You know what? It looks like Fox is airing repeats of Raising Hope in the 8:30 slot in place of I Hate My Teenage Daughter. Very awesome. I guess. If you like reruns. It certainly makes I Hate My Teenage Daughter look particularly unwatchable in retrospect, that the network would rather risk boring viewers with repeats than assuming new episodes of IHMTD are actually worth watching.
Can I get a mid-season replacement? Pretty please? Those are fun and I’m sure there’s something lying around that can’t possibly be worse than IHMTD. I have a soft spot for the underdog shows, sacrificed to the summer gods with little hope for redemption. I think I’m the only person on the planet who honestly enjoyed last summer’s Friends with Benefits over on NBC and I am proud to say that I enjoyed it. Danneel Harris is adorable and should be doing way more awesome things than the Harold and Kumar movies. You know it’s true.
Anyway, I have high hopes for the vacated 8:30 slot. It might be too late in the season to do anything about it right away, but it’s such a shame to waste it on reruns, even if the repeat is of an awesome show. Repeats make me sad.
Burt decided to run for chairperson of Heaven’s Helpers after losing out on some church fame when the current chairperson didn’t mention him by name during a public thanks. I understand, Burt. Church fame is a special brand of fame. The current chairperson didn’t look too keen on competition, even competition from a hapless rival like Burt. She very publicly asked the Chances to look after a guide pig (not a typo) for presentation to the church’s blind organist.
The pig earned its keep, dislodging a clump of popcorn when Virginia started choking on it. She and Burt manage to avoid killing it within the first 24 hours at Chez Chance, but it wasn’t those two that the pig had to worry about—it was Maw Maw in the kitchen with the pizza cutter!
Bacon Makes Everything Better
– Sabrina used what she learned in her public speaking class to help Burt prepare a speech. Virginia warned her not to tell him to imagine everyone naked because he does that already, “Some people have Cinemax, we have our imaginations.” Awkward.
– The Chances decided to act as “guide humans” for the blind organist after replacing the slaughtered Mr. Curly Tail with a petting zoo reject. Jimmy reassured the audience, “Luckily, our family is used to having terrible jobs.” Mine too, bro! High five!
– The guide-human montage was a little on the over-long side, but that final scene of poor Sabrina physically donning the harness herself when the petting zoo pig refused to cooperate was perfect. She looked so sad.
– In the end, the combined efforts of the Chance family inadvertently trained the replacement pig to take up its guide duties and Burt was so pleased by what he accomplished that he decided not to run for chairperson after all in an ending that was so sweet it made my tongue swell up. Redemption overkill for turning Burt into a creep last week? Possibly.
Let’s be real here. We all knew that the date between Jess and Russell was going to be painfully awkward, but ouch. OUCH. He patted her on the back. She tried to talk about adult things, like his prostate. It was bad. It was bad to the point that the awkward was a little bit grating. I mean, I’m an awkward person, but really Jess? That was the best you could come up with?
So Russ backed out early and left our girl at the swanky restaurant with cab fare. She promptly went home where Nick and a college buddy were throwing a fierce party and proceeded to get awkwardly drunk. Enter Russ, ready to make awkward apologies about how he doesn’t know how to date anymore.
Awkward Awkward Everywhere
– CeCe and Schmidt ended up naked in the back of his car when Winston “borrowed” it to join Shelby in Mexico. I’m willing to chalk Winston’s ability to drive from New York City to Mexico in about an hour to TELEVISION just because border patrol opening up the hatchback to reveal the couple in post-sexcapade awkwardness was pretty funny.
– The scene when Russell opened the door to Jess’ hiding place and she said in that tiny, drunken, sad voice, “I want a donut,” is officially my favorite one in the series. Jess knows about the healing properties of the Drunk Donut. That makes her good people.
– Nick’s drunken statement to Russ that Jess is “one of the good ones” made me go “awww” in a way that New Girl never does. Also, foreshadowing? Probably foreshadowing.
– Russell told Jess that the last time he had to actually date a woman was in 1989. Jess countered with “1989 was the year I learned how to use the toaster by myself.” Not helping your cause, Jess. Not helping your cause.
Veronica just wanted to make friends with her underlings. Unfortunately, one typically cannot make friends with their underlings. That’s why they’re underlings. Undeterred, Veronica roped Cameron into helping her throw a party, complete with mandatory attendance by the aforementioned underlings and dossiers on each one, courtesy of Cameron. She then used the information in the files to tell everyone’s secrets and fail miserably at the friend-making mission.
I would have loved to see where Veronica got the idea that this is how you make friends. Sure, I’m mean to my friends too, but I counter that with a whole lot of being nice. I would say the ratio is 80/20, with 80% of our interactions being boring and the other 20% being inflammatory text messages meant to spark lively debate about our individual responsibilities when the inevitable zombie uprising comes to pass. I just don’t think I’m the best candidate to steal a tank, you know?
Molly discovered the existence of the mysterious Jones. No one could tell her much about this globe-trotting employee of Contra Security, but everyone loved him. When Oz admitted to Cash that Jones never existed, that the identity was a convenient way to file resources into a slush fund, Cash set up an elaborate means to trick Molly into believing in Jones’ existence. Of course, things got a little carried away.
No Time for Love, Dr. Jones
– I’m of the current belief that if nothing else, Breaking In makes its geek references well. Cash accidentally retold the three Indiana Jones films (there is no fourth Indiana Jones film, I tell you) as his own back story while pretending to be Contra’s Jones. He even wore a fedora… which he almost lost in typical Indy style while pursuing the Sandwich Girl.
– No really, the Indiana Jones nods were the highlight of this episode. Hands down. I almost wish I was familiar with Game of Thrones. I’m worried that I missed out on nerdy goodness due to my shameful ignorance.
– Veronica’s party was a massive failure, but a pep-talk from Oz about his own struggles to be both boss and friend to his employees seemed to put her on the right track. She previously revealed to his irate coworkers that Cameron helped her learn everybody’s deep dark secrets and they were, understandably, ready to send him to the Death Star’s trash compactor. After her talk with Oz, Veronica pinned the dossiers on Jones, cleared Cameron’s name, and killed Oz’s slush fund all in one go.
– Oz said that Veronica is growing on him. Yep. They’re going to be a thing. Boom. Called it.
Parting things to ponder:
– So did Maw Maw turn you off of pork this week?
– How do you think Winston got alllll the way from New York to Mexico before sunrise?
– Do you long for a fedora of your own?
_ What about that wide open 8:30 time slot? Anything you’d like to see?