Magic City's Finale Does the Jailhouse Rock

Magic City S01E08: "Time and Tide"

What would you say is one of the worst potential times to get arrested for murder? I mean, in theory any time is a bad time, but when you're in the middle of a presentation to CBS that might just save your livelihood after you blew it all on a bad bet...that’s up there right?

It was during such a presentation that Ike Evans’ luck, charm, and resources finally ran out. DA Klein quite literally tortured Judi Silver into implicating Ike in the murder of Jimmy Shoes and armed with her testimony and Jimmy’s waterlogged car, he stormed the Miramar Playa and took the king away in chains. Despite the ominous implications of Ike’s arrest, I was definitely giggling at the antics of his loyal employees as he was led out, with the hotel photographer intercepting the press and the doorman tripping Klein.

When Ben Diamond inevitably learned of Ike’s arrest, he settled into his poolside deck chair proclaiming, “The king is dead. Long live the king.” That, coupled with the tumultuous attack on Judi Silver by Ben’s goon...only to have Judi saved by Ben’s OTHER goon, one of Klein’s entourage...I smell a set-up. Or at the very least, Diamond seemed to have washed his hands of his responsibility for Ike’s freedom. I mean, I like Judi too, Ike, but if you’d have just let Ben waste her when he wanted to, you wouldn’t be in this mess.

Ike wasn’t the only Evans man in captivity at the end of “Time and Tide,” but at least he was aware of his cage. Stevie ransacked Divin’ Dave’s boat in the opening scenes of the finale looking for the infamous pornaroids. I love that he just went in there and started trashing the place with his bare hands, getting his prints everywhere and even pausing to take a few puffs from a discarded roach in Dave’s ashtray. You know that scene in Titanic where Rose jumped back onto the sinking ship after Jack finally parked her in a lifeboat? It was all very romantic and tragic and Jack was smooshing her face and saying, “You’re stupid, Rose! You’re so stupid!”

Yeah, that’s Stevie and I. Except I wouldn’t kiss him because I don’t know where that’s been. Or rather, I know EXACTLY where that’s been, and I just don’t approve.

Stevie eventually found the pictures and torched them, but remember kids, Divin’ Dave was dating a lady photographer. Apparently she had her own copies lying around and apparently, even though he was a total psycho of a boyfriend, she liked him enough to discretely drop some copies of the incriminating pictures in Ben Diamond’s mailbox. Long live the pornaroids!

Man, Ben’s face when he opened that envelope; I thought Lily was a goner. I thought she was dead on the spot and that without her gratuitous full-frontal scenes, we’d be left with nothing, NOTHING except Danny and Mercedes’ weird awkward almost-sex.

Actually, Danny and Mercedes finally copulated for real, too—in the shower, no less. No training wheels for Danny and Mercedes, they skipped right to steamy stuff. Then they joked about knocking Mercedes up. Foreshadowing? Maybe? I mean, that’s one of those things you just don’t joke about when it would be REALLY inconvenient to wind up with a bun in the oven. Like, say, when Mercedes was just about to head off for a dreamy career as a Pan Am stewardess and her dad emphatically insisted, repeatedly, that Danny would never marry her. Harsh, Victor. When has Danny ever been anything but a paragon of sweetness and morality in the Evans household?

Unless, perhaps, his experience working in the darker recesses of the Evans Empire made Victor concerned for the safety of his daughter in the event that she could become a part of the family? Would you want your only child marrying into a maybe-mob family? Sure, Danny is all goodness now, but you know who else was the golden child of his family, the one who got out of the life, who was going to be “legit” (for the first movie anyway) but when push came to shove, sided with the family?

Michael. Freaking. Corleone.

Don’t do it, Magic City. Don’t you turn my Danny into a villain.

Anyway, clearly, I misunderstood the depravity of Ben Diamond. Sure, he flirted with the idea of drowning Lily in the pool, but why creep on one poor helpless mortal when you can creep on two? Now he has a complete set! He hid upstairs behind the God Window and made Lily call Stevie and beg him to come over to Diamond’s Den o’ Sin, then totally watched Stevie bang his wife. That’s so skeevy. I need a shower. I need five showers.

Hey, at least those two dumbass lovebirds made it to Season 2, right? Right.

Notes (and Questions) from Beyond the Naked-Lady Window

– Vera saved the day with her seamless takeover of the botched CBS pitch. She definitely took after her husband, perking the executives’ interest by throwing them six months of free usage of the Miramar Playa, thus defeating the whole point of getting them to choose the hotel for their venue. Still, she snagged them. She saw the bigger picture and she seemed right at home in that boardroom. Is anyone else hoping for a fierce, business-savvy Vera in Season 2? She spent so much of this season being sad. I’d love to see her do something other than wallow.

– We only saw Maria Lazaro, Victor’s wife, for about 30 seconds before she was gunned down while waiting for her boat back to Florida, but holy hell that was devastating. That was terrible. She had the cross that Victor told his contact to give her and everything, and I had my doubts about that guy. I thought that possibly he was scamming Victor or something, but SHE HAD THE CROSS. She was coming home...and something just went wrong. We didn’t see the woman throughout the entire series, she had, like, one line before she died, and it KILLED me. Good job, Magic City writers, good freaking job.

– Klein admitted to Ike that as much as he’d love to make an example of Ike, he’d rather have Ben. Do you think Ike will roll over on The Butcher?

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