Matchmaker, Matchmaker: TV Couples We'd Like to See

ABC's reality dating shows and Jennifer Aniston movies want you to think that love will effortlessly connect two lost souls no matter what obstacles stand in the way, be they shotgun-toting farmer dads, a gender-opposite height differential, or cat allergies. But here's the truth: Finding a soul mate takes a bit of effort.

Sometimes that effort comes from sorting through the online dating profiles of weirdos, sometimes that effort comes from wearing a short skirt and drinking one too many Midori sours. But in my experience, the best cosmic love crunches happen when friends provide the flint that lights the spark.

To all you lonely TV characters out there, let us help! We'll be your romantic matchmaker! We'll set off the spark of cuddling We'll ignite the flame of fluid-swapping!

Which is to say, we've put together a list of TV personalities we'd like to see hook up for one weird reason or another. And in the interest of finding the truest love for them all, we've ignored their current relationship statuses, sexual orientations, and, in some cases, any sense of decency.



New Girl's Schmidt and Happy Endings' Penny

Schmidt is all about having a good time, and no one else in his league is more of a walking good time than Penny. Plus, she's man-hungry and doesn't mind a guy who likes to take his shirt off all the time.



The Walking Dead's Shane and Homeland's Carrie


Crazy people belong together so they don't waste the love lives of the rest of us, and no one on TV is more ready for a set of matching his-and-hers straightjackets than Mr. Angry Apocalypse Man and Ms. Bipolar CIA Conspiracy Theorist. But what makes them the perfect pairing is that their insanity is only matched by their passion, so when they're done threatening to cut each other with scissors, they can go at it in their place of choice. For Shane, that's the front seat of a car, for Carrie, it's the back.



Up All Night's Ava and Parks and Recreation's Andy
Not that we don't love April, but Andy would be the perfect "younger man" for the cougar-ish Ava. She's high maintenance and he's low maintenance, and the number of brain cells between them would be super fun to watch.



The Bachelor's Ben F. and Work It's Lee or Angel


This is an experiment more than anything else. Ben's dismissal of Emily last night was the nail in the coffin that buried his ability to recognize a good woman when he sees one. So let's see how long it takes ABC's man-meat to figure out that Lee, the 6'2" pharmaceutical rep who looks like a young Ms. Doubtfire, has an Adam's Apple and can bench more than he does. Since Ben likes to have his pick of women, let's also throw Work It's Angel in there. And if this doesn't work out, Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and his experience with transsexuals will be there for the rebound.


The Secret Circle's Faye and Teen Wolf's Jackson

As The Secret Circle's resident insecure bitch character, Faye puts up a front of toughness while having a huge weakness for handsome guys with bad attitudes. We say set her up with Teen Wolf's Jackson, a lacrosse-playing dick with a penchant for put-downs. Part of us thinks they might soften each other up a bit, but really we just want to know what those kids would look like.



Person of Interest's John Reese and Harold Finch


We know they may not be into that sort of thing, but there's enough sexual tension between these two to power a small metropolis! Let's just hope the computer doesn't get too jealous.



American Horror Story's Ben and Lost Girl's Bo

First of all, think of the couple name: BenBo! But if the awesome power of a perfectly useless double moniker isn't enough, know this: Ben is a horny man incapable of keeping it in the pants and Bo is a succubus who specializes in keeping things out of pants. They may not be much for romantic walks on the beach, but who needs that kind of cliched love when you can spend time putting hand prints on every flat surface and emptying canisters of whipped cream? And you know who would really appreciate this? Ben's desk, which needs a break from unnecessary man-polish.



Dexter's Dexter and True Blood's Pam

Dexter needs a more appropriate love interest than the one he's currently got, and Pam probably wouldn't be too judgmental of his hobbies. Few can argue that Dexter lost a bit of his mojo once he became a married dad, so we'd love to see his Dark Passenger get a bit of a recharge by dating one of TV's most badass females. At the very least, True Blood's Pam would stand toe-to-toe with Dexter's knack for morbid one-liners, but we also think an undead bisexual vampire would be a step up from ANY of Dexter's love interests so far, be it Rita, Lyla, Lumen, or you-know-who.



Game of Thrones's Joffrey and Modern Family's Hayley


The most spoiled teen king in the kingdom needs a subservient woman who will pander to his every need and spring him an heir from her loins. But we aren't in the market for doing nice things for the biggest jerk on television, so let's pair him up with someone who is just as spoiled as he is: the eldest Dunphy child. Hayley wouldn't take shorts from Joff, and she'd undoubtedly drive him mad with her insubordination. And how about the inevitable family dinners between the Lannisters and the Dunphys? We'd pay good money to watch Luke chase cats around King's Landing with a helm on his head, witness Cam and Mitchell and Renly and Ser Loras make jousting jokes, and see Cersei and Claire throw eye-daggers at each other.



Grimm's Monroe and Once Upon a Time's Ruby

Oh come on! the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood? Make it happen, crossover episode!



The Vampire Diaries' Damon and American Horror Story's Constance
Few characters can really sell a line of dialogue like The Vampire Diaries' Damon or American Horror Story's Constance. Whether it's eye-acting or melodramatic gesticulations, these two are like drama peas in a drama pod. They ARE both from the South! And sure, there APPEARS to be a bit of an age difference, but think about it: He's 160 years old! If anything, Damon has more in common with Constance than some flighty teenager. Imagine THOSE conversations.


Which imaginary TV couples would you like to see this Valentine's Day?

Comments (43)
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lol I like Shane and Andrea more on Walking Dead. but these other mix ups are hilarious. When does Teen Wolf return? Hoped Ann and Paul Rudd's character on Parks would hook up. complicate things. poor Tom needs a gf.He is funny.
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What about TVD's Jeremy and TSC's Diana? And maybe throw in some pizzana
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its weird
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I'm going to give Person of Interest a go just because this post piqued my interest...
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Criminal Minds' Penelope Garcia and Hart of Dixie's Lavon Hayes - Since she and Morgan are apparently doomed to just be friends, then Garcia needs some love (sorry Kevin, but you're just too boring) and since I really don't like Didi and I'd love to see my favorite Mayor find love with someone intelligent and fun loving, I totally see this working out.



NCIS:LA's Hetty Lange and Fringe's Walter Bishop - Because she needs someone who can loosen her up and he needs someone fairly grounded. They both need somone who can enjoy the odder and finer things in life - they need each other. Now, when Peter gets back into that machine, he needs to create this universe/network crossover. A runner up for Hetty's affections would be the ever lovable Sam Axe from Burn Notice.



Hart of Dixie's Wade Kinsella and Rizzoli and Isles' Maura Isles - He's got a thing for doctors, she's got a thing for bad boys. He needs someone who can challenge him and inspire him. She needs someone more real and honest. And I'm all for anything that will put him in a shirtless situation.



Leverage's Eliot Spencer and NCIS's Ziva David - He's hot, she's hot and they are both deadly and both have gone through personal transformations in the past few years. Now, they can move onto the next stage of their lives together, kicking ass.
More+
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Liz Lemon (she's on that unwatched, ultra low rated show 30rock) and Liz Cruz from Nip/Tuck!
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Dexter and Pam.. one hell of a couple that is !
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Tony and Ziva on NCIS. Peter and Olivia back together again on Fringe. Castle and Beckett on Castle.
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Hajaja. Either you are exceptionally clueless, or brilliantly hilarious.
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Wow you missed the point entirely...
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I know the point was missed but do we really need to bash someone over this.

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You're right. Just pull the batteries from the remote. That'll keep'm busy for a month.
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I'd like to also see Darryl from The Walking Dead with the evil queen from Once Upon a Time ...



Now, now, hear me out:



He could give her some hot hillbilly lovin', and put her in her place when she's been a bad girl. Plus, wouldn't you just love to see her cooking squirrel stew?
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lol! Yess on Shane and Carrie as well as Monroe and Ruby.



Heck, there'd be bloodshed in no time.



Can we get the Supernatural boys involved somehow too?



:)
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I think you are totally right with John Reese and Harold Finch! Reese has such a bedroom voice it's just simply ridiculous! LOL!



Maybe tv.com should have a section for fan Slash LOL!
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Nancy from Weeds with Shane from The Walking Dead would be interesting. They could balance each other out, and who wouldn't want to get blazed during a Zombie Apocalypse?



Bo from Lost Girl and Sookie Stackhouse from True Blood would be quite the scene if you know what I mean!
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The Person of Interest one blind sided me with it's awesomeness.
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Too funny guys!! TY

Wait...you forgot 1, what about RumpleStillCan ???
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Here's a weird one - Boyd Crowder from Justified & Dallas Royce from Suburgatory.

Tell me that won't be one interesting first date.
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Staff
I like the sound of this.
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How about...



Jess from New Girl + Neal from White Collar?

If they had a baby, the baby would be insanely adorable. Imagine those eyes!



Oh, and for no reason I can think of...

Archer from Archer + Britta from Community.
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Gabe from the Office and Dee from Always sunny.. those two could start a fire if they ever hooked up.
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Don Draper + Claire Dunphy; She's so bitter sometimes and what better way to solve that than the alpha male of all alpha males
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Joffrey and Hayley! That's something I would love to see!
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PoI - I agree totally. Finch and Reese are turning into an old married couple - but without losing the sparkle! :D
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Monroe and Ruby is brilliant! I love it, now that'a all I'll think about during this Friday's episode.
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What, no love for either of the Winchester boys?
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Getting romantically involved with a Winchester is essentially like committing suicide. I love my boys, but I don't wish that on my other fav TV characters. Besides, I'm really picky about who is around the Winchesters and I can't think of anyone I'd actually consider setting one of them up with.
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Still want to see Alex Cabot and Olivia Benson (L&O: SVU) ride off into the sunset together.
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Two small comments, mostly because I hate love because love and hate are the same thing, and yes I can argue that philosophically. But I digress.



Shane is far saner than Carrie. That woman flips shit with no pills. Think about it. Shane is mostly doing what he must to survive. He would, appropriately. assassinate Carrie once her sister turned into a zombie and she had no connect for her pills. If you flip the script, Shane is a lowly cop and she is a CIA agent. He could potentially get in her back seat, but he would have to turn and become a terrorist first.



Finally, Damon and Constance proves my original point. I would love to watch them love and hate each other but I hate that it will never happen. See?
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I can almost HEAR Reese order those appletini's, that cracked me up. Damon and Constance for sure too!
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"there's enough sexual tension between these two to power a small metropolis!" lol sexual tension really :P how did u get sex from that , must be a gay person that wrote that :P
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Or a slash fan. Please, try to respect all...
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I completely agree with you muh-amin. These two men like and respect each other as colleagues working to fulfill goals. There is great story-telling and acting chemistry between them, but sexual tension? In the words of John MacEnroe, "You cannot be serious!"
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We are. Problems?
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Wow I must say these are mostly really great pairings! What wine do you suggest to go with each?



The Best one is definitely Damon and Constance, though I also like the idea of Monroe and Ruby, that would be quite the crossover!



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Ben and Bo. I can't see that. If only because Bo needs to suck the life out of people. And Ben didn't have any life to him, or intelligence. Damn I am glad that show has ended for now.
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Castle's Richard Castle and Body of Proof's Megan Hunt ...

they were Married Couple in Desperate Housewives !
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Reese and Finch - brilliant!
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reese and finch, wow, that was good:) how about Ted from HIMYM and Jess from The New Girl? or Penny from The Big Bang Theory and Reid from Criminal Minds:)
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hahaha. crazy people belong together! LOL
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"The Walking Dead's Shane and Homeland's Carrie" and "Dexter's Dexter and True Blood's Pam".



This sort of hypothetical match-up process doesn't naturally occur to me, but those two are PERFECT. Absolutely awesome. My thoughts would be "Once Upon A Time's Emma and True Blood's Jason" (they're just messed up enough to work together) and "Psych's Burton 'Gus' Guster and Bones's Camille Saroyan" (I don't know why, I just see it).
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Max from 2 Broke Girls and Barney from How I Met Your Mother would make a great couple.
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