After an almost two-year absence, HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm—a comedy about one man’s supernatural ability to piss off everyone around him—returned on Sunday with a new episode. Season 8 began exactly where Season 7 concluded: with a smooching Larry and Cheryl, who were well on the road to a reconciliation, getting into a fight over her failure to use a coaster. It was a seemingly innocuous event, but this is Larry’s universe, where such an occurrence is enough to end a marriage once and for all. So that's what the season premiere, “The Divorce,” was about; along the way, Larry also ate crab legs, destroyed lives, and ushered a Girl Scout into womanhood.
In order to better help you find your way through the petty squabbles and all-out wars that crowd Larry’s day-to-day life, we’ve compiled a handy TV.com Curb Your Enthusiasm Feud Tracker. Come back every week for updates!
THEM VS. LARRY
1. CHERYL DAVID
Causes: After years of being Larry’s long-suffering significant other, the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back came in Season 6, when she called Larry from an airplane that looked like it might crash in dangerous weather, and he told her to “call back in ten minutes” because he was having their TiVo fixed by the cable guy. Season 7 was spent trying to woo her back—mainly by getting her a role in the Seinfeld reunion he was overseeing—but we entered Season 8 with the marriage dead in the water, and both sides communicating mainly through lawyers. (Though, in one touching scene, Larry told Cheryl that he looks book on their marriage as a primary school education, where he learned the valuable lesson of tongue-scraping.)
Intensity: Medium. Cheryl is not the angry type, and has known Larry too long to really muster anything beyond annoyed exasperation at his exploits.
Resolution: Some. Winning the house in the divorce should offset some of her resentment, and Larry’s imminent move to the East Coast will at least prevent her from running into him at random L.A. power lunches.
2. MARTY FUNKHOUSER
Causes: Larry’s old friend casually mentioned over dinner that he’ll be going to London for two weeks, leading Larry to ask his wife, Nan, why she isn’t going with him—especially because she’s never been before, and London is so great. That lead her to decide, on the spot, to join her husband, which is the source of the feud. Marty was excited to “spread his wings” for a few weeks, because he and his wife have nothing to talk about when they are together.
Intensity: Mild. Marty is an old friend, and this is par-for-the-course Larry behavior.
Resolution: Resolved. The event caused Marty to realize he’s in an unhappy marriage, and inspired him to file for divorce from Nan. He seems pretty happy about it.
3. JOE O’DONNELL
Causes: The owner of the L.A. Dodgers shares a divorce lawyer with Larry. The feud began when Larry talked O'Donnell's daughter through tampon application after she got her first period at Larry’s house, while selling him Girl Scout cookies. Just as everything was about to blow over, however, Larry convinced O’Donnell to switch to a Jewish attorney, who wound up losing him the Dodgers in the settlement. Joe punched Larry in the face when he ran into him at the lawyer’s offices.
Intensity: Severe. Larry is blamed for losing a billion-dollar Major League baseball franchise.
Resolution: None. Larry is on this guy’s sh*t-list forever.
4. GIRL SCOUTS
Causes: Larry hates Girl Scout cookies, but offered to buy five boxes of each type from O’Donnell’s daughter. However, the sale was cut short by the arrival of her first period. Later, three Girl Scouts showed up to collect payment, but Larry, who was denied Dodgers tickets after the tampon incident, said he no longer wanted them. The feud escalated when an entire Girl Scout troop arrived to deliver the cookies and demand payment. Larry tried to shut the door on them, unsuccessfully.
Intensity: High. You don’t want to cheat, lie, or double-cross a pack of Girl Scouts.
Resolution: None. Someone will have to pay for those cookies.
LARRY VS. THEM
5. ANDREW BERG
Causes: Berg is Larry’s divorce attorney—that is, he was until Larry realized that Berg has only been masquerading as a Jew (he has a shofar on his desk, he says things like “oy” and “nosh”) and is actually of Swedish descent. Larry felt this was misleading, and that hiring a non-Jew lawyer would result in him getting “hosed.”
Intensity: Medium. Larry does not like to be made the fool, especially where his divorce settlement is concerned.
Resolution: Some, in that he fired Berg.
6. HIRAM KATZ
Causes: After Hiram proved himself a compelling negotiator during a buffet-related incident, Larry hired Hiram to take over divorce negotiations from Berg. Katz’s ineptitude lost Larry his house, and got him punched in the face by O’Donnell.
Intensity: High. Katz screwed him over way more than the Swede did.
7. LEON BLACK
Causes: Larry’s longtime house guest casually mentions he had a three-way on Larry’s bed. This makes Larry extremely angry.
Resolution: Since they are both moving out of the house, the location of Leon's three-ways shouldn’t be Larry’s problem much longer.
BONUS: THE TV.COM CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM FOOD TRACKER
A log of everything Larry eats or talks about eating.
Dutch Apple Pie: Larry mentioned to Berg that this his favorite part of the pie is the crumbly topping.
Potatoes, crab legs, shrimp: Larry helped himself to these offerings from a restaurant buffet, then shared them with Jeff, leading the manager to insist that they pay for a second buffet.
Flip-Flops, Double Fudge, Huskerdoos: Varieties of Girl Scouts cookies Larry ordered, then refused to pay for.
Are you happy to have Curb back?