Lock Your Doors! Rosie is Returning to TV!

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... (While reading this item, please picture in your head thousands of Japanese people looking fearfully toward the sky and running away.) Rosie O'Donnell is back! The old lug was shopping a new daytime talk show and finally found a buyer in Oprah's new cable network venture, OWN. Rosie's new show will probably be a lot like her old show, meaning it will be an hour of Rosie singing and making funny noises and pissing people off. [Deadline Hollywood]

... Former Emmy winner Richard Schiff has joined CBS' Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior as a recurring player. Schiff, who won television's most illustrious award for his work on The West Wing, will play FBI director Jack Fickler on the new show. Hopefully it will go better than his gig on Fox's Past Life. [EW]

... TLC continues to be the go-to channel for freak shows. The home of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Toddlers & Tiaras, and cupcakes is now the home of Sister Wives, a show about a polygamist family in Utah. The series features a man and his three wives and 13 kids, and begins by showcasing his interest in bringing a fourth wife into the family. Some guys have all the luck. [LA Times]

... William Adama, a.k.a. Edward James Olmos, will have his first TV role since Battlestar Galactica as a guest star on CSI: NY. In a role that doesn't stereotype Olmos' early years in Hollywood, Olmos will play a former gang leader who was just released from prison. [TV Guide]

... Saturday Night Live's Fred Armisen has a new show coming to IFC. It's about Portland, Oregon, and aims to "lovingly illustrate the people and values of Portland, Ore." I live in Portland and even I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. A show about fresh produce and good beer? Hipsters and haunted houses? No sales tax? [THR]

... Andie MacDowell (meow!) has joined the cast of Fox's new series Lone Star. She'll play a sexy whatever it is she's supposed to be, because she's so damned sexy. Also joining the cast is Rosa Blasi (Make it or Break It), as a trophy wife. [EW]

... Smallville is bringing on Sahar Biniaz and Bradley Stryker to play the roles of Hawkgirl and Deadshot, respectively. You may have seen Biniaz play small roles on Smallville before, and you probably didn't see her in Blue Mountain State. Meanwhile, Stryker's past credits include Stargate Universe and The O.C.. [KryptonSite]

... Justin Timberlake is lending his voice to an upcoming episode of The Cleveland Show. The pop star will play a gay man who becomes the object of affection for Terry. There are too many obvious jokes to make about this one, so I'll just shut up instead. [US Magazine]

Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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