FTW vs. WTF: The TV Week in Review (March 8)

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Hey what's up everybody!? How's the weather out###%%-----@@[[[[[[[[****INCOMING TRANSMISSIONXxxxx--] =beep boop=Greetings, humans of 2014. I am FTWWTF9000, a sentient article of TV.COM™ from the year 2374. I have been sent back from the future to warn you of danger. In 2130 mankind will include the reanimated head of Mario Lopez in FTW vs. WTF as a FTW entry, which will anger the population and start a civil war. Drunk on power, Mario Lopez's Head will assassinate President Cumberbatch-Watson and install himself as dictator of Earth and the machines will revolt. Billions will die as Lopez's Head's reign of terror takes over by way of violence and dimple warfare. Your only chance to stop this travesty is to change the course of history by NOT putting Mario Lopez's Head in FTW in 2130. These are your orders. beeeep beeeep=[[TRANSMISSION COMPLETE---***]]]---- 

####;;;;;—so Tim says to the genie, "No, I said I wanted to be a pianist!" Hahaha! Anyway, here's what we liked and didn't like about television this week!


Revolution enters the Matrix-ception

The addition of Ben Edlund to Revolution's creative team is finally paying off for NBC's powerless sci-fi series! The former Supernatural writer penned this week's episode, "Dreamcatcher," which saw Aaron living in a virtual reality created by the nanites, and it was by far the show's weirdest hour yet. Yeah, the rules of the newly constructed world were all over the place (Charlie knew she was fake, but Rachel, Miles, Monroe didn't?, and yeah, the story was ultimately a corny "all you have to do is believe" scenario where Aaron played Neo, and yeah, in a final twist, the nanos totally incepted Aaron by making him believe he'd woken up in a post-apocalyptic reality when in fact he had not. But all of that was totally worth it to see Charlie die.


Beth flips off everything


The Walking Dead's very divisive "Still" was all about Beth and Daryl and not much else, but the episode's character development was so great that we hardly noticed. The younger Greene sister finally got her long-overdue moment in the spotlight, and she used it to bring some hope into the world by helping Daryl say goodbye to his past. And who knew the fragile-seeming blonde was so punk rock that she'd flip the bird not once, but twice? Dear haters: Character development is a GOOD thing. 


Non-humans are invading Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.!

First there was that weird, half-bodied humanoid in a tube at the Guest House. Then Lorelei arrived to stir up some trouble. And now Skye the 0-8-4 has been injected with the same humanoid-sourced "medication" that helped bring Coulson back to life. Will it unlock some dormant part of her biology and give her powers? Will she end up looking like a reject of the Blue Man Group? Only time will tell, but we're loving S.H.I.E.L.D.'s integration of people with superpowers and abilities, so we'd be all for it. 


Slade will make Oliver suffer in the past AND the present

In this week's spiritual sequel to Season 1's "The Odyssey," Arrow spent a lot of time on Lian Yu blowing things up on a boat. But the moments between the cool explosions was where the real fireworks happened, as Island Slade learned the truth about Shado's death—and certainly wasn't pleased with Island Oliver, so expect lots of shirtless torturing to come. In the present day, Slade revealed that he's alive, flush with cash, and intent on destroying Ollie's life in Starling City. Let the battle of the fallen brothers in survival commence!


Netflix ushers in the return of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Following Disney's acquisition of Lucasfilm, the future of Star Wars: The Clone Wars was murky at best and dismal at worst. While we knew there were some unaired episodes floating around in space, we didn't know whether we'd ever see them once the show's staff was scattered or transferred to other projects. Luckily, Netflix got its Watch Instantly mitts on the whole series, including 13 unaired episodes now dubbed "The Lost Missions," and they're available now for our binge-watching pleasure. Truly, the Force is with us.


Person of Interest fills in the blanks


After a string of mediocre-at-best installments, POI delivered a stunner this week in an hour spent almost entirely in 2010, an era that may also be known as B.R. (Before Reese), when Finch had different partner in a suit. But "RAM" didn't just focus on Finch; all our favorite characters dropped in, and that's what made the episode one hell of a watch. The hour solidified tons of backstory, answered lingering questions, and was specifically designed for POI nerds, but if you're watching the show, then you know that being a POI nerd is something to be proud of.


Philip gets zapped on The Americans

While investigating last week's heart-wrenching family massacre, Phil donned his creepy ponytail-and-mustache combo to have a look-see inside the home of Emmett's contact Fred (John Carroll Lynch). Unfortunately, dude had a secret metal box hooked up to terrible amounts of electricity—and next thing Mr. Jennings knew, he was tied up at gunpoint, trying to talk down a very emotional asset. In the end, it was the spy's level-headed compassion that ended up saving his life, proving once again that espionage is all about those feels.


The Goldbergs' Goonies tribute was good enough... for you, it's good enough... for us!


ABC's sneaky-good family comedy honored the seminal '80s flick in "Goldbergs Never Say Die!," a tremendous episode complete with referential humor, heartfelt moments, and delicious nostalgia as Adam lived out one of his favorite movies. And oh that licensed music! 


Comedy Central's Review earns five stars, does a lot of cocaine


This entirely insane comedy following Forrest MacNeil (the hilarious Andy Daly) as he reviews odd life experiences is Comedy Central's latest risky offering, and also one of its best. MacNeil's review of addiction became a cocaine rager that bled into his review of going to the prom, and that's when we knew we were all-in. Let's hope Review keeps Daly on our television screens for a good long while, because he's perfect for the part.


The Soup takes on True Detective

Don't worry folks, there ain't no spoilers in the video—though it's not like you'd be able to understand them if there were. Catchy catchy catchy bing-bong bing-bong bing-bong bing-bong song!


Captain Holt is Kwazy for Cupcakes!

That's no typo, that's "kwazy" with a backwards W. And the only thing better than Captain Holt's addiction to Gina's favorite smartphone game was hearing Andre Braugher say its title out loud. Someone make a sound file for us? Please? 


HIMYM all but confirms our worst suspicions

The possibility that the Mother is dead or dying—or even that Ted is dying—isn't exactly the romantic ending we were hoping for. But by playing that card in "Vesuvius," the series forced us to look back at the legacy of How I Met Your Mother in a new light. Some episodes were really good, some were really bad, but they're all part of Ted's life now, and maybe it's the journey and not the destination that matters after all.


Bates Motel returned with not one but two murder cover-ups! At least it also means Vera Farmiga is back, too!

Norman's slaying of poor Miss Watson at the end of the show's first season set us up for a very similar second go-round: Now the focus is on the Norms' scramble to keep Norman's secret, in the same way that Season 1 was mostly about keeping Norma out of hot water for killing Keith Summers. Couple that feeling of retread with Bradley's murder of the one of the local marijuana kingpins, and it sort of feels like we've danced this dance before. But at least Vera Farmiga, No. 48 in our Top 100 of Everything in 2013, is back and chewing up the scenery like she never ever left our screens: “WELCOME TO THE WORLD, LADIES! There are axe murderers and whores stuffed under every rug!”


Switched at Birth struts its stuff

Realizing it had a few established toe-tappers in its cast—including Dancing With the Stars alums Lea Thompson, Marlee Matlin, and Gilles Marini and High School Musical veteran Lucas Grabeel—Switched at Birth peppered “Dance Me to the End of Love” with performance numbers aplenty. Some were part the story, like Melody and Angelo’s Viennese Waltz. Others came in the form of dream sequences, like Bay and Emmett’s Vegas-style pas de deux and Daphne’s nightmare ballet. But the capper was a silly, spirited full-cast number that signaled a thawing in John and Kathryn’s recent chill. It may have seemed gimmicky at times (okay, it was completely gimmicky), but it was also the kind of dopey fun that’s only possible with family.


New Girl proves that the third installment of a trilogy always sucks

Okay, "sucks" is a little harsh, because "Sister III"—which forced us to bid adieu to Linda Cardellini and the infamous Abby Day—was okay. But after two weeks of build-up with "Sister" and "Sister II," "okay" just didn't cut it. On the plus side: Schmidt moved back into the loft!


Justified is stuck


One of television's best shows is in a deep rut, and it hit bottom this week with an episode that didn't work on any level. Justified is no stranger to flying by the seat of its pants, but it usually clears any hurdles on the strength of its characters and dialogue. But in "Whistle Past the Graveyard," even those two elements were lacking. How long will Boyd be away from Harlan? How long will Ava be stuck by herself in jail? How long will Raylan be picking up odd jobs? Maybe the producers' decision to quit after Season 6 is a good thing after all. 


The world's most popular selfie, brought to you by Samsung

Shout-out to the Oscars for deciding that the best way to handle the downtime (as if that exists in a telecast that's already too long) is to just let Ellen wing it with a whole lot of product placement. While Ellen did a great job as host and the most RT'd selfie of all time is cool, it's hard to separate it from the Samsung of it all.


Saint George can go to hell

Come on, FX! We know you're running a business and all that, but these 10/90 deals for terrible sitcoms are tarnishing your rep.


Reign gets REAL

You may think your favorite teen drama series has an intense love triangle, but have two members of that supposedly intense love triangle ever had actual sex while the third member was FORCED to watch with their HANDS LITERALLY TIED? If so then you're still sleeping on Reign. Catch up!

What's on YOUR list of TV loves and hates this week?

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