Did you catch the premiere of Project Runway Season 9 on Lifetime on Thursday? Four designers were eliminated right off the bat after showing the judges their portfolios, then the 20 competitors were roused in the middle of the night by Tim Gunn and forced to make an outfit using only a bed sheet and whatever they'd worn to bed. It was a lot to take in, but we’re going to handicap the contestants as best we can using street sense, some snap judgments, and these fabulous slingbacks from the BlueFly accessories wall.
Anthony “Testicular Cancer” Auld
The weeper of the bunch, he boldly tells us he’s “rocking one ball,” because that has a lot to do with designing clothes. Taste level: adequate. Top 7 seems likely.
Anya “I Just Learned to Sew” Lee
Anya represented Trinidad and Tobago at the 2008 Miss Universe pageant. She also starred in her own leaked sex tape with her then-boyfriend, Wyatt Gallery. Based on those two facts alone, I think she’s a lock for Top 3, despite the fact that she only learned to sew four months before the competition.
Becky “Wacky” Ross
Has a streak of aqua hair, which makes her the funky, off-beat designer who marches to the beat of her own drummer. Designed the first American Flag, which should earn her some cred. Seems pretty cool.
Bert “Calm Blue Ocean” Keeter
The elder statesmen of the bunch, he gave up designing in the early ‘90s after losing several close friends to AIDS. After three years of sobriety, he’s back and ready to make some fashions. Won the first challenge with a fetching look, even though MICHAEL KORS WAS FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE STYLING OH MY GOD THE TERRIBLE STYLING AAAAAAAAH!!!!! Top 3; possible winner.
Laura “Barbie” Kathleen
Not as nice as she doesn’t seem, y’all.
Olivier “Prada Ad” Green
Hails from the country called “International.” Completely put-on accent that's impossible to identify. Top 7.
Kimberly “Who?” Goldson
No recollection, sorry.
Joshua “Bald Mormon” Christensen
Taste level: questionable. Repression level: high.
Fallene “Pixie Dust” Wells
Bryce “Your Gay Best Friend” Black
Normal, talented, nice. Top 5.
Cecilia “Self-Doubter” Motwani
Hampered by a lack of obnoxious self-confidence. Quietly competent. Top 7.
Vicktor “Gold Shoes” Luna
Fancies self a Latino Willy Wonka of the fashion world.
What do you think of the new crop of contestants? Got any early favorites?