Like the NHL Entry Draft, the announcement of the nominees for the Producers Guild Awards, and the unveiling of the lineup for Animal Planet's annual Puppy Bowl, the reveal of the participants for Dancing With the Stars is one of television's most thrilling events. Obviously you woke up at 6am today to watch the announcement live on Good Morning America , but here's a little reminder in case you want to revisit the exhilaration all over again. Ladies and germs, here are the "stars" you'll see a-dancing in 2013!
The Disney Star: Zendaya ColemanRepresentin' the Mouse House and Oaktown, California, is 16-year-old Zendaya, star of the Disney Channel's Shake It Up! . She's also been an Old Navy model and has a giant Schnauzer, according to ABC!
The Fool: Andy DickFollowing in the footsteps of Tom DeLay and Jeffrey Ross, Andy Dick is just here for us to laugh at. Dick loves to party, and it shows on his rap sheet. He's been arrested multiple times for groping, possession of drugs (pills, powder, and puffage), and indecent exposure of Andy Dick, Jr. But hey, he was an original cast member of The Ben Stiller Show , so that counts for something. ABC would also like you to know that he was named homecoming king at his high school.
The Former Olympian: Dorothy HamillHamill was Mary Lou Retton before Mary Lou Retton was Mary Lou Retton, becoming an over-several-nights sensation when she figure-skated her way to gold in the 1976 Olympics. But she'll most fondly be remembered as that woman who gave herself a haircut with a bowl on her head.
The Comedian: D.L. HughleyThe star of The Hughleys and The Original Kings of Comedy has been in a lot of things that didn't last that long. ABC didn't add any personal information to his bio, but Wikipedia tells me that his dad was a Delta Air Lines maintenance worker. You may also know him from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip .
The Footballer: Jacoby JonesYeesh... tough year to get a football player on board I guess?
The Rayna James: Wynonna JuddThe five-time Grammy winner is the draw for the Bible Belt, and will use this opportunity to help sell her upcoming eighth studio album. Let's see if she lasts longer on ABC than her sister dead on Missing .
The Boxer: Victor OrtizThe 26-year-old former Welterweight champion joined Dancing With the Stars because what's he gonna do, get famous for being part of the dying sport that is boxing? Even MMA ring girls are more famous than boxers these days.
The Juliette Barnes: Kellie PicklerThe former American Idol contestant is now 26 years old and one of the young stars of country music. I can't wait to see her and Wynonna claw each others' eyes out.
The Soap Star: Ingo Rademacher
Apparently Ingo is a man, and he was on the soap opera General Hospital . Apparently he's great at skiing, horseback riding, paddleboarding, triathlons, volleyball, and race-car driving, too. And in all seriousness, he has a son named Peanut. I LOVE THIS GUY.
The Current Olympian: Alexandra Raisman
One of the darlings of the 2012 Olympics, 18-year-old Alexandra won the individual gold medal in the women's gymnastics floor exercise and the individual bronze medal on the balance beam, all while captaining the team that took America's heart captive by winning the overall gold. But her greatest accomplishment came later when she won something at the Cartoon Network Hall of Game Awards.
The Real Housewife: Lisa Vanderpump
The restaurateur and star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules is here too. That's all, she doesn't need more attention.
Wow, what a crew! Here's a fun game: Correctly identify all the "stars" in the photo above and you win a free year's supply of Dr. Scholl's foot soles!
Dancing With the Stars premieres March 18 on ABC.