Did anyone else have that Cher song stuck in their heads for the entire duration of this episode? I couldn’t help it. As soon as Curtis’s angst-fueled powers sent him back to the night he got busted, “If I Could Turn Back Time” became the official theme song of this episode, and possibly the official theme song of Curtis himself. I mean, everyone needs a theme song. Some people need several. I have at least two self-made soundtracks on ye olde iPod to wallow in (because I’m hilariously self-absorbed.)
So, Alisha and Curtis are officially an item. Awesome. That wanking off together thing was a little awkward to watch but hey, whatever gets the job done. Nathan crashed the party just when they were getting to the good part, and if you’ve never been on either side of a similar situation, let me just assure you that it’s mortifying on both sides of the door, but it’s worse when there are cops involved.
After Nathan appropriately mocked the creatively copulating couple, Curtis’s ex-ladyfriend, Sam, showed up to make his day suck a little more. See, where Curtis’s Olympic hopes were dashed and he found himself sent to community service for his dabbling in the drug trade, Sam was sent to prison. She was, understandably, upset about that whole thing, but the fact that Curtis, the guy for whom she took the fall, couldn’t even be bothered to visit her during her incarceration didn’t help matters. Right right, he felt guilty about the whole prison thing. Maybe he should write his girlfriend a letter the next time she goes to prison for him, just to offer something resembling an explanation. I don’t know. Prison mail gets weird. One of my BFFs from high school dated an arsonist via jail mail. It didn’t really work out so well. That might have been more due to the whole arsonist thing though.
Curtis felt guilty about Sam’s dreary post-prison prospects and woke up in the past, on the day they got busted with drugs at the club. Armed with his knowledge of what the future held, Curtis was determined to keep Sam out of prison and maybe save his athletic career while he was at it. From there, the whole episode was a bizarrely awesome fusion of The Butterfly Effect and Trainspotting, complete with Curtis fishing around a poopy toilet for lost drugs during attempt one (of three) to make the future suck less.
Curtis’s first try was pretty much a disaster from the beginning. His plan was to just give the drugs back to the dealer, but then he lost the drugs. Then he got the drugs back and lost the money he owed. Then things got dicey and Sam got stabbed, which was decidedly worse than going to prison.
The second time around, Curtis successfully avoided getting either himself or Sam arrested and everyone lived happily ever after.
Except for his fellow delinquents. After an encounter with an Alisha who had no memory of him, Curtis decided to try to initiate a relationship with her in the new timeline. However, when he showed up at the community center in the morning, he found a makeshift memorial at the door for Gary, Kelly, Simon, and yup, Alisha too. Even with his career and Sam’s freedom ensured, the freaky superpowered storm still happened. Tony still went gonzo. And without Curtis around to, sing it with me, “tuuuuuurn back tiii-iiime,” everybody died. Except Nathan, which seemed odd.
Determined to have the best of both worlds, Curtis turned back the clock a third and final time, successfully kept Sam out of prison, but knowingly took the fall himself, sacrificing Olympic glory in order to save the other ASBO teens.
Back in the present, Curtis met Alisha for their morning jerk off and this time, he locked the door. All was well... except along came Sam, again, blissfully free of a criminal record and thrilled to visit her boyfriend Curtis at his community service gig.
Oops. Sometimes, I guess wanting the best of both worlds is asking for just a little too much.
– Okay, I felt bad and all for Tony’s car getting stolen with Sally’s engagement ring in the glove box, but seriously, who keeps an engagement ring in the glove compartment?
– I loved the run-ins Curtis had with the other ASBO kids, even though they were generally pretty sad. They all just seemed really empty and unhappy. Granted, they’re all pretty generally unhappy on a good day in the normal timeline, but still, I like to think their appearances in Curtis’s past were meant to reinforce the idea that these guys are meant to be together. I’m a sap like that.
– Uh-oh. Sally found Tony’s credit card in Simon’s locker and the lost engagement ring in Kelly’s. Shit’s gonna get real next week, isn’t it?
– Curtis’s theme song is “If I Could Turn Back Time” by Cher. What about the other ASBO kids?