This is the last FTW vs. WTF before Halloween, and we know you, you were too lazy to go to Costco for an industrial-sized bag of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters because you were watching a Monk marathon instead. Well don't worry, we've got you covered AGAIN. When kids in Miley Cyrus outfits come knocking at your door on Thursday, give them the ultimate trick: details on the best and worst things about television from several days prior! Let's run down the script:
[Knock knock knock]
[Open the door.]
Kids: "Trick or Treat!"
You: "Awww, aren't you adorable. Remember when that zombie on The Walking Dead got squashed into the fence and died? Happy Halloween!"
[Close the door, go back to watching Monk.]
And if any of those kids egg your house, just shout a recap of Sean Saves the World at them. There you go, another holiday saved by your friends at TV.com. Now, let's review this week's TV treats and tricks!
After nearly a decade of build-up, Brennan and Booth finally tied the knot, and their nuptials were pretty gosh darn cute. Whether it was everyone trying to keep Brennan from working on the case of the week so she could get ready or all the interns donning period clothing, "The Woman in White," had just the right amount of whimsy. Add in two sets of vows that were not only touching, but grounded in the show's history, and it was very fine way to marry the two characters in style.
Survivor has the tendency to fawn over the strong male
types, but this season's Alpha, former NFL player Brad Culpepper, was
simply too much. It's not that Brad, husband of former and
current player Monica (Survivor One World), was an awful person
or even much of a bully. But he just kept getting into the middle of
things, and most importantly, he never shut up. Even
when he was booted to Redemption Island a few weeks back in a shocking,
awesome Tribal Council, he kept repeating that he wasn't mad on the way
out. Thankfully though, Brad lost in this week's Redemption challenge, and now he's out for good. It's unclear who Jeff Probst will crush on next.
The Vampire Diaries: She was dead the whole time!
J/K this isn't really about Bonnie or her funeral, because homegirl isn't even really gone (you know who IS gone and deserves all our sads? Alaric. Lexi. Aunt Jenna). It's about the person who arrived just in time for Bonnie's sad sham of a memorial: Tyler. After dipping out last season and then being emotionally negligent to Caroline since the start of Season 5, Mr. Lockwood arrived clad in his best "sigh, another one of my beloveds has perished" attire just in time to give Bonnie's "farewell" an emotional beat.
The inevitable Being Human: Castiel stuff that was (sort of) played for laughs in the Season 9 premiere took an emotional turn this week as Cas faced the very real perils of being tired, hungry, poor, and homeless in the less-than-friendly real world. It was an effective and emotional storyline. Bonus points: The episode also gave us the new euphemism "angel sword," so there's that.
New Girl got its groove back
"Keaton" was weird and absurd, but also srs bsns as far as Schmidt's feels were concerned. Jess dress up as Batman. Winston's David Letterman was spot-on. And Nick-as-Michael-Keaton writing letters filled with wisdom and tenderness as a means of helping his buddy cope with life was both touching and hilarious. But none of that could stop Schmidt from—*gasp*—moving out of the loft, and into a smaller apartment that better reflects Arts
District L.A., leaving the bartender, the radio producer, and the
teacher to pay for a four-bedroom loft in one of the most popular areas
of one of America's most expensive cities. Enjoy poverty, kids! At least until you can find a new roommate, that is. New Girl is taking a week off for baseball, but a certain someone we've all been waiting for is poised to return when we come back. (Coach. It's Coach.)
Shaw is thawed on Person of Interest
"Razgovor" was Samantha Shaw's best episode since her incredible introduction in Season 2, as the stone-cold former secret agent reluctantly set out on a character-defining adventure in search of her hard-to-find feelings. She found a relatable pal in the number of the week, a 10-year-old girl named Gen who'd taken up spying as a hobby, and the youngster helped Shaw get in touch with some deep emotions. As Gen said, "I figured you out. It's not that you don't have feelings, it's just like, the volume is turned way down, like the sound on an old tape. The voices are there, you just have to listen." It was an important episode for both Shaw and the POI fans who think she's crowding the series.
Death by fence for a Walking Dead zombie
True story: Tim once attended an Oasis concert in a small club and it was just as they were starting to get popular and the venue wasn't nearly big enough and he was in the front row and this is what he felt like.
It's Always Sunny in Westeros... sorta
Game of Thrones creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss wrote this week's episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (we know, whaaaa?), and "Flowers for Charlie" proved that the pair can step into any world and make it great, as Philly's weirdest janitor took some experimental intelligence pills that made him read books and learn Mandarin (supposedly). However, the highlight of the episode was Sweet Dee getting her hand "caught" on one of those glue-covered rat traps after she stuck her arm through a hole in a wall. Thankfully, things turned out better for her than they did for Jaime Lannister.
Pleased to meet you, Samantha Jones!
The Carrie Diaries introduced Carrie's future BFF in its Season 2 premiere, and so far, she's wonderful.
American Horror Story's Madame LaLaurie wasn't ready to see a black president
But her reaction to the news was nothing short of amazing. A small highlight in episode full of so much discomfort and WTFery that its sheer audacity deserves a spot in FTW.
The Big Bang Theory's ode to nerds and Bernadette
It was basically "couples week" on TBBT, and while some parts of "The Romance Resonance" were stronger than others, we're suckers for lots of geek references set to music. Howard really pulled this performance off well, and we couldn't help but sway along.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine's Halloween hijinks
We're liking this show more and more with each passing week, and "Halloween" was a delightful outing that featured quality storylines for lots of different characters, plus an in-office caper that came together quite cleverly in the end.
Jim Beaver's on Revolution! Annnnd Jim Beaver's off Revolution
The Supernatural and Justified and Deadwood star dropped by NBC's powerless drama for a guest role as a Texas Ranger, and we were super excited to see our favorite character actor appear on another show. But then he was killed at the end of the episode, making the celebration a short one. We didn't even have time to buy him a cake.
The latest spin on the famed bloodsucker takes plenty of creative liberties, not the least of which is having him pose as an American businessman who wants to bring clean energy to Victorian-era London. But hey, NBC has done worse, and if the show is willing to have some fun with its ridiculous premise, it has the potential to offer some Friday-night fun.
Beware The Batman causes superhero cartoon deja vu
The latest animated incarnation of Batman hasn't been as entertaining as we'd hoped it would be after its promising series premiere—the show's Metamorpho episode was especially terrible—but Cartoon Network's unannounced pulling of the show from its schedule is the Young Justice and Green Lantern: The Animated Series debacle all over again. The cable channel is staying mum on why it yanked the show and when it might return. And while we're not necessarily mourning Beware's disappearance, it's what the disappearance means that matters: Cartoon Network seems to have little patience for action animation these days, even if the show is founded in a strong franchise.
NBC wants to remake Murder, She Wrote
What the hell is Bob Greenblatt thinking? Octavia Spencer is terrific in
anything, but she deserves a project that's more than just a "vintage" show with a significant meaning for an older audience. It's like NBC hasn't learned a single thing from Ironside's failure.
Rather than carefully structuring its annual October soiree to titillate longtime fans while also providing a fitting farewell to Caleb as he transitions to the new show, PLL had its titular Liars stumble and shriek through the washed-out colors and creeptacular dying-swan labyrinth of Ravenswood. It might've been their most pitiful outing as women to date, including Hanna and her beau's anticlimactic kiss goodbye as she sent him off to hang with a would-be corn-chips seducer. "Hey, bus mate, you want to watch me stick my butt out for these corn chips while we talk about how we're orphans?" Talk about a meet-cute. Also: [SPOILER BUT NOT REALLY IF YOU'VE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION] Alison's not dead.
Thanks to the Emmy award-winning House of Cards and beloved Orange Is the New Black, Netflix likely has about 30 million subscribers to HBO's measly 28.7. Sure, most of us are just using our subscriptions to watch Quantum Leap reruns, and HBO still makes some of the best TV anywhere ever, but if the next "supreme" (as AHS: Coven might put it) has its druthers, Netflix will follow HBO's model to the bitter end... of cable. Of cable!
Look, we're all for Revenge returning to its soapy badass roots, but this week's episode, which undid pretty much everything that preceded it, was kind of weird. We're glad Conrad's fake illness is gone (boy oh boy, was that awful), we're fine with the confession storyline hitting a brick wall, and we're 100 percent on board for whatever Nolan's doing with Patrick, but we're also ready to get down to business. How about some forward momentum on the season-long arc, Revenge? And if you're not going to do that, at least have someone push a random stranger over a railing or set a yacht on fire! This is the Hamptons, after all. Where's all the juicy, over-the-top drama?
Orange Is the New... blackface?
Uh, does Dancing with the Stars' Julianne Hough know what year it is? On Friday night, the dancer/singer/ignoramus dressed up as Crazy Eyes from Orange Is the New Black. But wait, Hough and award-winning actress Uzo Aduba have dissimilar skin tones, so... ugh. Shame on you, lady!
Homeland's big "twist"
Screw you, Homeland! It's not that Saul and Carrie working together the whole time was bad, it's that you spent almost four hours tricking us with things that didn't make sense once the truth came out. You're in the doghouse, show.
CBS will celebrate Christmas by airing a pair of I Love Lucy episodes IN COLOR
On December 20, CBS will air two episodes of I Love Lucy as one single "Christmas special": the iconic grape-stomping "Lucy's Italian Movie" and the lesser-known "Christmas Episode." But in a completely inexplicable move, the episodes will be colorized. Is there any reason to colorize them beyond, "You know what will make the younger demographic stay home on a Friday night and watch two hilarious episodes of a 1950s multi-cam sitcom? TECHNICOLOR!" We're all for trying to woo a younger generation with the antics of Lucy, Ricky, Ethel, and Fred, but Instagramming them seems like a really cheap way to do so. You leave Lucy alone, CBS. You leave her alone.
What's on YOUR list of TV loves and hates this week?