Meet the New Amazing Racers

Everyone's idea of a great vacation is one that involves running around with huge backpacks, shrieking at strange foreign taxi drivers while desperately looking at your watch, performing demeaning and scary feats of physical endurance, and then, maybe, at the end of the day being told that sorry your vacation is over, please go home. Sounds relaxing, right?? Well, apparently it does to some folks, specifically those brave souls who compete on one of TV's better and smarter and more exciting reality shows, The Amazing Race. And look! There's a whole new crop of people who would probably be miserable just sitting by the pool at a Marriott!

Yes the show is set to begin its 109th globe-trotting adventure on September 27th and we just this morning have gained privileged information about the cast. Curious who you will be watching wallow through the muck of travel while you lie around eating chips in the den? Let's take a look.

Of course there's a couple from Greater Boston, Lance and Keri, because Boston people have funny accents and are always strangely menacing. Naturally Lance, a karate-kicking lawyer, describes himself as having a "street persona," which I imagine means he wears fingerless gloves and a crooked top hat and sings little urchin songs while pickpocketing millionaires as they stroll through Piccadilly. So that ought to be interesting.

Hah, oh man, there are two guys who are on the Harlem Globetrotters. Aside from the head-smackingly fitting name, it's also fun to imagine Herbert and Nathaniel running around Angkor Watt doing silly tricks and stuff to distract their opponents while someone whistles. "Look, Keri, Huhbit is spinning that mango on his finguh!"

There's a couple named Garrett and Jessica who have been dating "on and off" for seven years. They're hoping the Race experience will help them figure out if they really love each other. Which is a really great idea. There's nothing about that idea that could possibly go wrong. I know when I'm unsure about someone, I typically invite them up into my hot air balloon and we kick off an 80-day rap session while TV cameras are shoved in our faces. Works like a charm.

Ohh, a photogenic country music couple called Mika and Canaan! They haven't been dating long, but she wants to be a famous country singer, and as we all know, the path to becoming a famous country singer is to go on a reality show where you'll likely be shown sliding down a hill in Uruguay covered in mud, screaming "I'm coming I'm coming I'm coming!" Worked for Patsy Cline. Also, Canaan? Really? I'm sort of curious to meet his brother Gomorrah.

From the Department of Their Poor Mother we have Sam and Dan two gay men who also happen to be brothers. Oh, I'm just kidding! I'm sure their mother is just fine. Anyway, the two boys, since they won't be giving anyone any grandchildren anytime soon so I might as well just return these onesies I bought, have decided to go on a reality show to prove their mettle. They say they are competitive and sadly relate to Rob and Amber from a long ago season past. That is a bad thing.

And then we come to the "first married interracial couple" ever to be on The Amazing Race. How perfect in these times of Obama! What warms the cockles even more is that Ericka was crowned Miss America way back in 2004. So she's a beauty queen lookin' for a little more glitz and glamor by going on a reality show. Except, erm, stuffing pounds of cheese in your mouth while a bunch of Swiss people look on and laugh isn't exactly akin to the swimsuit competition or when you played "Fur Elise" on the recorder or whatever. It's just a mite different. Ah well.

And of course there are other teams! Several other teams like professional poker player friends, two weird hippies who do yoga and don't eat anything, and a couple who met on the competitive tetherball circuit. Terrific.

Full cast info can be found here, complete with pictures and all that good stuff. That I'm holding a pistol in the air about to fire actually doesn't have anything to do with the race that's getting started, but, um, sure! On your mark, get set...

"The Amazing Race" season 15 premieres Sunday, September 27th at 8/7c on CBS

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