FTW vs. WTF: The TV Week in Review (January 12)

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What better way to escape the bitter cold than to cozy up with your laptop and relive the best and worst events of the week in TV? Well, you could start by putting on some pants, and maybe close the window, and how about not finishing that Big Gulp Slurpee? But your first priority should be to check out FTW vs. WTF, because pants have nothing to say about Community, your window (open OR closed) isn't up-to-date on Justified, and while that Slurpee will turn your tongue blue, it won't play you a YouTube video from The Good Wife. Warmer temperatures will be here soon enough, but if you fall behind on television you may as well be a permanent resident of Antarctica. So let's get on with this week's TV round-up!




The Good Wife dances to the tune of its own earworm

Sunday's "Goliath and David" had plenty of Good Wife fun in it, from Matthew Lillard's great guest appearance to Peter Bogdanovich's surprise cameo, but the best thing to come out of the episode may've been the cast and crew getting down to the original song "Thicky Trick." Christine Baranski was dancing in hair rollers like a boss!



The cast of Archer got nekkid for Reddit

To promote the upcoming fifth season (which starts Monday), ADuchess, LanaLov3sBananas, WhamBamThankyaPam, KriegerSan69, and TheOtherBarryD popped their internet-selfie cherries with some very suggestive snapshots. THAT'S how you do advertising, networks!



The Spoils of Babylon brings the epic parody

Three cheers for good-looking comedy! On Thursday, IFC launched the latest in its roster of top notch goof-'em-ups with the sprawling, epic miniseries The Spoils of Babylon, offering a fun watch with plenty of opportunities for Kristen Wiig to do her "drama screams" and Will Ferrell a chance to do that gross, bearded professor-type persona, Babylon looks to be a dependable smile-source for Thursday nights. Hooray!



Yay! Revenge only made us sit through one episode of Amnesia Emily

There's nothing soapier (or more cringe-inducing) than an amnesia storyline, so when we first heard Revenge was doing one, we groaned. But as it turns out, we got upset over nothing, because the forgettin' disease (which occurred in the wake of Emily being shot in the abdomen and then chilling in some really cold water for a bit) only lasted one episode. Yeah, it was mostly a plot contrivance to allow Emily to slip up and tell Charlotte that her father was David Clarke, but let's just be thankful that the brain lapse didn't last the rest of the season and call it a day.



Parks and Recreation turned 100

Although "Second Chunce" wasn't the most exciting episode in the history of 100th episodes, we're kind of glad that Parks and Recreation stayed true to itself and ended with a heartwarming trip to Paris for Leslie and Ben instead of Leslie announcing another run for office. Plus: guest stars! Kathryn Hahn is so good, you guys. 



ASS-CRACK BANDIT!!!!!!

All doubts about whether or not Community is officially back were stuffed down someone's butt crack this week in "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics," the first stunt—and funniest—episode of the season. David Fincher films and serial-killer shows were lampooned as Greendale was assaulted by the Ass-Crack Bandit, a crazed individual who stuffed quarters down people's butts.



Helix is both scary AND gorgeous

Okay maybe it's not Shakespeare, but when Syfy's new viral thriller wants to be spooky, it is really spooky. Using its budgetary limitations and confined setting to its advantage, the series aptly puts the focus on creepiness and claustrophobia in a sterile, impersonal environment. In other words, it looks great and makes you freak out.



Justified returned in fine midseason form

Oh how we missed your seductive prose, Justified. Season 5 opened almost flawlessly, returning to the formula that made its second season so great with Raylan Givens taking on another formidable hillbilly family. And Boyd's bad day may just turn him into a raging psychopath again. You better be watching this gem, because it's one of TV's best.



Alex Trebek raps it up


Never change, Alex.



New Girl went to the bar and sorted a few things out

After struggling and straining all through the fall, New Girl finally returned this week with an episode that focused on the core characters and gave us hope for the rest of the season. We'll drink to that!



Teen Wolf finally puts Stiles front and center

Season 3B kicked off on Monday, and Dylan O'Brien's sarcastic sidekick is finally getting his time in the spotlight as the aftermath of the triple suicide finally starts to take a toll on the gang. Nothing against Scott, but a Stiles-centric storyline feels long overdue. It isn't easy to steal a show away from its lead, but Mr. Stillinski has proved time and again that he's the real hero of Teen Wolf, and we're not afraid to admit that we're just a bit more excited than usual for this upcoming season, knowing we're going to be exploring his character more deeply.



SVU finds Pablo Schreiber guilty...

...of playing one of the most maddeningly manipulative, absolute garbage human beings we've seen on TV in a while. This week's trial was ROUGH, and for a while, we were truly worried that Lewis might walk and that Olivia might never recover. Thank goodness that jury put him away.





The Ezra/EzrA debate continues on Pretty Little Liars

The winter premiere was a table-setter of an episode, with the girls receiving new purpose after their entire premise was upheaved last Halloween. It was a pretty meh hour overall, but the main discourse was squarely on whether Ezra Fitz is, or is at least closely associated with, A—and it was admittedly pretty compelling. There are decent arguments from all sides: Some people hink Ezra was always kind of contemptible with his choice in ladies. Some people who strongly believed in Ezria (...) can't convince themselves that Ezra could be such a bad guy. And some people simply question this heel-turn because PLL is more steeped in red herring than a St. Olaf street festival. Mona's tense discussion with Fitz only proved things to be more troublesome; is Ezra just trying to keep Mona in check because he knows she was A at one time? Or was that a coffee between the two bully crime bosses of Rosewood? These shouldn't even be discussions we have because Ezra dated and slept with a high school student while teaching at that same school which makes him kind of despicable, but hey, we don't run the internet. Way to breathe some new life into your central mystery, show.



Intelligence was... okay

We love having Sawyer back on television, but couldn't CBS's new procedural about a guy with a fancy superpowered microchip in his brain be more than just a procedural about a guy with a fancy superpowered microchip in his brain? Maybe next week gets better, but color us unimpressed with its start.





Top Chef's bullshit—but understandable per the rules of the show—elimination... which actually makes it even more bullshitty

When the number of cheftestants starts to dwindle, it's practically a given that someone will end up going home for a great dish that just happens to be slightly less great than another great dish. It's also practically a given that, as the number of cheftestants starts to dwindle that there's no immunity granted, and the chefs have to live and die on their dishes. Sadly, that was not the case in "Oui Si a Challenge," where Nicholas received immunity and then proceeded to drag his team to the bottom, relying on his immunity to save his ass. He could've stepped up and volunteered to go home, as the judges gently prodded him (and seemed to want him) to do, but nope! Stephanie had to pack her knives and go instead. So, Nicholas, when Carlos attempts to undermine you again, don't expect any sympathy from us.



Lucy Hale from Pretty Little Liars has a new music video

Now let's all forget about it.



Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't tell us anything about Coulson that we didn't already know

The big mystery all season has been "What happened to Coulson?" And after he was kidnapped in the fall finale, we were promised answers, but that was a big fat lie because we didn't learn anything we didn't already know. Sure, Coulson discovered some of the truth, or at least had his suspicions confirmed, but we still don't know how Director Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. brought him back to life. Come on, S.H.I.E.L.D., give us something!



The Bachelor makes a mess out of poor Lauren H.


The show's editors wasted no time playing up her broken-engagement story for their "Jilted Woman" narrative, and she did her part at the cocktail party by totally losing it. This show is one trainwreck after another and we love it for that very reason, but can we please stop casting women who clearly just aren't ready for the experience? This gal clearly has some healing to do, and ABC never should've let her on the show in the first place. 



The People's Choice Awards, oh God the People's Choice Awards


Super Fun Night for Favorite New TV Comedy? Beauty and the Beast for Favorite Sci-fi/Fantasy TV Show? Who are these "people" and what have they done to their taste?


What's on YOUR list of TV loves and hates this week?



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