House's 150th episode, Being Human's season finale, and something called My Teen's a Nightmare: I'm Moving Out

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What to watch on Monday, April 11.

Garfield was right: Something, something Mondays (I'm paraphrasing). Welcome back everyone, I hope you're ready for a killer week. I don't mean that this week will kill you, but the other way around. You are totally going to kill this week and there will be a murder investigation, but you will probably be exonerated because everyone will be like, "Yeah, that week totally deserved it." BUT THEN, in a surprise twist, the DA will bring out Exhibit X—this week's TV schedule—and suddenly everyone will be mad at you again. Because look at all the good stuff on TV tonight!

8pm, Fox
Tonight's episode is momentous for two reasons: It's the 150th episode AND Olivia Wilde shows up! Turns out Thirteen's been in prison for the last six months, and House tries to find out WHY. Also, they team up in a spud-gun competition (see above photo)? Plus: Tonight's wacky illness entails a science teacher with a respiratory infection due to hoarding (!).

8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
Tonight, Ted and Zoey's differences of opinion regarding Arcadia threaten to become irreconcilable and Marshall quits his job to volunteer for an environmental organization. Charmingly.

Being Human
Tonight Being Human USA reaches the conclusion of what has been a short, surprisingly great first season. In the finale, Josh and Sally tend to Aidan's injuries, plus Nora finally learns the truth about Josh (the smell didn't tip her off??). Also, we'll get to see Aidan and Josh's first meeting.

10pm, CBS
Hawaii Five-0
The thing about Hawaii is it's so hard to look at. Just kidding, it's actually very beautiful there! Did you know that? In tonight's episode, Steve and Danny discover a murder victim while hiking, and Kono looks into a certain scandal within the Honolulu police department. Those are two very risky plotlines for a show that is essentially paid for by the Hawaiian tourist board! Credit where credit's due.

9 & 10pm, Discovery Fit & Health
Underage and Having Sex and My Teen's a Nightmare: I'm Moving Out
Wow, this channel is off to a great start! After officially launching in February, this merger between Discovery Health and FitTV is ALREADY going the TLC route of sensationalistic television. Take these two back-to-back specials, for instance, which both explore the more horrible parts of parenting (raising teenagers). But just look at those titles! Underage and Having Sex is hilariously lurid, but My Teen's a Nightmare: I'm Moving Out is probably the best title for a television show I've ever seen. Sorry, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, you just got OUTDID.


Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m., ABC
The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family
American Pickers, 9 p.m., History Channel
Cake Boss, 9 p.m., TLC
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, 9 p.m., Food Network
Make It or Break It, MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., ABC Family
Relapse, 9 p.m., A&E;
Bethenny Ever After, 10 p.m., Bravo
Harry's Law, 10 p.m., NBC
Heavy, 10 p.m., A&E;
Kate Plus 8, 10 p.m., TLC
Nurse Jackie, 10 p.m., Showtime
Pawn Stars, 10 & 10:30 p.m., History Channel
Stargate Universe, 10 p.m., Syfy
The Hard Times of RJ Berger, 10 p.m., MTV
United States of Tara, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
WWE Tough Enough, 11 p.m., USA


Isabella Rossellini on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:52 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?