Hey TV.com, Should I Watch Red Widow?

Got an idea for a show that involves a strong female lead doing stereotypically manly things? Pitch it to ABC! The network's affinity for ladies living large continues with the new midseason drama Red Widow, debuting this weekend. But is this Sopranettes worth watching, or should you erase the show from your memory as soon as possible? I've seen the first episode and will help you make a decision. Also, now would be a great time to make sure your memory eraser is charged and ready to go.

What is
Red Widow

Red Widow is not at all about spiders. The hour-long drama stars Radha Mitchell as Marta Walraven, a wife living the good life in NoCal because her husband Evan (Anson Mount) is LOADED thanks to his job as a Russian mobster. But after Evan's idiot brother rips off the most dangerous gangsta in the city, Evan succumbs to the occupational hazard of being killed to death, leaving Marta a... Red Widow. In order to keep her family safe and pay off her family's debt to some bad guys, Marta takes her hubby's place as a tough mobster!

Who Created Red Widow?

The show sprung from the mind of Melissa Rosenberg, whose name you may recognize from that time someone dared you to watch the Twilight movies. Red Widow is based on the Dutch television series Penoza

When does Red Widow premiere?

Red Widow premieres Sunday, March 3 at 9pm with a pair of back-to-back episodes. On March 10, it settles into its regular 10pm slot.

What kind of audience will like Red Widow?

Well I can't say what audience will like it, but I can tell you who the show is trying to bring in: femme-strong ladies who likely have no element of danger in their lives and escape their humdrum existence with page-turning beach books and Julia Roberts movies.

Let's hear the positives!

San Francisco vistas and flyover shots of the Golden Gate Bridge are a common sight, and they look great! Clifton Collins, Jr. (The Event; a personal favorite of mine) plays an FBI man, and he's his usual creepy self. 

Uh-oh, let's hear about the negatives.

Red Widow is a Lifetime movie with a bigger budget but none of the guilty pleasure. Every single character is flat as a board, predictable, and about as delicious as a Saltine cracker; as a result, the show a bore to sit through. Given that it's supposed to be a primetime crime soap, it should have as many twists and turns as San Francisco's famous Lombard Street, but instead it's stiffer than the Transamerica Pyramid. Anson Mount is the best part of the cast by a long shot (and plays the most interesting character), but gets killed off about two commercial breaks in. Also, green screens all over the place!

So what's the verdict—watch or don't watch?

Don't. It's not even worth sitting through to make fun of. This is just plain, uninspired television that makes The Mob Doctor look great. Can I see a trailer anyway? Hmmm... okay.

What drink should I pair with Red Widow if I choose to watch it?

Anything your local bar serves... as in, go to the bar instead. 

Red Widow premieres Sunday, March 3 at 9pm on ABC.

Like TV.com on Facebook