Yes, it's that time of year: The time when veritable monsters rise up from the depths of the sea and swim straight to your television screen via Discovery Channel, and then they continue from there to your brain and right on into your nightmares. IS ANYONE SAFE? CAN WE NOT JUST ROUND THESE CREATURES UP AND SHOOT THEM INTO THE SUN ALREADY DEAR LORD?!?!
No, no we can't, but we can try to manage our almost inescapable fears by playing bingo with shaking fingers in our dry, dry living rooms. Here's how this works—you get some pennies or buttons together, and whenever you notice something on the Bingo card happening on your screen during Shark Week, be it a phrase, an action, or a type of footage, you cover up the square with the penny (or take a shot, depending on how at-sea you are, figuratively). It's up to you whether you want to play a new game with every program, or keep the same card going all week. How do you win? Be the first to notice what's going on! It's all about perception, reflexes, being aware of the predators circling around you! Like a true survivor, the most incremental difference in time between you noticing something and the other people beside you on your couch/in your lifeboat seeing the fin cutting through the water or the tail disappearing under the boat can make all the difference between chums and CHUM.
Good luck, and stay alive. SHARK WEEK!
Shark Week, which celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, begins Sunday, August 12 at 9pm with Air Jaws Apocalypse. See the full schedule at Discovery's official site, and keep an eye on our daily "What to Watch Tonight" stories for highlights.