MTV Movie Awards: NAILED IT!

The 2011 MTV Movie Awards had it all: HOT celebrities, SICK musical guests, and tons of AWESOME awards given to VERY COOL movies. Move over, Teen Choice Awards! Take a hike, Kids' Choice Awards! Go fly a kite, Grandparents' Choice Awards (a.k.a. the OSCARS), we finally got an awesome awards show just for US and the cool movies that WE like. God bless MTV!!

Haha just kidding, this thing was AWFUL. It was the worst thing I've ever seen, and that's the truth. At least, I THINK it was the worst… I'm not even positive what exactly I even watched for two hours. The TV listings claimed it was the 2011 MTV Movie Awards, but it was actually just a montage of summer movie trailers occasionally interrupted by ads for Teen Wolf? The world is a horrible, confusing place sometimes, and it's never been more horrible or confusing than it was Sunday night on MTV between the hours of 9pm and 11pm. Fact.

I know what you're thinking. Believe me, I do. And yes, I suppose an argument CAN be made that the 2011 MTV Movie Awards wasn't really aimed at people like me. That is definitely an argument that can be made. That's what's so cool about arguments: People can make them at any time for any reason. Who cares? The fact is, I watched the 2011 MTV Movie Awards and it was kind of a nightmare. (Quick question: Can a nightmare be boring??)

Anyway, let's talk about it!

I learned a lot on Sunday. Not only about the state of modern teens and their moviegoing habits, but also about myself. The most depressing thing I learned is that apparently I don't like Jason Sudeikis anymore? Sorry. Don't shoot the messenger! I realize I also wrote the message, but now I'm just being a messenger. I don't want to get shot, is what I'm saying. Also, I'm saying Jason Sudeikis did a terrible job hosting this thing.

Nice try, MTV. Simply reminding us that Chelsea Handler ALSO did a terrible job last year doesn't mean we should be grateful for the reprieve.

The "comedy" started off confusingly with a sketch that I guess was supposed to parody The Hangover, except with Taylor Lautner as the missing bro. I straight-up did not understand the Osama Bin Laden joke pictured above. Jason Sudeikis was just chillin' up on the wall by Bin Laden's mansion, and also the Navy Seals had spray-painted graffiti on it? I'm really not sure what's going on here.

Anyway, back to the "sketch." First of all, Taylor Lautner is tiny. Absolutely tiny. Sure, he has the physique of a child bodybuilder, but that doesn't mean he's any taller than three apples high.

This guy from The Hangover showed up. Yet another handsome movie star trying to pretend he's taller than 5'5". I realize that Hollywood is the world's capital of illusions, but I guess it's also the world's capital of apple boxes? That all the men stand on? Nevermind.

My question is, if the MTV Movie Awards is trying so hard to set itself apart from all the other stodgy awards shows, then why did it copy the exact same format as the Oscars? Opening sketch filled with movie stars in which the host inserts himself into the nominated films? Awesome. Super original! At least the Oscar intro featured Alec Baldwin and James Franco in a leotard.

Is it too soon to talk about how sucky The Hangover Part II was? I guess it is. I'd better zip it. (Ask me later.)

This was a very believable scene in which Taylor Lautner lustfully watched Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis get it on in Black Swan. Sure, Taylor Lautner. Whatever you and your team say.

He looked sort of cross-eyed here. Team Jacob!!!

As a viewer, this whole thing just made me feel so stressed. Not as stressed as the button on Jason Sudeikis' suit though, am I right?! Haha. No but seriously I was really concerned about it popping off and murdering an innocent seat-filler. (Not any of the celebrities, though).

He told tons of topical jokes. This one about Justin Bieber made Selena Gomez hide her face. Plus, her homely friend was NOT happy. Seriously, ladies? It's not okay to poke a little fun at Selena Gomez's embarrassing P.R. romance? Get real.

Ladies and gentleman, the star of the show and one of the night's few bright spots: Emma Stone. This was her truly great deadpan stare when Jason Sudeikis made a Canadian-themed "Easy Eh" joke. Man, she is perfect.

Gary Busey was there. The kids LOVE Gary Busey. Right? I don't know, this felt kind of gross. Sure, he's sort of crazy. But it also seems like he kind of deserves more respect than being paraded around as an ironic punchline. Maybe I just love Point Break too much. Team Gary!!!

Mary Murphy was looking good. Just kidding, this was actually Amanda Bynes (I'm pretty sure). I don't know about you, but I'm getting super tired of trying to convince people she's the next big comedy actress when it's like she REFUSES to be in good movies anymore. That ship has sailed, I guess? Oh well. Have a nice life, Amanda Bynes!

If you like tons of sub-Leno monologue jokes about Arnold Schwarzenegger's affair, Jason Sudeikis really delivered! I really liked the joke where he said Bridesmaids got its title because those are the two types of women that Schwarzenegger sleeps with. It made so much sense. The premise was rock-solid and the execution breath-taking. Oh, Jason Sudeikis, what's happened to you? Or was this the REAL you all along??

Our first presenters, Mila Kunis (American Psycho 2) and Justin Timberlake (late '90s blonde perm) did some bit where they grabbed each other's genitals because they were close like brother and sister. Again, sometimes when it comes to comedy I need to actually understand what's going on. I just didn't understand much of anything during this whole show, especially this joke. But whatever! They have a new movie coming out! As did every single other presenter!

Um, there were some interstitial CGI animations for each category that were so unbelievably awful you wouldn't believe it. This one featured a rat doing naughty things to a woman (I'm guessing?) and was rendered in the world's worst '90s-era computer animation. We're talking sub-Hoodwinked quality. Just the worst.

In one of the night's most important recurring themes, Robert Pattinson was basically a charm-free jackass. It would be too easy to claim he was on drugs; it's probably more the case that he just sucks? Anyway, his stardom has always been weird. He's strikingly handsome in still photos (and his similarly static performances), but most of the time he looks like he has adult-onset Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Sorry, ladies, I know you set your biological clocks by Twilight release dates, but get real. This guy is the worst.

Finally, a celebrity who's NOT tiny! Dang, Elle Fanning! What you been eatin'?? Anyway, this was a very cool part of the show where the cast and crew of Super 8 came out to present… A TRAILER for Super 8! Oh, I see how it is, MTV Movie Awards, you old trickster. That being said, I enjoyed the trailer for Super 8 more than anything else on the whole show, so I can only be so mad, you know?

Josh Duhamel looked pretty stoked about it too. Even if the alien creature DID sort of resemble Fergie.

It made me laugh when the commercial ended and as we were going to the real commercial break (!) the Super 8 team was about to bounce, like "Our work is done here." Throughout the night, whenever we got these backstage glimpses, it always looked like the celebrity in question was leaving. I was so jealous!

Sorry Ladies, Part II: Ryan Gosling is not as attractive as you think. He was one of my first celebrity sightings here in L.A. and it was just after Breaker High or Young Hercules or whatever terrible thing he was doing pre-The Notebook and I saw him driving a blinged-out Escalade with a posse of buddies who all looked like Eminem, and he was talking on his Sidekick and cutting people off. I just don't like Ryan Gosling, is what I'm trying to say! This smugly unfunny routine he did with Steve Carell did nothing to change my opinion. Sorry! Ow! Ow! You are shooting the messenger!

Hey look who won Best Villain? The kid who plays Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies. Good for him. I mean, he kind of brushed it off like winning this was merely a trivial matter in his otherwise illustrious career (sure, guy). But he DID look slightly less inbred than he does in the movies, so congrats!.

Jim Carrey, comedy expert.

The Foo Fighters performed because it is 2011 and modern teens care very deeply about the Foo Fighters. Also they played a very intense, serious rock song because people love the Foo Fighters' serious side. Also Dave Grohl had been replaced by Andrew W.K.? I'm not sure, I was cleaning my glasses.

Haha, what's up Sway?? It's Sway, everybody! America's most charmingly belligerent news reporter (since 1995??) looked resplendent in his white suit and ho hat. He was backstage shouting about something or other. Who knows. It's Sway!!

Chris Evans was there, reminding everyone to hurry up and text in their votes for best picture. Oh, so THAT'S how this whole thing works. Perfect.

Some actually funny people showed up, looked vaguely embarrassed, then presented an award for "Most Jaw-Dropping Moment" to an absent Justin Bieber.

Except WHAT? Shock of all shocks, Justin Bieber made a surprise appearance! It was totally a surprise because only like ten seconds earlier Nick Swardson SAID Justin Bieber wasn't there. But then BOOM he WAS there! OMG you guyz. Justin Bieber really is just the hunkiest child in America.

Did you miss any of the dozens of Teen Wolf ads that appeared throughout the night? Yes? What about when the cast appeared onstage during the commercial break (?). On the west coast feed, this girl got cut off mid-sentence, so that was hilarious.

There was a 127 Hours-themed comedy bit (FINALLY).

The cast of Transformers 3 came out and presented THEIR trailer. Can't wait for this one! Just kidding, I can wait for this one. In fact, my patience for this one is at a zen-like level, as vast as the Sahara desert and deeper than the Mariana trench. Transformers 3, everybody!

I'm no Melissa Rivers, but I didn't understand anything people were wearing. Whatever happened to a nice button-down shirt and khakis? Penny loafers? Sweater vests? You know, the classics.

Sudeikis did a comedy bit on the piano. Those always go well! Just kidding, they never do, and this one definitely didn't. Never trust a comedian who either sits down at or picks up a musical instrument during his set. I'd give Zach Galifianakis a pass, but he needs to write an apology letter for The Hangover Part II. I KNOW he's ashamed of it, I just need him to admit it.

There was this bit where the dudes from Jackass had lasers for boners and Ryan Reynolds tried to say unsexy things to make them turn off. Lord, all I ask for is that things make sense! Nothing about this did, and the deafening crickets seemed to agree. Here was a highlight:

Yup, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart won Best Kiss, but it was Taylor Lautner who ended up the lucky gal.

I actually sorta felt bad for him here. This kiss was a joke for one of them and a terrifying moment of truth for the other. Yikes, I hope he'll be okay! Don't worry T, it gets better.

Oh, I forgot, there were TWO awesome Emmas. Much like Emma Stone, this one also looked totally out of place, being relatively cultured and educated. Stay in school, EW!

Haha, oh, Sway. He made another appearance, this time READING OUT LOUD texts that teenage girls had sent in. Classic Sway!

Haha, seriously? Just out for a jog, Lady Gaga? I laughed so hard at this.

Some people came out to pay tribute to Reese Witherspoon. Patrick Dempsey was fine, but Robert Pattinson just clowned around like an A-hole.

Except, whoops! It's clear MTV WANTED him to do that. Like they KNEW he'd drop the F-bomb and accuse Reese Witherspoon of having him cut out of Vanity Fair. I will give props to Chelsea Handler, though, who finally, for the first time in my life, made me laugh at something said by Chelsea Handler when she said, "This is the worst."

Reese seemed pretty cool with it all, I guess. She was a pretty good sport considering she's still young and they're giving her a lifetime achievement award or whatever. I think her career for the past ten years has been mostly garbage, but she's been in at least three amazing movies that I can think of. Especially…

FREEWAY!!! I was worried they'd try and scrub this off her CV, but nope, they included clips of it in her tribute montage. Dang, Freeway is THE BEST. I am going to go watch it RIGHT NOW.

Cool logo! Hopefully MTV will give Reese Witherspoon a copy of this image for her Myspace page.

I liked when Reese said that the three presenters were the "three most ridiculous people on planet Earth." Yeah, Patrick Dempsey is DEFINITELY that. P.S. What was this, a roast?

Nothing funny could come of a title card like this.

Sure enough! God, even Tyrese looked bored and he has basically nothing to do in his spare time. This made me laugh:

Mostly because of how well it summed up the entire night. MTV: "Nobody likes this? Then let's just fist-bump ourselves!"

Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel did a hilarious comedy bit where he would send her text messages from the cell phone in his butt. BUT THEN he accidentally defecated on the cell phone and couldn't send text messages anymore. Bad Teacher, coming soon to a theater near you.

A little girl won "Best Quote From a Movie" (i.e., Best Titled Category From An Awards Show — 2012 Awards Show Awards). She literally thanked her manager and God, in that order. Awesome. It's a baby celebrity! Later on Jason Sudeikis made a rehab joke about her, and Kathy Griffin probably threw a shoe at her television.

Nicki Minaj's backside was UNREAL. I mean, WHAT? Does NASA know about this?

That being said, Nicki Minaj is still the best. They didn't let her sing, but then again, they didn't really deserve it.

Kristen Stewart slurred and fidgeted her way through an acceptance speech, just barely containing her contempt for the award and her own fans for giving it to her. I'm guessing she threw it out her limo window later in the evening.

Then the cast of Monte Carlo came out to introduce Lupe Fiasco and Selena Gomez's first line made me laugh out loud: "An online fan said it best…" Wow, great intro! Also, what is up with Selena Gomez? She's super funny on her show, but then extremely serious in person? Good times, lady. Your charisma is magnetic!

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about Lupe Fiasco's weird Modest Mouse cover. It was fine. I liked the mohawk lady singing backup.

Never heard of it.

Jason Bateman and Charlie Day came out to join Jason Sudeikis for some weirdly desperate, nonsensical banter that went nowhere and did not even make me smile, let alone sell me on their new movie.

Luckily they gave an award to Emma Stone for being funny. I can get behind this! Emma Stone is great.

Then these three came back out and presented THEIR trailer. Breaking Dawn, everybody:

Haha, this trailer features one of my favorite classic movie elements, Concerned Wheelchair Dudes Yelling At Shirtless Running Dudes.

And for the final award of the night, Gary Busey rolled out in a bubble. It was fine. The audience didn't go nuts, and neither did he.

I DID laugh at the awkwardness with which he opened the envelope. Awkwardness was another major recurring theme throughout the night, whether it was unplanned silence after jokes, or just people looking confused. This show was RICH with those kinds of moments.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Best Movie of the Year… ECLIPSE! Haha, whatever you say, teens.

Don't quit your day job, guy. Cue the fire extinguisher jamboree!

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Jun 15, 2011
Hacks who live in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks. At some point I figured I'd wasted enough time on this rambling review. Maybe TV.com should hire writers who can a make point and back up their views with something other than childish off-the-cuff insults that aren't even clever.
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Jun 12, 2011
Would have been completely boring without the very entertaining Pattinson.
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Jun 11, 2011
Free speech - if it ain't good - say so!
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Jun 11, 2011
OMG i mean i always liked and resoected TV.com news, but this is so no objective, it is clear that the ass*ole who wrote this has a very serious problem with MTV and with all famous people who was on the show! Get a life man/gal! Why on earth did you watch it if you already knew you were gonna hate it?? The show was okay. not good or bad....
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Jun 10, 2011
It wasn't that bad though.
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Jun 09, 2011
People who say Twilight sucks are behaving like morons. If you do not like it just ignore it. I am sick of everyone talking about it all the time. People going on about how Twilights great, People going on about how Twilight sucks. Its just a boring broken record. Just have the decency to let people enjoy something they like and ignore it if you hate it.
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Jun 09, 2011
Twilight sucks! Last year it was okay but this year the whole twilight thing made it the worst movie awards ever!
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Jun 09, 2011
Price, I'm not sure if you saw this week's South Park, but it was all about you.
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Jun 09, 2011
Look I'm no Twi-hard but this lets everyone jump on the I hate twilight bandwagon is so old and predictable. Its only a movie that a lot of people enjoy. If you don't like it ok but there is no need to turn into a predictable hate monster. I mean display a bit of intelligence here. How can you call someone an ass without being an ass yourself? Get over the obsessional hate, it is so immature making the anti twilight army every bit as much of a virus everywhere I go. It is so annoying. Grow up people.
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Jun 09, 2011
Robert Pattinson is an ass.
Twi-hards are a virus.
Justin Bieber is a no talent media whore
Kirsten Stewart is a ungrateful diva
Emma Stone was a glimmer of hope and talent.

Btw, the Twilight movies SUCK people. Get over it!!
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Jun 09, 2011
I can not stand either Emma. Emma Watson has a smug superiority complex and is quite dumpy. Emma Stone has a voice like a man. I question how any man can find either even remotely attractive.
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Jun 09, 2011
Oh come on, Robert Pattinson was so funny at these awards. Give some credit where it is due. The show would have been a complete bust without him.
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Jun 09, 2011
Haha love the article and it summed up this Twi fest almost perfectly, although Charlie Day is always hilarious, nonsensical banter or not. Also, I thought Reese's speech was worth mentioning, about teen girls not relying on the plague that is reality tv to get into hollywood. A tip of my hat to her.

Oh awkward Twi cast, where will you be in 10 years....
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Jun 08, 2011
I agree that Emma Stone and Emma Watson were the only good thing about this years MTV awards. They were everything a respectable, lovely actress (and human) should be. I don't know what everyone else was doing that night.

And yep, Twilight winning all the awards pretty much epitomizes the standard of the show.
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Jun 08, 2011
You guys are hilarious and hypocritical including Price. First you say that the awards are a joke and can not be taken seriously then you criticize people at the awards who obviously did not take them seriously especially Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!! Where is the sanity at? At least they know how to have a laugh about it and not take themselves too seriously. Some people could do with taking a leaf out of their book really though I doubt you'd ever admit it.
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Jun 08, 2011
Hey im a teen but dont hold me accountable for that disaster. I agree Emma Stone rules and was the only good moment of the whole fiasco that was the MTV Movie Awards!!! Kirsten Stewart is a ungrateful diva who really really is a terrible actress and this only made realise how much of an ass Robert Pattinson is!! One goo view i came away with was it that the trailer of Breaking Dawn means that i am thankfully over that crap and that the Edward Cullen/Jacob Black/Twilight epidemic is nearly over!! And hopefully we will all be able to recover from that terrible disease Stephenine Meyer brought to this world!!
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Jun 08, 2011
Why do you do an article and a long one at that, about the who cares mtv movie 'awards'? Does anybody over the age of 14 (except price peterson) even watch these sponsr paid 'awards'. How about an article trying to convince us that price peterson is over the age of 14?
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Jun 08, 2011
I kept thinking to myself when will this nightmare end? Why am I watching it? I love K-Stew for Speak (amazing pre-Twilight work) but in real life its like watching a robot or an alien try to fit in with us meatbags...don't even get me started on Robert P. - Reesce had to save his dirty joke...smh
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Jun 08, 2011
First off, you guys do realize that MTV re-branded itself a few years ago. They dropped the word music from its logo, meaning its no longer Music Television. Get used to it. That being said, the awards show sucked. The MTV Movie Awards used to be the cool awards that didn't take itself seriously. But, aside from the lame attempt at humor, the awards were taken way too seriously. Remember the old days when Chewbacca got a lifetime achievement award or Clint Howard? Now, it's a glowing celeb lovefest. And the winners were too predictable. You can always tell who will win at MTV awards show based on audience attendance. 99% of the time, only the winners show up, not the other nominees, which indicates the producers told them ahead of time to show up. And what's with the clip fest of upcoming movies?
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Jun 08, 2011
I missed it...and after reading this I'm wondering if I should watch the reruns that you know Mtv is gonna show infinitely...(should I watch it cause it was epically bad, should I watch so I know what you guys are talking about, or should I just take everyone's word for it and spare myself the torture...) on an almost unrelated note I love Selena Gomez(usually) and I absolutely love love love Emma Stone ( and that was my fan-girl moment for the day :P)
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Jun 08, 2011
i changed the channel everytime Twilight got an award... Price you should have used Emma Watson face when twilight won the "best fight" award to show our indignation LOL
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Jun 08, 2011
i agree it was freaking TERRIBLE! though it did have it's moments. the dude who hosted was terrible! the line he said about how MTV isn't a music channel anymore was funny though. & he goes i'm talking to you MTV executives. why is it even Called MTV ? it hasn't been MTV in YEARS! neither has VH1. they aren't even music channels anymore. but reality TV.
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Jun 08, 2011
Oh God..what is the world coming to? Tom Felton's acceptance was right...he knows those awards are crap and probably didn't care. Can't we just forget the damn teen vampires already? the oscar winning natalie loses to the mumbling kristen..yup those awards are fantastic.
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Jun 08, 2011
This is probably the funniest thing I've read in a month. I lolled outloud about the Taylor Lautner realising he is in fact homosexual and the contempt Kirsten Stewart has for the award. An article well written!
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Jun 08, 2011
Justin Bieber really is just the hunkiest child in America.
You know he's Canadian right?
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Jun 08, 2011
agree on everything but the hangover part ii. compared to the first, of course it's crap. but the first was brilliant. on its own, part ii was still pretty funny. just don't expect it to be as good as the first one. the only sequel better than the original movie was aliens.
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Jun 07, 2011
I thought there was a mixture of good and bad points. The worst part was Emma Stone, Steve Carrell and Ryan Gosling and Jim Carrey. The rest I genuinely though was funny.
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Jun 07, 2011
The two Emmas are way overrated. Emma Stone is not that funny and Emma Watson is not that classy or beautiful! I liked the show. Did you guys lose your sense of humors?
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Jun 07, 2011
I like Eclipse! I do not know why people have such a chip on their shoulders about it. I enjoyed the awards. Way more fun than any other award show I've seen in ages. They did not care and had some fun. Can not believe how serious some people are.
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Jun 07, 2011
Kristen looks hot
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Jun 07, 2011
Oh come on. It was light heart-hearted fun.
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Jun 07, 2011
My thought is that we already have enough movie awards; plus this channel is a music channel. It was an awkward show; what I saw of it.
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Jun 07, 2011
Love your articles, the best things on this site. And I agree the emma's and nicki are awesome. This show is just embarrassing, though. Twilight should never win anything.
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Jun 07, 2011
What a whiney and bitter article. If you do not like something fair enough but is it really necessary to be crude, rude and nasty. You dont like the awards, well get over it and dont watch! Does picking on people make you feel good about yourself?? Also your precious Emmas could be considered awkward at the awards too but you failed to mention that instead made a crack about education and intelligence which just made you look like an ignorant snob.
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Jun 07, 2011
stop watching mtv... well when no music videos on it.
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Jun 07, 2011
lol, MTV still exists?
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Jun 07, 2011
Just been horrible since these Twilight movies came out. 80% of the Movie Awards is a love fest to Twilight. The other 20% is stars advertising their upcoming movies. And then the awards are horribly given. You know who won by looking at the audience at who is there. And if a Twilight star is nominated, they most likely won that award.
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Jun 07, 2011
If they added a dude with drums going; pudum tshhh after every joke...
at least there would have been sound after every joke....
LOL at my own comment,but NOT at this award show.
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Jun 07, 2011
Thanks for the recap. I still wonder why this awards show continues.
I did laugh at some of the stuff you wrote.
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Jun 07, 2011
Nice article I agreed with most of it lol. Twilight is an ok movie/book but not good enough to have all this hoop la about it especially the actors who most of the time can't act lol. Being a big Harry Potter fan I thought they should of won most of the awards they were nominated for except for best kiss cause the kiss between Hermione/Harry was just terribly awkward! As for best movie the award should have gone to either Inception or Harry Potter, damn teeny boppers and their obsession with robert pattinson! :/ All in all the show was ok but mostly disappointing with its bad winners choices and really awkward not funny moments.
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Jun 07, 2011
I caught the rerun yesterday and watched it for about 5 minutes...the awkwardness was unbearable! Especially when the host sat down at the piano...I've never heard crickets like that LOL. Thanks for the recap! You saved me a good 3 hours.
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Jun 07, 2011
God bless this commentary. MTV is for someone with the mentality of a drunk gorilla.
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Jun 07, 2011
This guy is a dick but he's a funny dick
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Jun 07, 2011
wow, sorry you had to sit through this, but awesomely hilarious article!
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Jun 07, 2011
wakakakakak
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Jun 07, 2011
What I see here looks low quality. And Twilight winning ? Well, that explains everything about the quality of the awards ...
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Jun 07, 2011
Cant wait until the end of twilight sure the movies are okey but not the best ffs it pisses me of that good movies cant win cuz all the teens in the world love the cast of twilight even if they cant act for **** sometimes!
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Jun 07, 2011
this was hilarious lol!
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Jun 07, 2011
THANK YOU TV.com, Thank you!!!
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Jun 07, 2011
Does anyone remember when Gary Busey was nominated for an Academy Award for his brilliant performance as Buddy Holly in "The Buddy Holly Story" anymore?
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