New Girl "Bachelorette Party" Review: Countdown to a Runaway Bride

New Girl S02E22: "Bachelorette Party"

We all know that Cece and Shevrang aren't meant to be. Sure, they've had their cute moments—and there were many of those in "Bachelorette Party"—but all along there's been the sense that they just aren't a good fit for one another. When you or your partner have habits and personality quirks that irk the other, there's certainly room to change, but in a healthy relationship, there are limits to what's acceptable to alter. Stuff like popping chewing gum loudly, blowing up burritos in the microwave (and leaving the mess for someone else to find), struggling to consistently put the toilet seat down—those are all things that are perfectly reasonable to ask someone, even someone you're gearing up to marry, to stop doing. But "bigger" stuff is a different story.

To be fair to Shevrang, he has never explicitly told Cece to get with the ultra-traditional program he's so fond of, but over the course of her relationship with him, she's developed a sense of what is and isn't appropriate and unfortunately for, pretty much every aspect of her life sets off alarms with Shevrang... and us... and possibly herself if the outcome of her surprise bachelorette party is anything to judge by. 

No one has called off the wedding just yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if we end up with a runaway bride situation on our hands in the coming weeks. Jess was horrified that Cece seemed to rush into planning a wedding in just a matter of weeks, and crushed and angered that CeCe outright rejected the bachelorette party that Jess pulled together based on teenage Cece's very specific guidelines. Maybe Cece would have been more receptive to "Pin the Dong on Shevrang" and the always classy, drunken bride-to-be slideshow if one of her future in-laws wasn't in tow, but based on how surprised everyone in the loft was by the arrival of Cece's wedding invitations—especially Jess, who should have been front and center as Cece's BFF and probably Maid of Honor—it seems like Cece is taking a purely utilitarian approach to her wedding. No frills. No parties. No dwelling on questions like, "do I actually even like this guy I'm committing the rest of my life to?" She just wants it to be over with, and while that's not an entirely out-there sentiment to have during wedding planning, it does set a rather alarming tone going into her marriage to Shevrang. What happens when the exhilaration of marriage ends and Cece realizes she made a terrible mistake?

Because that right there? That's totally Cece's "I've made a terrible mistake" face. 

Ultimately, Cece's chaperone and almost-in-law turned out to be really cool, and despite a night of horrifying shenanigans at the hands of Winston and Nick, Shevrang rushed to calm Cece's fears (about not seeing his peen) as soon as they were made aware to him. He clearly cares about Cece on some level, and maybe if he wasn't so uptight about his image and Cece as an extension of that image, they might have a chance as a couple. However, as it stands, I think the clock is counting down for those two. Cece was practically brought to tears by Schmidt's heartfelt apology about being selfish when they were dating/not-dating. 

Schmidt's storyline echoed Cece's this week when her refusal to allow him a +1 at her wedding kicked off a campaign to prove to Cece that he needed to be allowed to bring a date because he would most certainly have one. When Cece countered that +1s are only for spouses and serious partners, Schmidt balked at the idea that he couldn't maintain a serious relationship. He sought out a parade of exes and one-night-stands, apologized, freaked them out, and eventually realized that HE might've been the problem in those failed relationships. 

Cece is in the process of burying her true self in preparation of her marriage to Shevrang, but Schmidt's real self has been hidden for years. According to his ex-girlfriend from college, Elizabeth—whom he managed to keep around for an astounding (for Schimdt) four years—the problems in their relationship started when Schmidt got skinny. He lost weight and then he got mean and we know she wasn't bluffing because we saw him giving her a barf-inducing cutsey foot rub back in his fat suit days. She called him "the big guy" and loved him dearly, but had no lingering feelings for the skinny guy asking for forgiveness on her stoop. Schmidt apologized and brought her pizza and claimed that "the big guy" is still inside him somewhere. AWWWW. 

Then it got weird. Weirder than Nick spending the entire episode romping around in his dead dad's banana yellow track suit.

So, Cece and Shevrang's impending nuptuals are still Cece and Shevrang's impending nuptuals. Cece has bestowed Jess the Maid of Honor title. All should be right in the world... but not really. 

What did you think of "Bachelorette Party"?


– One-liner of the night: "There's a sexually aggressive message on the mirror and I apologize for that," purely for Zooey Deschanel's delivery. Also, Schmidt's montage of apologies.

– Gotta love the Dead Dad Pass. 

– I liked the continuation of Too Intense to Function Winston: The threats to beat Shevrang with a baseball bat if Shevrang didn't submit to being kidnapped, the staredown, the setting a trash can on fire... 

– I thought there would be more Jess/Nick awkwardness once the truth came out that the dick pic was of Nick's junk, not Shevrang's. Loved how Nick was super proud once he realized Jess wasn't horrified. 

– On the Nick-and-Jess-are-so-awkward-it-hurts note: Cece calling Jess out on acting like a seventh grader re: crushing on Nick. Glorious. 

– Do you think we'll see Elizabeth again? Do we want to? Given her extensive history with Schimidt and the fact that they looked like they were on their way toward reconciliation with the sexually charged pizza par-tay, do you think she could rival Cece for Schmidt's affections?

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