Like most holiday reunions, Glee’s “Thanksgiving”—which was only a week late, not bad—reminded us that holiday reunions are only full of the warm and fuzzies until you remember why you hated talking to these people in the first place. Quinn (QUINN!), Puck Sr., Mike, Mercedes, and Santana all returned to celebrate the national day of gluttony with their families and mentor the new faces in New Directions. Finn paired them off with their respective mini-mes and Quinn’s sad regression to barely tolerable became apparent when she and Psycho Kitty became like OMG BFFs!
At almost halfway through the fourth season, Dianna Agron has been the most noticeably absent alumni. For as much as she was missed, the uncertainty of when she would eventually return made for some great suspense and with her heir apparent, Kitty, growing more and more terrible, I had hoped that Quinn’s return would bring with it an attitude adjustment of the most epic proportions. Instead, sadly, Quinn fell for Kitty’s charms hook, line, and sinker. Hate u, Kitty.
The campaign to kill or severely incapacitate Marley through the wonders of eating disorders was brought to you by laxatives this week. Glee’s Season 4 obsession with poop is fascinating. Santana jumped right into her mentor role with sincere enthusiasm that bordered on motherly overbearingness and confronted Marley about the pills she found while digging through her purse. Armed with the knowledge that Kitty is a psycho, Santana went to Quinn, who defended Kitty and said she was sweet. “Secret Nazi sorority” sisters stick together!
And then... the slap heard ‘round the world. Once the nostalgia kicks in, graduation may make you weirdly fond of classmates you never really liked, but it’s not going to magically turn you into best friends forever. Santana and Quinn’s old issues came up, fueled by new wrongs. Santana called Quinn out on being a snob, all pleased with herself for making it to Yale and maintaining her flawless academic record, while still holding on to her resentment for Puck Sr., rarely visiting their spawn, and banging her professor. Quinn countered with the old classic, “EVERYONE IS JUST JEALOUS OF MY AWESOMENESS,” and said that Santana wasn’t living her dream in Kentucky, which was really just a polite way of calling her a wuss and probably a loser.
With my one shining hope for the Kitty cat to be declawed neutralized, she was free to continue her onslaught of friendly destruction. Marley looked sicker and weaker throughout the episode, to the point that her shocking collapse during “Gangnam Style” wasn’t that shocking at all. HATE U, KITTY.
In New York, Rachel and Kurt did the “we’re too good for Ohio” thing and decided to wallow in their singles angst together. Rachel tried to give Brody the cold shoulder when Cassandra left him in charge of Dance 101 while she probably slept off a hangover, and Brody told Rachel to stop acting like a high schooler. It was a beautiful moment, the sort of tough love every college freshman needs—like being instructed to stop wearing your ID card on a lanyard around your neck like a tool or being advised to leave your marching band varsity jacket in the back of your closet, preferably if that closet is located in your parents’ basement.
Their truce led to, as Kurt put it, “using a turkey as a courtship device.” Little known fact: fondling cold poultry flesh is a total turn-on. Who knew?
Of course, the real party began when Sarah Jessica Parker showed up as Isabelle with an entourage of fellow “orphans.” Her relationship with Kurt is really kind of cute and I’m glad that someone finally told him to stop being an ass and at least TALK to Blaine. It’s not like he was any happier NOT talking to him, you know?
– My Glee Playlist: the alumni performance of “Homeward Bound/Home” was super pretty and Kurt and Isabelle’s “Let’s Have a Kiki” (Scissor Sisters FTW!) was fun until Rachel ruined it.
– I liked the Warblers’ performance better even before Marley passed out. Sorry not sorry. Just, for all the build-up to this supposedly amazing dance routine from New Directions, it just wasn’t all that great. Maybe the best was meant to come after Marley fainted? If that’s the case: HATE. U. KITTY.
– Kitty’s hero worship of Quinn is so creepy that I’m kind of waiting for the part where Kitty goes all Annie Wilkes on her.
– “Speak of the devil I knocked up.” Kinda hope that particular devil sticks around, though. I missed her smarm.
– Blaine and Kurt took tentative steps toward reconciliation when Kurt, at Isabelle’s encouragement, called Blaine before the sectionals performance and said that even though he can’t forgive him right now, they’re still best friends and he’d like to see Blaine at Christmas. Eee! My preciouses!
– Unique’s parents want to send her to a camp for little boys who like to wear dresses, yet the last time we saw them, they seemed pretty alright with their kid’s life choice. They were worried about Unique’s safety, not her wardrobe. You DO realize that parents being concerned that society won’t understand their child doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to CHANGE that child, right Glee?
– So I guess New Directions isn’t going to win sectionals this year? How does this bode for the rest of the competition season?