What to watch on Friday, April 15.
Whew, that was a real chin-trembler of a week, am I right? Glad THAT's over with. So let's make the most of this weekend, and by "make the most of," I mean let's watch tons of TV!
SEASON 5 NETWORK PREMIERE, 8pm, NBC
Friday Night Lights
True, there a number of ways to have already watched this, the fifth and final season of Friday Night Lights. But maybe you are like me and just weren’t emotionally prepared? Well, I guess I’m finally ready. Here we go. In tonight’s season premiere of (I’m crying already) Friday Night Lights, Coach Taylor tries to manage expectations after last season’s surprise victory while Vince and Luke attempt to recruit a new dreamboat to fulfill the Riggins-shaped hole in our hearts.
Tonight the team scrambles to release William Bell’s consciousness from Olivia’s body. What I want to know is, what if he doesn’t WANT to leave her body? I mean, who would? Did anybody ask him?
When Balthazar prevents the Titanic from sinking (because of course he does!), Fate intervenes and systematically kills the survivors anyway. Then Castiel tries to convince Sam and Dean to murder Fate if they plan to survive her wrath. I’d just buy her a nice tennis bracelet, but that’s me.
SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, Animal Planet
In Animal Planet’s newest very restrained, very subtle documentary series, various science professionals will reminisce about the golden days of New York City anthrax attacks.
The Whitest Kids U'Know
Although they have yet to apologize for making Miss March, at least these people, The Whitest Kids U’Know, still have a pretty funny main gig. Tonight’s fifth (!) season premiere will explore the impact a tiny hit of pot had on Hitler’s political career, plus a phone sex operator will explore a sexual fetish for baked beans.
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8pm, Disney Channel
Despite being possibly the worst-titled thing ever to air on television, this here is a Disney Channel original movie about a disparate group of kids who bond during detention and form a pop band. Also in the mix: Evil principals, tough lessons, surprise romances, and catchy tunes. Basically, it’s methadone for High School Musical junkies.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
CHAOS, 8 p.m., CBS
Kitchen Nightmares, 8 p.m., Fox
Shark Tank, 8 p.m., ABC
Smallville, 8 p.m., CW
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
Ricky Gervais Show, SEASON FINALE, 9 p.m., HBO
Say Yes to the Dress, 9 p.m., TLC
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
American Loggers, 10 p.m., Discovery
Sanctuary, MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Syfy
The Haunted, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Fashion Police, 10:30 p.m., E!
What to watch on Saturday, April 16.
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8pm, Fox
Truth Be Told
Haha what ON EARTH? David James Elliott and Candace Cameron Bure (!) star in this absolutely ridiculous-looking romantic drama about a single marriage counselor who enlists a widower to pretend to be her husband in order to score a lucrative radio job. Not gross enough for you? Former American Idol contestant Danny Gokey appears as himself. Is this thing from another dimension, or are moms officially in charge now?
10pm, Animal Planet
In tonight’s brand-new installment of television’s finest program (I’m not ashamed), we’ll learn more than we ever needed to know about Bambinos, Pixie Bobs, Australian Mists, and Domestic Longhairs.
8 & 9pm, Discovery Channel
In tonight’s back-to-back episodes of one of television’s BEST-titled shows, we’ll visit two noted capitals of squalor: 14th-century London and 19th-century Manhattan. I can’t wait for the future episode, 21st-century My Apartment’s Litter Box Room.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
It's Me or the Dog, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Victorious, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Aries Spears: Hollywood, Look I'm Smiling, SPECIAL, 9 p.m., Showtime
Secrets from a Stylist, 9 p.m., HGTV
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Antonio Treatment, 9:30 p.m., HGTV
Oddities,10 p.m., Science
Parking Wars, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 & 10:30 p.m., A&E;
What to watch on Sunday, April 17.
MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Tonight a former college baseball player who became paralyzed from the shoulders down after a car crash will have a chintzy dream home built for him while he and his family vacation in Orlando. Derek Jeter guest-stars, as himself.
SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
Here we go! Fantasy geeks have been waiting for Game of Thrones for awhile now. In the premiere of this adaptation of George R.R. Martin's medieval fantasy series, we'll follow King Baratheon, who offers Lord Ned Stark a newly empty position in his court while exiled Prince Targaryen plots to return to power. Also featuring the voice of Sean Connery as Dragonheart. (Haha, psych.)
SPECIAL, 7pm, Hallmark Channel
Martha Stewart Presents: Martha Stewart's Eggcellent Easter Special
Join Martha Stewart for several lessons on how to celebrate Easter properly FOR ONCE. She'll show us how to decorate eggs, give us some super brunch ideas, provide instructions for projects involving both chocolate and bunnies, and also she'll be vaguely disapproving of anyone she shares the frame with.
When a college student is found dead in a hot tub, the team must navigate the jealousy and psychosis among the victim's roommates. You know, typical college stuff.
In the fourth hour of this mysterious new drama, Sarah and Holder hassle Rosie's ex-boyfriend Jasper, and meanwhile her best friend Sterling starts spilling some lurid details about Rosie's personal life. For instance, she used to chew with her mouth open and also spoil movie endings.
10 & 10:30pm, TLC
In tonight's back-to-back episodes of this definitely educational show, we'll meet swingers, a lusty quadriplegic, and a woman born without a you-know-what.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Amazing Race, 8 p.m., CBS
America's Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m., ABC
America's Next Great Restaurant, 8 p.m., NBC
Human Planet, 8 & 9 p.m., Discovery Channel
Mob Wives, SERIES PREMIERE, 8 p.m., VH1
American Dad!, 8:30 p.m., Fox
Army Wives, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Audrina, SERIES PREMIERE, 9 p.m., VH1
Ax Men, 9 p.m., HGTV
Celebrity Apprentice, 9 p.m., NBC
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC
Family Guy, 9 p.m., Fox
Sister Wives, 9 p.m., TLC
TV Land Awards, 9 p.m., TV Land
Undercover Boss, 9 p.m., CBS
The Cleveland Show, 9:30 p.m., Fox
Breakout Kings, 10 p.m., A&E;
Brothers & Sisters, 10 p.m., ABC
Coming Home, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Iron Chef America, 10 p.m., Food Network
Khloe & Lamar, 10 p.m., E!
Real Housewives of Orange County, 10 p.m., Bravo
River Monsters, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Shark Men, 10 p.m., NatGeo
The Borgias, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Judds, 10 p.m., OWN
What are you watching tonight?