Help Write Some NSFW Charlie Sheen Jokes for His Comedy Central Roast

Well, you must hand it to Comedy Central. The network's Roast Task Force was faced with the near-impossible—finding an honoree even more deserving of a brutal public shaming than last year’s Honorary Lizard of the Century, Donald Trump. And they’ve done it! Charlie Sheen will get the Comedy Central Roast treatment this year. Oh man. I would say “the jokes write themselves,” if most of the jokes hadn’t already been written by Sheen’s own, insufferable mouth already. The tiger blood, the fingertip poetry, the goddesses, the “WINNING!”—how do you even begin to top material like that? The guy is his own best worst frenemy.

It’s in moments like these that the dark genius of the departed Greg Geraldo would have really come in handy. But Roastmaster Jeff Ross says he’s up to the challenge, and the usual suspects—Lisa Lampanelli, Whitney Cummings, and former Aflac duck Gilbert Gottfried—are undoubtedly sharpening their flaying knives as we speak. Who knows—maybe even The Situation will return to bomb the hell out of the joint again.

All of which isn’t to say they couldn’t use your help. So we throw it open to you, TV.com readers. It’s time to share that Charlie Sheen gag you’ve been sitting on for months. Please remember, this is a family-ish site, so star-out words where appropriate, and try not to get too Aristocratic with the subject matter.

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In that picture, he is as bug-eyed as the prosecuting attorney at the Casey Anthony trial!
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In that picture, he is as bug-eyed as the prosecuting attorney at the Casey Anthony trial!
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Please Comedy Central, air the uncensored roast the same night as the censored roast premieres, not a month after.
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recently medics were called for an od'ing hooker at Charlie Sheens mansion, they found she'd consumed the most potent cocktail of drugs and drink ever discovered... they're now warning hookers going to see Mr Sheen to spit... not swallow
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And you thought Paula Abdul was crazy.
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The only thing Charlie Sheen loves more than hookers are dead hookers.
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Even the Hollywood hookers are nervous about Charlie.. They're asking for two forms of ID and a credit check before accepting his cash.
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Charlie thought "Two and a Half Men" couldn't go on without him. At least that's what Shelly Long and David Caruso told him.
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Really, seriously? They are making the job for the comedians waaay too easy! This will be a slaughter fest. How come I don't feel like saying "Poor Charlie" at all? It's like Chelsea Handler once said about some person like Charlie (it might even have been Charlie!): Without these people comedians wouldn't have a job. They are the reason it is easy to start the day writing jokes, they are the ones that create the material.
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Just in case Charlie requires a blood transfusion tonight, don't be alarmed, we have his blood type, AB Bengal Tiger, in the back!
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Another great movie from Charlie Sheen was Terminal Velocity right? Seems like he lost the Velocity though!
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Haha wow, it's gonna be brutal. I hope Seth Macfarlane hosts again, he killed it at the Trump roast.
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One thing that Charlie Sheen and OJ Simpson have in common is that people really liked them prior to 1994
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Charlie first met Denise Richards while working on the film Good Advice. You know what would’ve been better advice? “Don’t marry Charlie Sheen.”
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The only Tiger in Charlie was Tiger Beat, 25 years ago.
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Remember when Charlie Sheen was considered a talented actor? Anyone?
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Are you all kidding, or just blind? ".. to admire and respect??????" Charlie Sheen is a drug addict. His behavior has nothing to do with anything else but that. He's a drug addict with enough money to kill himself and all the while he's also a dad, a crappy dad at that.
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I think you're completely wrong if you can't at least admire that he found a way to be himself and get paid to do it for so long. Plus, he's got the attention w***e attitude in his freaking genes!!!! If you don't admire that then you are probably unsure who you really are. I think he's the only one that seems to understand how to use the world of the nosey (I'd rather use the b word, but family). And I'll be the first to admit that I am one of the "nosey" ones too.
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Guys do not be so cruel, Charlie go into retirement and will be better for all :)
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@Shikady If you believe any of the "but really we love you-crap" they say at the end of the roasts, think again.
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Who would wanna roast Charlie Sheen? Jokes aside, you have to admire and respect the person...I don't think anyone respect and admires Charlie Sheen.
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