Good News! The Oscars Will Have Musical Numbers Again! (And No Eddie Murphy)

The fallout from RatnerGate continues today, as Eddie Murphy has pulled out as host of the 2012 Oscars, just a day after Brett Ratner resigned from producing duties for, well, being Brett Ratner. This might come as a disappointment to some of you, but believe me when I say that it’s for the best. For starters, Murphy told David Letterman that he refused to do musical numbers! What kind of Oscars doesn’t have a single song and dance? A terrible one, that’s what!

The conversation will obviously now turn to who should host Hollywood’s biggest night instead. Let’s turn to the intertubes for ideas, shall we?

IDEA #1: The Muppets

ANALYSIS: The departure of the creative team has breathed new life into a campaign called @MuppetOscars. Makes perfect sense: The Muppets are owned by Disney, which owns ABC, which airs the Oscars. They also have a new movie to promote. And, also, they are THE MUPPETS! They will definitely do a musical number! They will do many musical numbers! And make us laugh and happy to be alive. So I am definitely behind this movement.

CONCLUSION: Good idea!

IDEA #2: Random Characters from NBC's Thursday-Night Comedy Lineup

ANALYSIS: Names like Ron Swanson and Troy and Abed have been bouncing around. I understand the thinking: “These are characters on popular sitcoms which I enjoy, and therefore I think it would be amusing to say I would like to see these fictional characters hosting a real-life awards show. Suggesting them makes me sound very hip and irreverent!” Except it’s not going to happen, so let’s move on.


IDEA #3: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

ANALYSIS: This is a step in the right direction, since these are actual people, famous outside of a popular network sitcom block (but who still work within it), and who have extensive comedy writing experience. They also work very well together, and we've never had an Oscars telecast co-hosted by two women before. That said, there really is no element of surprise or novelty here. We know what we’re going to get.

CONCLUSION: Good, but not particularly exciting, idea.

IDEA #4: Courtney Stodden and/or Paz De La Huerta

ANALYSIS: These ideas come from’s own Louis Peitzman, and Stodden was echoed by Michael K., blogger at The idea here is to conceive of the person or persons who are least qualified to host a prestigious awards show, and have them host it in the hopes that it will turn into the greatest trainwreck of all time. Like the NBC sitcom character ideas, these ideas work better in tweets than in execution. But if it really comes down to a choice between Troy and Abed or Courtney and Paz, I choose Courtney and Paz.


IDEA #5: Just Literally Name Every Person Who Comes to Your Head and They Should Host

ANALYSIS: The Atlantic Wire’s Richard Lawson (who also once wrote for!) offers a list for every taste (and taste level, as Tim Gunn might say). There’s Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim, there’s the cast of Glee, there’s Stephen Colbert, there’s Will Ferrell. So many choices!

CONCLUSION: Collapses under the weight of its own indecision.

IDEA #6: Kim Richards of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

ANALYSIS: You guys! Be serious!

CONCLUSION: If we can’t trust her to tell us she’s been dating the same man for a year, how can we trust her to host the Oscars?

IDEA #7: A Hologram of Paul Lynde, Robocop, Doctor Zoidberg and Weird Al, All Together

ANALYSIS: I give up.

CONCLUSION: Actually, this honestly seems like the best scenario.

Now it's your turn! Who do YOU think should host the 2012 Oscars now that Eddie Murphy has withdrawn?

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