Game of Thrones: The 7 Most Important Things to Happen in "Stormborn"

Let's be honest! (Can I be honest?) Game of Thrones got off to an okay start to Season 7 last week. Yes, I said "okay." We were all so incredibly thrilled to have Game of Thrones back in our lives that we forgot to pay attention to whether or not the episode was good or not and we lavished it with high scores, fresh tomatoes and insane ramblings on message boards.

But the truth is that "Dragonstone" was a refresher on where we left off and a plain ending to things started in the spectacular Season 6 finale "The Winds of Winter." (Dany got on her boat, Dany got off her boat.) What I'm saying is, we only got seven episodes this season, so let's move it along, Benioff and Weiss. Or should I say, Ed Sheeran superfans! (Speaking of overly praised... just kidding, just kidding, I don't even know who he is.)

In reality, Game of Thrones has two series finales coming up: one showing us who plants their tuchus on that chair made of pointy swords -- which could be the Season 7 finale -- and one showing us how fast a White Walker melts when being doused with dragon breath -- which could be the actual series finale. Now is not the time to dilly-dally.

So did "Stormborn" step on the gas and get things going? Not as much as we'd like, but the movement felt much more pronounced than "Dragonstone," ratcheting up the drama towards impending war even further. In fact, "Stormborn" felt like the dawn before final war more than ever before, and I loved every second of it.

So whether you're here to remember what happened or here to find out what happened so you can spoil your friends before they watch it, let's recount the important things that happened.

Dany Summons Her Nephew Jon Snow-Stark-Targaryen

One thing Game of Thrones is suffering from as it nears its end is Westworlditis, also known as Mr. Robot Fever, the television disease in which everything is so overdissected by the "wisdom of the crowd" (coming this fall to CBS) -- aka crowdsourcing theories and spoilers -- that it's nearly impossible to not know what's coming up next. And sure, this one's a gimme in that of course Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) and Jon Snow (Kit Harington) are going to meet someday before the show ends, but watching it unfold is a matter of "OK, we know this already," just as we always knew Dany would come to Westeros, because of course she was going to. However, Game of Thrones is using this to build in some serious tension between Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) and Jon -- though part of me believes Sansa would have tension with a bag of rocks if she were left alone with it for too long.

Sansa's argument -- and the argument of Jon's fellow northern lords -- is that Dany is part Targaryen, and the last time a Targeryen was in power, a lot of people got roasted. Not helping things is the fact that the person who sent the summons has the last name Lannister, and the Lannisters hunt Starks for sport.

Jon's argument is that Dragonstone is basically a mountain of White Walker kryptonite, so he has to go there anyway to get enough dragonglass to kill the ice zombies, and that Dany's army will change the game in the fight against Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey). Sure, it's easy for us to be on Jon's side since we've spent six seasons knowing that Dany and Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) aren't like the rest of their family, but I doubt wifi is good enough in Westeros for the Karstarks, Umbers and Manderlys to get HBO Go.

This Jon-Sansa fighting isn't going to go away anytime soon, especially now that Jon is horsing off to Dragonstone against her wishes. Let's hope Sansa understands that she can't stop the inevitability of Jon meeting Dany and realizing the shipping dreams of fans who choose to ignore that the two are related.

Tyrion's Cunning Season-Extending Battleplan

THIS. This is important. While Yara Greyjoy (Gemma Whelan) and Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) are ready to knock on the door of King's Landing and shove their way inside, Tyrion has better ideas and knows that we still have 11 episodes (only 11!?!?!?) of Game of Thrones left. Rather than play into Cersei's xenophobic platform and storm King's Landing with a horde of Dothraki and Unsullied, he wants to use Westerosi men to do the fighting in order to keep things in the hood.

Instead, the Unsullied will crush the morale of the Lannisters by taking over Casterly Rock, while the Dornish army will boat up north and support the rest of the troops in choking off King's Landing from supplies, forcing Cersei to make some moves lest she run out of wine. The most important part of this plan is it means Game of Thrones won't end next week!

Cersei's Anti-Dragon Artillery

Everyone: "But Dany has dragons, why doesn't she just firebomb King's Landing to rubble with those overgrown lizards?" Well, the writers thought about that too, and they came up with a plan. Shoot them with huge sticks. Okay, it's not the most elegant anti-dragon strategy, but those massive mounted crossbows that Qyburn's engineers have been working on in the basement should do the trick the next time Drogon decides to buzz the King's Landing tower. The only downside? That's got to be a bitch to aim, and don't even think of reloading in time because you'll be toast. To quote the great Ser Aemonem from House 8 Mile, "Thou only getteth one shot." Better make it count.

Greyworm Tells Missandei That He's Scared of Her aka BUTTS

It's been so long since Game of Thrones had some fornicatin' in it that I practically forgot that it was only a few seasons ago that all the Puritans out there were complaining day and night about the abundance of sex in the show. But this bout of bangin' came with a slice of romance as Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) and Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) gave into their totally obvious desires and rolled their naked bodies around on a bed.

Grey Worm was initially hesitant because, well, Unsullied anatomy, but Missandei the pro translator knows every single language. Including body language, and nothing tells a man that it's okay like flaunting your rocking bod. Message received, loud and clear!

To be honest, I'm unsure about this. Grey Worm and Missandei don't really have any story beyond their thing, so what do they do now? Could trouble be on the horizon? Or did Benioff and Weiss realize that there are enough important things down the line that now was the right time to deliver this fan service?

The Season of Match Cuts Continues

Following last week's epic match cut from a bowl of soupy diarrhea to a bowl of diarrhea-y soup, Game of Thrones continued its love of creative edits by cutting from the lancing of a pus-filled wound to a shroom-filled pot pie.

But it wasn't the direction that was important here; it was what was on either side of the match cut. Sam risked his maester internship big time by practicing some medicine on Ser Friendzone/Ser Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) and attempting to remove his grayscale (spoiler: he's gonna be successful). And on the other side, Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) reunited with Hot Pie at the inn where he bakes. Hot Pie told Arya that Jon was King in da Norf and chilling in Winterfell, which was news to Arya so she changed her plans and headed Norf.

A Girl and Her Wolf... Maybe?

Okay this part was a little confusing, but hey, we're here so let's give it a shot. On her way up to Winterfell, Arya was surrounded by wolves and everyone and their mom was like, "OMG Nymeria is gonna come out and they will hug and I will be so happy!" And Nymeria did come out!

Or was it Nymeria? Arya seemed to think so, and Arya is well past that age where you can just replace her pet with a similar looking pet after the original one dies, so I'm guessing she'd know. Arya begged Nymeria -- who was almost full on feral and a leader of this new pack -- to come with her to Winterfell, but Nymeria backed down and turned away.

As Nymeria left, Arya said, "That's not her," with a smile. (I checked the closed captioning.) So what gives!?!? Was that Nymeria or not? What did Arya mean by "that's not her," was that another direwolf? Did Arya mean that Nymeria had changed? Did Arya smile just because Nymeria was alive and happy with some other wolves terrorizing little girls along the Kingsroad? Did Arya actually say, "It's not her," as in "It's not her, it's me," because she's changed so much since she last saw Nymeria? We may never know until someone from Reddit cracks this mystery in 15 minutes.

[UPDATE] Annnnnnd solved. "That's not you" was aimed at Nymeria, as in a life in Winterfell isn't for Nymeria because she's a wolf now. It's a reference to a Season 1 conversation between Ned and Arya, when Arya said a lady's life wasn't for her. So now you need to watch every single episode of Game of Thrones before you watch every single episode of Game of Thrones in order to understand things. Got it.

Too Bad They Weren't the Sea Snakes

Bad news for all two of you Sand Snakes fans out there. I think we're down to just sand snake, yes, singular. In a battle between Yara's fleet and Euron Greyjoy's (Pilou Asbæk), a bunch of squid people boarded Yara's ship and kicked the tentacles of Yara's army. And among those casualties were Whale Rider Sand Snake and Iron Fist's Colleen Wing Sand Snake, aka Spear Snake and Whip Snake. Obara Sand (Keisha-Castle Hughes) and Nymeria Sand (Jessica Henwick), respectively, if you want to get technical, and yes, I had to look that up. Admit it, you weren't that sad when they died.

As for Ellaria and Tyene (Rosabell Laurenti Sellers), they were probably taken hostage by Euron's men, to be used as bait to lure the Dornish army to their side, or to be used in much worse ways. Yara was also grabbed by her uncle, while Theon jumped overboard to save his own hide (I don't blame him).

Conclusion

I was thoroughly entertained by "Stormborn" and on a scale of 1-10, I give it somewhere around an 8.2. Now someone knock me out until next Sunday because I can't wait that long.

Game of Thrones airs Sunday nights at 9/8c on HBO.

This article originally appears on TV Guide.com.

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Aug 18, 2017
Why is this still here? It's been 3 weeks now!
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Aug 10, 2017
Good article, but it's been the top story for five days now. Shouldn't there be something else happening in the world of TV since then?
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Jul 27, 2017
Arya going back to Winterfell made me extremely happy. PotPies are life.
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Jul 27, 2017
I'm thinking Ellaria and Tyene are part of a gift package for Cersei - after all, Ellaria is responsible for Cersei's daughter's death! and, Yara might make it a nice round three gift package. He did promise her a gift after all.
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Jul 25, 2017
Theon has to grow his dick back to redeem himself now.
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Jul 25, 2017
That was a Faceless Wolf wearing Nymeria's face!!!! That's what Arya meant!

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Jul 25, 2017
Poor Theon...one just doesn't get over what happened to him.
It all started when Sand ordered him to get her some drink....Reek snuck in.
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Jul 24, 2017
Wow, after not seeing a review (sorry, I meant recap) from Tim last week, reading this made me feel like a heroin addict getting a fix. It's also nice whenever an article shows up on here that takes me more than 30 seconds to read!
Hope you're able to keep them coming the rest of the season Tim, a GoT episode just doesn't feel complete until I read your review (sorry, I meant recap!)

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Jul 25, 2017
But there's no pictures :(
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Jul 25, 2017
True, but then with tvguide running things, I'm just thrilled to get a relatively lengthy, witty, and opinionated review...er, I mean recap!
Tim has the best GoT reviews on the net, so I'm just happy to get that back. It's bad enough they don't have him do TWD anymore, his pieces on that were often times more entertaining than the show itself, but I'll be fine as long as he keeps doing these.
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Jul 24, 2017
Nice review. I missed you last week Tim.
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Jul 24, 2017
nive
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Jul 24, 2017
The first episode was good but slow for some characters like Sam, Hound and Cersei. This episode was a lot faster paced and it was almost perfect. My only criticism is that they spent too much time on Cersei. The King's Landing storyline use to be exciting but so far this season its been incredibly slow and boring. Nothing against the actors I love Lena Headey and nikola.
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Jul 24, 2017
I dreaded every scene in Kings landing when they were plodding through the faith militant storyline, but I haven't had a problem with it since the winds of winter episode. Everything they've had thus far has been necessary to the stury IMO
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Jul 24, 2017
Ah, good to have you back commenting on Game of Thrones, Tim.

I can absolutely imagine Sansa getting so incensed at a bag of rocks that she storms off.

Not a big deal, but I found it a bit strange that you described Dany as "part" Targaryen. That's like saying Cersei is part Lannister or Bran is part Stark.
It's technically accurate, but a bit odd. Would she only be a full Targaryen if both her parents and all their ancestors were Targaryen?

It was interesting that they said that Dragon Glass would kill wights. Certainly in the books, it doesn't, it just breaks. Just White Walkers.

Was the Greyworm/Missandei scene the longest in the episode? It certainly felt like it. I quite like both characters, but I couldn't care less about this romance. A good three minutes wasted there. I'm guessing this is a prelude to Grey Worm dying. It's strange that they still feel the need for fillers scenes.

When I saw it, I couldn't understand the logic of the maesters not trying to cure greyscale because it was too dangerous - given that the victim is going to die soon anyway. But, now I think it might have meant that it was too dangerous to the maester removing the skin. Maybe, they always ended up becoming infected. So, will Sam get greyscale? The radical treatment basically consisted of removing the affected tissue and applying a lotion?

It was nice to see Hot Pie and Nymeria again. Arya seemed more distant with him than I would have expected, though. She seemed more at ease with the Lannister soldiers last week. In the books, there are often asides talking about a large wolf pack being led by a dire wolf, but we've heard nothing about them in the show up until now. I can only assume Arya will be saved by them at some point in the season.
I didn't understand the "That's not you" comment, so thanks for clearing that up.
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Jul 24, 2017
Nitpicking time!!

How the **** did that raven from Sam get to Winterfell and not the Wall? Sam doesn't know Jon left the Night's Watch...
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Jul 27, 2017
Maybe Jon set up "Raven-forwarding" before he left...
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Jul 24, 2017
Battle of the bastards would have been talked about throughout the Kingdom.
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Jul 24, 2017
If Hot Pie in the riverlands and Cercis in King's Landing knew that Jon was King in the North at Winterfell, then Sam at the Citadell would know too.
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Jul 24, 2017
They didn't say that it was the first raven to come from the Citadel. And even if Jon and Sam were not in contact, Varys is on Dragonstone. And he has his "birds" everywhere :)
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Jul 24, 2017
Tyrion knew they Jon was now King of the North, and you know how those Maesters like to gossip! So, it's possible that Sam had heard. Or maybe, he sent it to the Wall and they sent one to Winterfell?
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Jul 24, 2017
If I'm thinking that's not her means that "Arya" is some faceless man walking around with her identity I'm gonna go mad. So I'm leaning towards "Winterfell", as in castles and stuff, are not her same that being a lady wasn't Arya's thing either.
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Aug 20, 2017
"That's not you." was about Nymeria returning with her to Winterfell again. But Nymeria had outgrown her role as a pet. She was now a fearsome pack leader. The line refers back to Season One when Arya tells her father that she could wear silk dresses, join a sewing circle and be a proper lady, like Sansa. But that wasn't her. Her nature was to be adventurous like a knight.
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