At last, one of How I Met Your Mother's great mysteries—the identity of the fabled “Slutty Pumpkin”—will reveal itself to patient fans. Mrs. Kate Holmes-Cruise plays the character, who left Ted hanging (literally, considering he was dressed as a “hanging chad”) way back in the show’s first season. Ted first met the mystery squash in 2001, the story goes, back when hanging chads were still a thing—but Ted lost her phone number. And so every Halloween, he wears the same costume, hoping that the promiscuously gourd-ish woman of his dreams will return to the spot of their first meeting, and the two will live on in blissful harmony.
So feast your eyes! Here, at last, is the Slutty Pumpkin, replete with “strategically carved” costume. And, well, she definitely does not look slutty. How could anyone wearing an orange sack look slutty? Maybe if her boobs were sticking out through the holes? Why do I get the feeling a certain Mr. Holmes-Cruise stood in on the wardrobe fittings, shouting, “Can’t you let that pumpkin out a little? It’s so clingy!”
Happy Sluttyween, everyone! What do you think of the decision to cast Suri's Mom for the role?