Hey TV.com, Should I Watch Zero Hour?

You know and I know that an unidentified flying object landed in the Nevada desert in the late 1940s. You know and I know that crab people live on the moon and the government covered it up. And we're absolutely positive that President Obama is a socialist alien who's pushing an anti-gun agenda so his people can enslave us when we're unequipped to fight back. However, the greatest conspiracy of all is on ABC's new drama Zero Hour! But can your mind handle it? I watched the pilot episode twice, and I'm here to tell you one thing: PUT ON YOUR TINFOIL HAT AND PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ZERO HOUR!

I'm intrigued! What's Zero Hour about?

The better question is what isn't Zero Hour about, because it's a globetrotting trip on Insanity Airlines that includes clocks, Nazis, Rosicrucians (an ancient religious secret society), and so much more that I can't even mention here because I want you to feel the raw power of having your mind blown. But what I can tell you is that Anthony Edwards (Goose!) plays Hank Galliston, the head of a skeptics magazine whose clock-making wife is kidnapped as part of an ages-old plan for the Nazis to take over the world I think? Hank's employees Arron (Scott Michael Foster a.k.a. Greek's Cappy!) and Rachel (Addison Timlin) and a very sexy FBI agent (Carmen Ejogo) tag along to help him.

That sounds like lunacy! Who came up with this?

The madman behind Zero Hour is Paul Scheuring, the creator of Fox's Prison Break. He hasn't done much since that show, mostly dabbling in unaired pilots. It's also worth noting that Taken director Pierre Morel helmed the pilot episode and is an executive producer. Also, I think some crazy homeless person on bath salts might have been involved.

When does Zero Hour start ticking?

Nothing says romance like a conspiracy thriller involving Nazis, so treat your Valentine to the premiere of Zero Hour on Thursday, February 14 at 8pm on ABC. If he or she hasn't walked out by 8:30pm, you've got yourself a keeper. Or a homicidal maniac.

What sort of audience is Zero Hour trying to grab?

People who liked The Da Vinci Code will want to give this a chance, as will every member of the Anthony Edwards Fan Club. The show might have some science-fiction elements to it, I'm not sure. But it's more FlashForward than [insert decent-to-good sci-fi property here].

What's good about Zero Hour?

The show certainly is imaginative! That's a nice way of saying that Zero Hour is all over the place, and for those of you who enjoy watching a series that makes little sense and just goes for it, you'll strike gold here. Zero Hour is loaded with twists and turns, some of which actually land, and there are a lot of appropriately shouty and sinister European actors. Also, this shouldn't be a series that drags out its big questions, as it's expected to wrap up the main mystery within its initial 13-episode order and reset things if it gets a second season. Edwards is so out-of-place as a TV hero that the disconnect actually works in the show's favor; you want to root for this guy!

What's not so good about Zero Hour?

"Good" is a relative term with this show, because really, it's all terrible—the dialogue, the acting, the plotting, all of it. But isn't that what can make it good? I mean, this show is so bonkers and bad that it's kind of fun to see how far it will go. Nazis! Possibly Nazi zombies! Maybe even weird babies and eternal life AND the threat of the end of the world? And lots and lots of clocks! I've seen the pilot twice and I have no idea what's going on. This is like the Double Dog Dare of television, see how long you can watch before going insane.

Would you recommend watching Zero Hour?

Oddly enough, yes, but only because you need to see it to believe it. As far as actually watching it and enjoying it? Nope, not a chance.

Let me see a trailer, please.

Here ya go!

Oops, wrong one. This is the guy you want:

What should I drink while watching Zero Hour?

Nothing! Don't you know your drink can be poisoned by the spooks who are watching you from that van across the street? The government puts brain-washing nanobots in the water supply, and bottled water is a money-grab orchestrated by Big Plastic! Don't drink anything EVER except your own spit!

Zero Hour premieres Thursday, February 14 at 8pm on ABC.

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