In an effort to keep chatter about H8R to a minimum with hopes that it will simply go away, I'll keep this short. The new CW show's premise is this: Viewers sit in front of their television and contemplate suicide for an hour. Oh sure, host and desperate leech Mario Lopez will tell you the show is about giving Z-list celebrities a chance to win over normal people who've slammed them for being, well, themselves, but make no mistake: H8R was designed by The CW as a way to population control. Or possibly because someone at The CW is trying to get fired.
Last night's series premiere saw Jersey Shore's Snooki and The Bachelor's most famous fighter pilot, Jake Pavelka, crawl face-to-face with two horrible people who have nothing better to do but complain about the reality stars' stardom. Spoiler alert! Snooki won over her H8R, but try as he might, Jake just couldn't change his H8R's mind (though to be fair, Jake's H8R was the WORST person on the face of the Earth). Then the show ended and I put down my shotgun and poured out my tumbler of cyanide just in time.
It doesn't do any of us any good to talk about this show any longer. There's no use in getting academic about it. H8R is what garbage takes out to the curb on trash day. It's what feces flushes down the toilet after a gorging itself on beans and canned-tuna burritos. It's everything that's wrong with celebrity pop culture. Let's just pretend it never happened.
Note: I couldn't muster the brainpower for intelligent discourse out of fear it would mean the bad guys (The CW, H8R, producer Mike Fleiss) win. If you are interested in a great academic take on H8R, check out Daniel Feinberg's excellent review at HitFix.
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom