Modern Family, Law & Order: SVU, and Justified

What to watch on Wednesday, March 23.

It's the night of a thousand stars, readers! The dump truck of talent just beep-beep-beep backed up and spilled tons of celebrities into tonight's lineup, and it's about time. Okay, not gonna lie, most of these people are only famous to me, but that's got to count for something, right?

9pm, ABC
Modern Family
In tonight's episode of one of television's top three documentary-style comedies, Jay gets out of having to to go a concert with Gloria only to find himself hanging out with Mitchell and Cameron and their friends for a night out on the town. Also, little Luke strikes up a friendship with a crabby neighbor played by the very awesome Philip Baker Hall.

10pm, ABC
Off the Map
A lot of people might think that living in the South American rain forest might be a nightmarish, certainly deadly experience that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Tell it to these sexy doctors! Tonight a "controversial transplant" brings chaos to the "hospital" and some romantic jealousy flares up between Tommy and Mina. But back to what I was saying, have you ever had an Amazonian STD? They're basically crotch piranhas.

Hot in Cleveland
Amy Sedaris alert!! Yeah, tonight also has a second guest star, some lady from The View. But also AMY SEDARIS! Anyway, tune in tonight to see Elka (Betty White, duh) finally face trial for her mob connections. Amy Sedaris will play the part of who cares it's Amy Sedaris.

10pm, FX
Tonight Raylan does his honorable best to protect Winona after the FBI tracks the $100 bill she'd stolen. Are you watching this show yet? Come on, get with it, guy.

10pm, NBC
Law & Order: SVU
Tonight the detectives go undercover at a swinger's club and run into Rose McGowan! Or, at least a wax statue that resembles her. (Haha 2 mean?) Sex crimes, everybody.


America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW
American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox
Minute to Win It, 8 p.m., NBC
Survivor: Redemption Island, 8 p.m., CBS
The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC
Are We There Yet?, 9 & 9:30 p.m., TBS
Dog the Bounty Hunter, 9 p.m., A&E;
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., SyFy
Shedding for the Wedding, 9 p.m., CW
Mr. Sunshine, 9:30 p.m., ABC
Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, 10 p.m., CBS
Danger Hunters, 10 p.m., Planet Green
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 10 p.m., TLC
The Real World, 10 p.m., MTV
Top Chef, 10 p.m., Bravo
Retired at 35, SEASON FINALE, 10:30 p.m., TV Land
Storage Wars, 10:30 p.m., A&E;

What are you watching tonight?

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