Even though we're still wearing Hammerpants, Jimmy'Z shorts, Hypercolor T-shirts, sideways ponytails, and 'Roos shoes, we understand that styles change and that looks are everything. So below you'll notice that we've tinkered with the format a bit, changing the style of this weekly feature to keep up with modern times. So please excuse our dust, our rubber cement, and our snot (we ran out of rubber cement)! We think it looks better, do you? Let us know in the comments, as soon as you're done checking out what we liked and didn't like about the last seven days of TV!
Workaholics comes back swinging
Pop Quiz, Hot Shots: The best part of the Season 4 premiere was A) a baby shower rolling on molly, B) Adam's rainbow fur boots, C) the Ders Effect, D) Blake's synthetic neon dreads, or E) all of the above. (Answer: E)
Suburgatory adopts Victor Ha
In an effort to fill the Ryan-shaped void in their hearts, the Shays went kid shopping this week—literally—and came home with a fun (and "talented," according to his T-shirt) new character who promises to add a whole new layer to the family dynamic (assuming he sticks around, of course). Welcome to Chatswin, Victor! Not only was the show's adoption commentary spot-on, but now that Bionicles are a worthy dinnertime discussion topic, Lisa may finally have an ally at home.
Broad City adds new lady parts to Comedy Central
Comedy Central is like the Augusta Golf Course of cable channels with its focus on the male demographic (Inside Amy Schumer is a notable exception), but that changed a bit this week the exceptional debut of Broad City. The Amy Poehler-produced companion to the brodacious Workaholics proved that its two leading ladies (Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Garzer) aren't afraid to get as dirty as the boys as Abbi and Ilana had meaningless sex, drank to excess, and nearly whored themselves out for weed. The show will make a fine addition to Comedy Central's great slate of original programming.
Sleepy Hollow goes to crazy town in its finale
The time for thinking rationally about Sleepy Hollow rationally is through. We've embraced its ridiculously fun mythology and accepted the fact that if you think too hard about it, your brain might explode. But even if we'd tried, the idea that Henry Parish is actually Jeremy Crane, who is actually the second Horseman of the Apocalypse, is something we never would've seen coming, and we rather like it that way. We didn't even mind the cliffhanger endings that "Bad Blood" had in store for all the characters, because the show's story thus far has been so damn entertaining. Congratulations on a fun first season, Ichabod Crane and Abbie Mills. We're very excited to see where you go in Season 2.
The Vampire Diaries celebrates 100 episodes with a parade of familiar faces
complaining that Katherine hijacking Elena's body was too obvious of a
storyline to be all that surprising, we're choosing to fondly wave to all the familiar faces who returned for the series' milestone 100th episode.
Aunt Jenna, John Gilbert, and Elijah all appeared as illusions created
by Damon to torture Katherine (why couldn't Elijah show up for real, though?), while Klaus and Rebekah took a vacation from all their
problems in N'awlins to make googly eyes at people in Mystic Falls.
Vicki showed up to tell Matt he had bad taste in women (lies!), and Alaric materialized mainly to break our hearts and make us punch things when
the Damon and Alaric bromance was eventually taken away from us once again.
Tyler arrived just in time to remind us he wasn't actually dead, and Emily Bennett swooped in one more time to remind us that
we should all be on alert, because she might actually be immortal. So
many old pals! And yet the show couldn't even find time to work in Kol?
J/K, Kol's terrible. Congrats on 100 episodes, TVD!
Austrian TV mashes up the NFL and Game of Thrones
We love football! And we love Game of Thrones! So obviously we love this (probably) trademark-breaking promotion for last week's playoffs in the style of the Game of Thrones intro that aired on Austrian television. Good thing it isn't real, however, because we'd all be devastated when Peyton Manning was killed in Episode 9.
The Goldbergs gets its boogie on
The show is always best when it gets down to its family TV basics, and "You Opened the Door" pulled off the "mom chaperones the school dance" story with charming aplomb. The highlight? Beverly, who continues to rise through the ranks as the show's best character, teaching Adam to dance... and then trying to slow dance with him.
Community bids Troy goodbye
We knew this day was coming. We prepared ourselves. But in the end, it didn't matter. Community didn't
have a lot of time to carry out Donald Glover/Troy's departure, but
"Geothermal Escapism" said goodbye to the character in probably the best
way the show knows how. Sure, the show once again dipped into the "Greendale goes
nuts taking a game SO SERIOUSLY" well, but it was still lots of fun, and that ending? Wonderful.
Banshee brings in Hood's "son"
In a moment that Banshee fans have been waiting for and perhaps
dreading since the pilot, this week's episode finally injected the real
Lucas Hood's soon into the story mix. Guns were pulled, threats were
made, and honor among criminal-y dirtbag types was shared. This thread
is just getting started, but it's already quite compelling.
Chris Traeger's been reading up on nipples
"Farmers Market" was an all-around strong episode of Parks and Recreation, and choosing one FTW to highlight was tough: There were exotic dancers making vegetable puns! Johnny and April Karate may've just stumbled onto a new business idea! Billy Eichner's hilarious Craig character got a little extra (and well-deserved) screen time! And Ann and Chris both had the chance to deliver some great lines in their penultimate episode as residents of Pawnee. Rashida Jones was great as an aggro preggo lady (monster in the window!), but Rob Lowe really stole the show with his perfectly paced tongue-twisters about possible pimples on Ann's... boob hats.
Friendship for New Girl's Coach and Winston is something we can get "behind!"
What started out as Coach jeering at our dear Winnie with a kazoo and (d)evolved into an amazing Top Chef-style bake-off ended with a sweet reconciliation between the two characters when their cakes symbolically "merged" in the oven. Here's hoping we're headed for more storylines where those two can be funny and get along.
Supernatural finally gets around to the story of Cain and Abel
...and unsurprisingly, Cain and Dean got along about as well as two dudes with an excess of sibling issues would, which is to say, "rather well-ish"? Basically, Supernatural completely rewrote the classic tale of the biblical brothers, this time featuring 100 percent more Lucifer. And despite gaining the title "father of murder" and training the nightmarish Knights of Hell, Cain (Psych's Timothy Omundson!) proved to be somewhat of a new ally in the fight against Abaddon because it's not like Dean was going to take a hint and GTFO out of Cain's unibomber cabin with rumors of a super-dooper killing blade floating around. So Cain passed his magical mark to Dean and Dean and Crowley are on the hunt for Cain's "first blade" and the potential for magical demon-slaying Dean is just too much awesome to bear. Also, since Cain made Dean pinky swear to come back and kill him later, we're sure we'll be seeing Omundson and his glorious mountainman beard again soon.
Grimm's Monrosalie are engaged!
Monroe proposed with a cuckoo clock because of course he did. It was adorable and Rosalee said yes and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. (Well, aside from that time Rosalee met her new future in-laws and realized they're old-school in the way that your subtly racist billion-year-old grandma won't come right out and say she hates her new neighbors because they rock a little more melanin than the previous ones... except in Monroe's parents' case, they did come right out and say it.)
The Real World Ex-plosion makes us scared for our future
The newest edition of MTV's staple reality show hasn't even unveiled its big twist yet—the contestants' exes don't move in until next week—but the seven residents who are in the house right now are already offering up the kind of reality garbage that's hard to look away from. These kids are HORRIBLE idiots with no sense of decency or modesty, they can't handle their liquor, and they f*ck like drunk bunnies. Those two in the picture above? Totally boned each other on their second night of living together. In bear costumes. Awful! Now hand over the popcorn and start the next episode!!!
Klondike is gorgeous... and only okay
Discovery took a few days off from telling us that mermaids and mega-sharks are real to air a six-hour miniseries starring Robb Stark, and while the exterior shots of the Yukon were frickin' beautiful and some of the extravagant mining-town sets really popped, the rest was just sorta... okay? A good first effort, but we still expected more.
FX teases The Strain and it really is just a tease
So you think YOU are excited about the network's upcoming vampire drama from Guillermo del Toro? Not as much as we are, and that's why this new promo for it had us so excited... and then kinda disappointed once we actually watched it.
The Mindy Project drops the "will they" hammer on its "will they or won't they" pairing, and then splits
Halfway through Season 2, The Mindy Project often still feels like a
hodgepodge of great performers, decent ideas, and Mindy Kaling's
make-out wishlist, but credit where credit is due: The show mostly
earned the big Danny-Mindy kiss. And now it's going to be off the air
for approximately 10 weeks. That's harsh, Fox.
Opposite Worlds is breaking its players
Syfy's Big Brother rip-off splits its contestants between two worlds: a high-tech futuristic one that looks like A Clockwork Orange's Milk Bar, and a primitive one that looks like the line for Disneyland's Splash Mountain. But the whole show might be a death trap. In the first physical challenge, some spaz broke another contestant's leg with an illegal move, and another woman sprained her finger in a different sanctioned tussle. Ummm, maybe set some rules before you send two fame whores into combat with each other, or let this mayhem go all the way and make it a no-holds-barred adult Hunger Games.
Seriously, how did Betrayal last a full season?
The ABC soap-suck ended its first season on Sunday with a 0.4 rating among treasured 18-34 year olds. Among the shows that did better than that? According to Vulture's Joe Adalian, a rerun of Tosh.0, reruns of Law & Order, and a Nick at Nite airing of Full House. Yikes.
Esquire's review of Looking
The online arm of the notoriously metrosexual and fiercely heterosexual men's magazine's published "A Straight Man's Guide to HBO's Looking," labeling the series as a gay Sex and the City, bemoaning the lack of "fun" sex, and warning would-be viewers that the female friend character doesn't get naked. Esquire apologized that the piece's "attempt at humor" didn't come across as the writer intended, but we all know that's because it missed the mark. Look, we know we're walking a line by calling out another site for the content of their reviews, but let this be a reminder to all of us that sometimes it's better to either skip the review altogether or hand it off to someone who can write about a show with a more level head, and without resorting to cheap jokes that come off as homophobic.
You gotta keep up with your shows, J.Law!
The actress had the end of Homeland's third season spoiled for her on the SAG Awards red carpet, and even though we're generally pretty stubborn when it comes to watching TV in a timely manner, aw man, we really do feel for her. It was kind of an accident since that reporter on the left didn't hear the part where Lawrence said she's only watched two seasons, but... ouch.
The Following's creepy new twins
The Following returned this week (oh dear lord, The Following returned this week) and a bunch of people got stabbed on the subway and now the cult members wear Joe Carroll masks and Emma's got a pink mohawk and Carroll himself is alive and not even a speeding cab can take Ryan Hardy down. But the most WTF aspect of the Season 2 premiere was the introduction of Mark and Luke, the ridiculous set of twins who danced with a dead body and punished one of their peers by karate-chopping him in the throat and then making him stand in a corner like a five-year-old who pulled the dog's tail. Like, what's those guys' deal? What's the show's deal? You know what, don't even try to answer that; at the very least, this season should be wholly entertaining, for better or for worse.
What's on YOUR list of TV loves and hates this week?