Hey TV.com, Should I Watch Beauty and the Beast?

Hey guys, we've screened the pilot of Beauty and the Beast, The CW's new reboot of the 1980s sorta-classic that once starred Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman as interspecial lovers. So is it worth your time? Here's a quick FAQ to help you determine this information.

What is Beauty and the Beast?

Beauty and the Beast is about a tough, orphaned cop named Catherine Chandler (Smallville's Kristin Kreuk) who forges an uneasy alliance with the handsome man-thing (Terra Nova's Jay Ryan) that once saved her life. As they bond over their common goal of destroying local hoodlums, Catherine begins to discover the sad/shocking truth about Vincent's condition (hint: It involves 9/11!) and may just fall in love with him along the way.

When does it premiere?

Beauty and the Beast debuts Thursday, October 11 at 9pm on The CW.

Who's behind it?

Writers/executive producers Sherri Cooper and Jennifer Levin both previously worked on Unforgettable and Brothers & Sisters. Gary Fleder, the director of the pilot, used to make movies (Kiss the Girls) but now works on literally any TV show that will have him (Vegas, The River, Life Unexpected). But I must point out that despite being fundamentally different in several baffling ways, Beauty and the Beast is based on a 1987 Linda Hamilton-starring TV series created by Ron Koslow.

Who's the target audience?

Women ages 10-14.

What's good about it?

Kristin Kreuk is pretty. Jay Ryan is pretty (his "beast" is more like a shapeshifter, so he looks hunky 98 percent of the time). That's about it.

Are there any not-good parts I should know about?

Almost all of them? Putting aside the very obviously stupid things about this premise, casting, and writing, Beauty and the Beast also traffics in some extremely troubling messages—including an implicit endorsement of women putting up with male rage—as well as a callous reference to 9/11 that truly proves 11 years was still too soon.

Okay, but seriously, should I watch it?

No. Unfortunately the whole thing is too boring to qualify as "so bad it's good." This thing is so bad it's bad. If, in the future, Beauty and the Beast takes a turn for True Blood-style ridiculousness, then it might be worth revisiting. But as is, this pilot is an embarrassing low point for The CW.

Do you have a clip or a trailer I can take a look at?

Drink of choice for my Beauty and the Beast viewing experience?

A soda fountain suicide. (A little bit of every soda mixed together and it all just tastes like garbage.)

Beauty and the Beast debuts Thursday, October 11 at 9pm on The CW.

Like TV.com on Facebook