Game of Thrones: Hot and Heavy Lies the Crown

It was a rough day for some blondes in Game of Thrones's sixth episode, titled "A Golden Crown." The obvious allusion that title makes is to the boiling-hot final scene, but can't it also apply to the future coronation of blonde-haired Joffrey? And all the Lannisters as well?

The show hasn't exactly been hiding its obsession with hair color, and that came to a head (pun!) last night as Ned took a look at Westeros' hard copy of Facebook and dug up this interesting fact: every Baratheon heir has been dark of hair. Both of Robert's bastards that we saw had dark hair. The lightbulb goes off in Ned's brain (and ours, if it hadn't already). Joffrey is blonde. Myrcella is blonde. Tommen is blonde. Throw in the fact (that we know, but Ned does not) that Cersei likes getting railed by her blonde brother Jaime, and we've got something fishy going on. Unless the trademark Lannister blonde hair is some sort of super dominant gene, we have one really twisted royal family on our hands. I guess that makes Lannisport the Arkansas of Westeros.

Ned's spot between a rock and a hard place continues to tighten. As if Ned's relationship with Robert wasn't rocky enough, imagine having to tell your buddy and King that his kids might not actually be his. On the other hand, it might just be the kind of ammunition that Ned needs to oust the Lannisters as royal impostors. We don't know if this is all true yet, but the evidence is there, isn't it? Could this be the same secret that Jon Arryn held, the same secret that led to his murder? From one Hand to the next, I suppose.

Over in loincloth land, Dany is having a nice breakfast of horse heart to prove she's worthy of her new people by literally ingesting one of the things that's most sacred to them. But she didn't even use a knife and fork! How barbaric! The meal serves a second purpose, giving strength to her unborn child who will one day open a can of whoop-ass on those usurping dogs in Westeros. Normally I wouldn't treat any scene in which an adorable young girl scarfs down the ventricles of a horse as celebratory, but it's such a wonderful ascension for Dany that I couldn't help chanting "Rhaego!" with all the rest of the Dothraki.

Meanwhile, Viserys, sensing his claim to the throne is slipping away (did he ever really have a claim in the first place?), just makes dumb move after dumb move which is to be expected from a character as blind with power as he is. He tries to steal the dragon eggs then shows up drunk to the Dothraki kegger going on and on about how he deserves the crown. Well, he got what he deserved alright. Viserys barely flinched when Slutty Handmaid poured wax on his chest in the tub, but throw some molten gold on his head and he goes down like a sack of potatoes. The focus may have been on Viserys, but this is Dany's moment. Isolated from the royal mess that is Westeros, her character has seen the most growth by far.

Tyrion's situation suddenly seems less treacherous in light of Viserys' demise. But he still needs to find a way out of his predicament, and where stronger men would rely on the sharp blade, Tyrion must rely on his sharp wit. His conversations with the dim jailer were priceless, and his confessions before Lysa were uproarious--it's nice to know that there were plenty of euphamisms for masturbation back then as there are now. Just don't get the image of Tyrion "skinning the sausage" in your head, or you'll never be able to have a cocktail weenie again. Uh oh, you just pictured it in your head, didn't you?

With no chance to win the favor of the despicable child-lord Robin in an honest trial, Tyrion asks for trial by combat and requests a champion to fight in his stead. Up steps Bronn, probably figuring that if he wins he'll be set with all the Lannister gold he can carry. He's an outside-the-armor thinker like Tyrion, so he opts to skip platemail, a shield, and all that other heavy stuff, and does his own take on Ali's rope-a-dope, tiring out his opponent and finishing him off with just a few well-placed slashes.

That fight is a great microcosm of Game of Thrones. Honor, while gallant and able to drop the breeches of the fairest of maidens, often gets you an early grave. The survivors are the ones who employ tactics of deception, wit, and knowledge. Sure shiny armor looks good, but it's entirely too cumbersome to count when it matters. If you need me, I'll be cowering in the corner with loose fitting linen clothes. Alive. Hiding behind Samwell Tarley.

Notes from the ravens
--The slap heard 'round the world! One of the most satisfying scenes of the series so far has to be Cersei on the wrong end of the King's five-fingered justice.

--Sansa took her bitchiness to another level, and Joffrey begging her forgiveness sure didn't help her attitude. At this point, those two deserve each other.

--Ned bringing down the justice on The Mountain: good move or bad move?

--Lysa: "You don't fight with honor!" Bronn: "No, he did." Burrrrrrn!


Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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They changed the name to Robin for the show, since having two Roberts was too confusing for most people, as if the plot didn't do that already.
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The young Lord Arryn's name is Robert, not Robin.

Other than that, lol all the way.
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Ned Stark finally takes action. I good move I think. Might finally shed some light on the whole Lannister business
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Visery finally a spectacular ending and Dany she is amazing. Hope i see more of her, next Sunday :))
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Once again this show manages to deliver an excellent episode.
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SimonCoppenGar, In the books the wolf does help out in the fight in the woods
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I agree with kp248
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ep*
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i just watche dep 7....all i can say is woow...
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'No gold???? F@#$@ off!!!!!!!! haahhahahaahhahaahhaah epic... Best episode so far... George Martin rules.... HBO don\'t ever cancel Game of thrones....
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Fab episode, story moving along at a good pace now. The only thing that I wondered about was why Bran's direwolf didn't come to his resuce when the band of scruffs attacked him? Do we assume it was locked up in the castle so it wouldn't spook the horses?
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There's no reason to be posting spoilers in the comments, one tag doesn't do much good when people are scrolling up and down. Anyway, I thought this was the first episode that wasn't an improvement over the previous(granted episode five was incredible). I find everything happening south of the Narrow Sea to be just a tad cheesy, and the look of the Dothraki are right out of a bad '80s flick. No wonder Drogo's playing Conan.
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Have I missed something before or am I right to feel that the egg-barbecue followed by the "Fire cannot kill a dragon" in the end was kind of an important step in imagining what's in store for Dany? I haven't read the books but wouldn't she be the last dragon? I can't wait to see how this part of the story unfolds.
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@thedarKforce "Just a little thing, in the books the Baratheon's who's descriptions Ned reads are all from unions of Stag and Lion. Hence Jon Arryn's last words, The Seed is Strong" Nice detail about the book! Best episode yet! Loved the fact the Viserys is gone, also the slap on the queen was awesome! as well as the fight por Tyrion's life! Can't wait for next weeks episode!!!
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What a great episode, everything is just getting more and more complex. I love it. Just one remark: What kind of cheap hunting party was that? The king goes hunting and it is just 4 men wandering in the woods. worst visual of the entire series yet.
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This show just keeps getting better and better.
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No girls got it from behind, how sad!
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nice show... has a nice LotR character to it.... Big scenes.. epic fights.. honor.. *like it*

hope they do sth similar with The Dark Tower by King.. would be very much appreciated (sorry for my english.. I am German)
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nice show... has a nice LotR character to it.... Big scenes.. epic fights.. honor.. *like it*

hope they do sth similar with The Dark Tower by King.. would be very much appreciated (sorry for my english.. I am German)
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Lol, love your style of writing Tim. Keep up the good reviews. As to your question: Personally, while I'd love nothing more than to see The Mountain get his just desert, Ned's attempt to bring it to him was, in my opinion, a very very bad move. (SPOILERS AHEAD)

Demanding the death of an arm of, arguably, one of the most powerful men in the seven kingdoms, and then threatening that man with being possibly declared as an enemy of the kingdom, given King Robert’s financial debt to that man (and especially given that Robert wasn’t even there), was beyond rash and stupid. Don’t get me wrong, as the protagonist, Ned is very much my favorite character, but his retort to Lord Baelish’s comment about “gold winning wars, rather than soldiers” being false, given that Robert is in power, only confirmed Ned’s naivety given that gold can very easily buy soldiers. When contemplating Stark's actions I can’t help but remember Lord Baelish’s comment about Ned and Lady Stark after their first introduction: “Starks- quick tempers; slow minds”. While it’s true that Ned is an honorable solder, a loyal friend and father, a skilled and industrious fighter, and even a resourceful problem solver given his revelation about the true lineage of Prince Joffrey, one thing he is most obviously not is a political strategist. Speaking of Lord Baelish, I’m going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction that he is in league with Cersie Lannister and conspiring to draw the Starks into a war with the Lannisters. After all, it was he who admitted that he thought the Starks were gullible; it was he made the connection for Ned and Lady Stark that a Lannister was behind the attempt on their son’s life; it was he who has been pushing for Ned to find out what Jon Arryn knew before he died; it was he who has been trying the hardest to gain Ned’s trust; and it was he nudged Ned in the direction of Tywin Lannister this episode. Most importantly, given the revelation that Prince Joffrey is a Lannister, if Robert were to die, Prince Joffrey would take over in his wake leaving a Lannister as head of the seven kingdoms- not a Baratheon. As was noted earlier, Robert’s rule, and thus his life, could be put in jeopardy if the Starks and Lannister’s go to war which is exactly the position Baelish seems to be luring the Starks into.
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love it more and more weekly
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Game of Thrones penetrates my heart in a completely non-sexual way. It tugs, pulls, jerks and whacks my heart until it pulsates incessantly, changing my blood pressure and temperature which causes a sensation that essentially allows me to transport myself into the world of Game of Thrones, becoming an omniscient viewer who cannot be seen by other characters and only exists in my mind. After that Game of Thrones has my babies and immediately looks as sexy as ever with no hint of it ever even being pregnant. It is a wonderful father to my children. I am a male but I am not gay nor did I have sex with Game of Thrones. Forget what it sounds like. It is a TV show. I KNOW that and I am not in fantasy-love with this fantasy television program. Seriously, stop accusing me of stupid, insane alleged acts with a TV show. OMG! It was concensual! Leave me alone... :(
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Next weeks show is even better setting up the final hours perfectly. So glad I was finally able to get into HBOgo and watch it today but then was pissed that I did because now I have to wait 2 weeks for the next new episode. I can't lie though, it was so worth it.
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Lmao at the hard copy of Facebook! Another great episode, this show is pure gold :)
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All along I was trying to figure out if I liked Viserys or loathed him. I'm still undecided, but that scene was very very awesome.
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Just a little thing, in the books the Baratheon's who's descriptions Ned reads are all from unions of Stag and Lion. Hence Jon Arryn's last words, "The Seed is Strong"
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All around it was another great episode. Dany made eating a horse heart so sexy. Visery wanted a gold crown and by golly he sure did get it. The douche! Can someone please do that to Jaime Lannister next because he sure does deserves it. Ned bringing down justice on the Mountain I have to say is kind of a bad move. Didn't he see what he did to his horse. Don't want to be one of those guys who he sent after him at all. Sansa, oh Sansa, why can't you get a clue. She and Joffrey really do deserve one another. Ned finally figured it out which I did two episodes ago, those Lannister kids ain't yours Robert. I wonder how and if he will tell Robert. And we come to my favorite part of the episode, hey Cersi what did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP! God she had that coming. Arya still rules!!!!
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@Sansa Stark- I hate you.
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It was a beautiful episode. I'm glad Viserys or whatever his name, finally got what he deserved. Dany is growing more and more on me. And if it comes between the starks and the Lannisters, i would take the lannisters as twisted as they may seem.
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Tyrion is great, all in all a very likable character, even though he's a Lannister and although he's accused of murder and conspiracy etc. we have no concrete proof, only heresay. On the other hand Lady Arryn and her son are not especially likable, and I pity any soul being sentenced to fly by them. Viserys finally got what he deserved, good riddance. Can the Lannisters and the Starks mend the fences or is it just a question of time before the King's peace comes to a grinding halt? It's about time we visited The Wall again. Jon and his wolf needs our company. Just so.
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Yeah once again this was another great episode.
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best tv-show,WOW
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This never fails to deliver , great show seriously. colossal production
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Another GREAT episode of Game of Thrones!!!!!
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PERFECT.
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that Burrrrrrrrn! was nice :D. Also really enjoyed episode, finally I have that feeling about these series that I cant just wait the next one
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