House, The Event, and the Series Finale of Stargate Universe

What to watch on Monday, May 9.

There's so much on television tonight that it's virtually impossible you'll be bored. BUT, if you do find yourself getting bored, try this trick I learned: Cover your television in plastic wrap and draw on everyone's faces using Sharpie. Oh man, they all look like bozos now. Just kidding, that's disrespectful. Just tune in normally, okay?

8pm, Fox
Tonight House will reluctantly agree to help a washed-up boxer resuscitate his career. Meanwhile, House’s team suspects he may be addicted to a DIFFERENT kind of drug now. My guess? It's kindness.

8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
When Ted takes a leap that has a huge impact on his relationship with Zoey, it’s just the right cue for his friends to finally voice their opinions of the lady.

10pm, CBS
Hawaii Five-0
The team suddenly has to deal with a bioterrorism threat when Danny is exposed to a lethal chemical agent. Dang, Hawaii just got REAL.

8pm, CW
Prom comes to West Beverly just in time for Dixon and Annie to receive upsetting family news, for Naomi’s relationship with her nerd boo to hit the skids, and for Adrianna to pounce on Navid while Silver’s still in the hospital. Typical prom problems, basically.

9pm, NBC
The Event
On tonight’s episode of what has essentially become the Masterpiece Theater of our times, Leila will accidentally become an accomplice to Sophia’s plot to murder the world, plus Simon does Sterling a solid by procuring a delicious antidote.

Stargate Universe
This poor show. It started out with so much potential! An awesome cast, a gritty, serious style reminiscent of the Battlestar reboot, a tragic mythology, and very little to do with the previous Stargate cheese-fests. But then no amount of pointless sex-scenes or confusing rejiggering could make this thing work, and so tonight it limps across the finish line, a solid sci-fi show that could have been so much better! For those of you who stuck it out, tonight our intrepid crew will finally attempt to shake the approaching drones and hopefully reach a destination that’ll bring everything full circle.


Adventure Time, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
Antiques Roadshow, 8 p.m., PBS
Chuck, 8 p.m., NBC
Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m., ABC
Property Virgins, 8 p.m., HGTV
The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family
WWE Tough Enough, 8 p.m., USA
Mad Love, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Gossip Girl, 9 p.m., CW
Make It or Break It, 9 p.m., ABC Family
The Chicago Code, 9 p.m., Fox
Mike & Molly, 9:30 p.m., CBS
Bethenny Ever After, 10 p.m., Bravo
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC
Law & Order: Los Angeles, 10 p.m., NBC
My Teen's a Nightmare: I'm Moving Out, 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Nurse Jackie, 10 p.m., Showtime
Pawn Stars, 10 & 10:30 p.m., History Channel
Sanctuary, 10 p.m., Syfy
The Hard Times of RJ Berger, 10 p.m., MTV
United States of Tara, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
Wedding Wars, 11 p.m., VH1


Kristen Wiig on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Chris Colfer on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Will Ferrell on Chelsea Lately, 11:00 p.m., E!
Anthony Hopkins on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS

What are you watching tonight?

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