deadliest Warrior, which simulates battles between historical pugilists, is being made into a movie by Paramount Pictures. How they will do this is anyone's guess, but it will probably feature sculpted, shirtless men and lots of slow motion. [EW]

... ABC is developing a series based on The Prince of Tides, the 1991 film about a football coach who fell in love with a psychiatrist that starred Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand. And one of the producers is Mitch Hurwitz, the man behind Arrested Development. What happened to this guy? [THR]

... When a new show starring Hulk Hogan is BY FAR the best new show announcement of the day, you know TV's in trouble. Hogan's Court is currently in development and will feature the former wrestler playing judge to kids' squabbles. Is little Bobby farting in his sister's face? Take him to court! Is Timmy sick of being used as Susie's make-up doll? Sue the pants off her! Seriously, I'd watch this. [THR]

... John Laroquette has been tapped for an arc on CSI: NY. Laroquette, known best as sleazy lawyer Dan Fielding from the '80s comedy Night Court, will play Deputy Chief Ted Carver and thorn in the side of Mac. [EW]

... Toonces the Driving Cat is, without a doubt, the single greatest thing Saturday Night Live has ever created. And thank the Lord, because he's coming back. Navigation systems company OnStar is bringing Toonces back as "Toonces the Texting Cat" to promote the company's new products. He drives around, all over town, Toonces the Driving Cat. [Jalopnik]

Follow writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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