New Girl "Longest Night Ever" Review: More Like Longest EPISODE Ever

New Girl S03E09: "Longest Night Ever"


Yeah, okay, that's not entirely fair, but I'm confused about my New Girl feelings and I don't know what to do about it. Like quite a few of you have already said in the comments, something just feels off about this season and it's not bad, but it's not the shiny gem that I look forward to every week, either. 

I think this might be what mediocrity feels like and I don't like it. Have we fallen so far? Not yet—but in many ways, New Girl is just going through the motions, especially where Cece and Schmidt are concerned. 

As for Winston, however—Winston is glorious, despite the flaws of Season 3 so far. Winston + Hamster Lady = true love 5-ever.


Winston revealed that he and Ferguson (HI, FERGIE!) had taken a shower together and it upset Nick to the point where everyone finally agreed that Winston needs to interact with humans again. Unfortunately, Winston had forgotten how to do that and then Nick lost Ferguson, sending the demented duo into the streets to find our new favorite feline and eventually leading them to the nicely appointed living room of Hamster Lady, who has a name, but shall be known exclusively as Hamster Lady regardless. Plz stay. I predict that she'll stick around at least until Ferguson eats her hamster. NOM NOM.


With Nick on Winston Duty, Jess was stuck with Schmidt, who did the thing that Schmidt's been doing for nearly every episode of the season so far: He pined for Cece. Cece, for some unexplained reason, sucks at getting dates even though she's like a super hot supermodel, and she accepted Coach's invitation to go out because New Girl needed to justify Coach's continued presence. Carrying on the show's fine tradition of blaming douchey behavior on other people/things instead of just owning up to it, Coach admitted to struggling with insecurities and nerves when it comes to women and his self-esteem. Which, to Coach's credit, is at least a real and possible thing that's infinitely less WTF than Schmidt's "I used to be a fatty" excuse. So... I guess he can stay. For now. It's still hard to be terribly invested in him, though, which is kind of indicative of what might be wrong for many of us this season. The joie de vivre seems to be missing. If we're going to make Schmidt go through the same motions every week, they need to at least be, well, not miserable.  It was practically a relief when Jess hit him with the Jess-mobile. 


I just don't know how to fix New Girl, you guys, and it's not like I'm not enjoying the show this season, but I'm not enjoying it as much as I enjoyed last season, even though all the pieces are still here. Is it Nessy? Nessy wasn't even a huge part of this episode—or even a small part of this episode, for that matter. In fact, sometimes Nessy is basically a non-issue. I was never so heavily invested in Cece and Schmidt that their separation is unbearable to watch, but I do think that the way Cece and Schmidt are being written as they cope with their break-up is kind of unbearable. If Cece and Coach can help New Girl get out of this funk, then I'm all for it. If not... well... at least we have Winston and Hamster Lady. 

What do you think? Are we doomed?



NOTES FROM THE DOUCHEBAG JAR

– One-liner of the night: "She's on a flip phone. That means she's either poor or a time traveler." —Schmidt

– "That first-class ass will be sitting in coach tonight." NO. 

– "You ever wonder if someone in here killed someone?" All the time, Winnie. All the time. 

– Schmidt/Sofa. Schmofa?

– "Your cat's a psycho." I'm so happy Hamster Lady confirmed this. I knew that cat wasn't right. 

– Aww for Schmidt saying Jess was just being a friend when she hit him with her car. Aww.

– But OMG Jess, throwing around the M-word. Nick just got comfortable calling you his girlfriend like, ten minutes ago, and you're talking marriage? It's Nick. You're gonna scare him awaaaaaay. 


Comments (69)
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Jan 21, 2014
I miss what Schmidt makes Schmidt... Maybe the jar needs to return... I also want to see more of Jess with her female friends; now it's like she just hangs out with her roommate and boyfriend. Cece should have more interaction with her as well but I feel something is going to happen with Cece and Winston (maybe just friendship, but still). Also, I miss the games they used to play (and honestly, the guys Jess used to date). So, it's not making me laugh as often as it used to, but I still love it. Hope they come back strong though...
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Nov 22, 2013
Although, the latest episode didn't feel as fresh as those of previous seasons it's still worth watching..

That said I think the show would benefit by having Cece interact more directly with the group in the capacity of being Jess's best friend.

Also bring back Cece's crazy russian (?) model friend she was so funny! "Monkey"
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Nov 21, 2013
Please Schmidt get over Cece already. This is getting a bit annoying. But I liked his lines. be Schmidt again! Oh and I enjoy the Mindy Project more than New Girl nowadays, even though it used to be the other way around..
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Nov 23, 2013
you know what, if someone told me that I would be looking forward to the mindy project over new girl last year I would have called them crazy. but yeah im enjoying it more as well
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Nov 21, 2013
Spoiler Alert:

Schmidt will finally come out.

Then the show will be cancelled by corporate.
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Nov 21, 2013
I think that what is most missing this season is Schmidt and his Schmidtisims. Even this review lists the quote of the week as Schmidt's flip phone line, which was when I laughed out loud. I like the Schmidt rants about inferior materials or sub standard cooking. We need more lines like THESE! Please let Schmidt be normal (or at least the normal Schmidt, which I guess is not all that normal).

I can see Coach becoming a semi-regular character. I miss Happy Endings but it is nice to see the actors getting jobs on other shows like this one and The Mindy Project. I sort of see this going down as Schmidt will eventually come back to the loft and Coach will move to Schmidt's place. That way he can have roles and parts when needed, but won't need an every episode involvement.
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Nov 21, 2013
They definitely need to start digging deeper into characters again. We need the odd serious episode like Nick's return home ep etc.

Liked the episode. Laughed out loud a few times which is always a good sign!
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Nov 22, 2013
"Liked the episode. Laughed out loud a few times which is always a good sign!"

exactly! it's still a comedy, not my favorite, but this episode made me laugh
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Nov 21, 2013
I feel like since Coach arrived, the show has gotten out of its funk quite a bit. So I disagree with much of this review. But I do love that Winston is getting to do a lot more, be involved a lot more in the stories and have his own story lines apart from the group.

I was bummed when Damon Wayans Jr. left after the pilot, but love that rather than recast Coach, they created Winston. I liked Cece and Schmidt together but, as characters, didn't Schmidt blow his last chance by dating two women at once, whether or not it's tied to his being overweight and having body issues growing up? There's a point he's got to stop wallowing and own up rather than be a victim and let that define his actions in the present. It would be great to see him "work on himself" for part of the season, maybe taking some kind of improvement classes, and then introduce a possible new love interest through those activities.

Basically, Schmidt and Cece are at that "Ross and Rachel Point," where, even if they ultimately end up back together (and we kinda want them to), they need to go their own ways, date others, remain close friends and build from there.
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Nov 21, 2013
Loved this episode..it has been a while that i like one again...
Schmidt was himself again about Cece...
Winston was awesome again...he found his love Hamster Lady...Whahahahaahahhaa soooo funny...she is nuts like him....hahahahahahaha
Coach still annoys me...he shouldn't be in it...!!
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Nov 21, 2013
Remember when Winston was equal parts hilarious weirdo & intelligent voice of reason? I miss those days.
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Nov 21, 2013
Favorite part:

Winston: "You eat your damn sandwich Nick!"

Nick: "I don't like it."

Bertie: "What about you Winston, did you like it?"

Winston: "I'm not cool like you Bertie. Sometimes it was a little hard to chew."

Bertie: "Well... you can suck on it to make it soft."

Nick; Choked!

And then I lost it.

And then came the part of Coach telling Cece that he has texting his mom. He show her his phone and "Go get'em Bubu?" "It's me. I'm Bubu." Lost it again.
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Nov 21, 2013
"I just don't know how to fix New Girl, you guys, and it's not like I'm not enjoying the show this season, but I'm not enjoying it as much as I enjoyed last season, even though all the pieces are still here. Is it Nessy? Nessy wasn't even a huge part of this episode—or even a small part of this episode, for that matter."

How to fix it? There's nothing to fix. The show original concept had been altered from the beginning. Is messed up, but not in a bad way. It still funny. The show is running its course thanks to those alterations. Me? I'm just going with the flow. The concept is f'ed up, but the essence still there. Even if the show should be called "Friends: The Next Generation", is one of the best comedies around right now. And sorry for the copy/paste MaryAnn.
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Nov 21, 2013
I'm not a fan of hamster lady. Winston is on the verge of becoming a caricature of a character. The "kooky" lady as his love interest pushes him over a line for me. I'm worried Winston may turn into a punchline instead of the bizarre and hilarious character I've come to love.
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Nov 21, 2013
I don't understand Winston's psychotic break with the cat. It was good for an episode, but he's stopped being my favorite character with this non-sense. although I am happy he brought hamster lady into the mix. That woman scared me and I enjoyed it.
How is it ok with everyone else in the house for Coach to date Cece? Not cool.
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Nov 21, 2013
Lastly, I want douchy Schmidt back, I think that is what is missing. I miss all that douchyness and the douchbag jar ): Things just seem so broken.
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Nov 21, 2013
Does anybody think it was a bit weird that everyone thought that it was great that coach was dating Cece. I found it a bit weird how Nick and Jess were thinking that Schmidt shouldn't be upset just because he cheated on her..... Please correct me if I am wrong but I thought it was a bit weird
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Nov 21, 2013
I think the reason why I haven't liked this season is the over emphasis on Schmidt and Cece. Mainly cause it seems like they've kind of written themselves into a corner and are stuck with having Schmidt being mopey all the time. And have no clue where this story line is leading to. I would be fine with it if it lasted for like 3 episodes max but this is episode 9! and its really gone on way to long
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Nov 20, 2013
My favourite part was when Schmidt started motor boating the sofa cushions.

And, question. Why is the bus driver lady's hamster hanging on the wall?
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Nov 20, 2013
Oh Winston how I love you and your weird cat who is now a psycho and your choice in women... Hamster Lady seems really odd and nice I mean she did contact a lost cat owner.
Yes I am also fed up with Winston and Cece 's storyline.
Oh, nothing like run over your friend with your car... the true sign of friendship.
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Nov 20, 2013
Winston has forgotten how to talk to girls, didn't they already do that one?
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Nov 20, 2013
I am so glad I'm not the only one with these exact thoughts! I haven't enjoyed this season much at all, with the exception of Winston, who is just SHINING this season. I think they jumped the Nessy thing too fast. I like them together; don't get me wrong. But now that they're already together, they're just bland. They'll have a seemingly big "issue" in almost every episode, and then it's solved by the end of said episode. And Schmidt? He used to be a loveable douche and silly. This season, he's just an arrogant, annoying ass. What the hell have the writers done?!
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Nov 20, 2013
It's an okay ass, for being so little of it, but first class? I don't think so.
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Nov 20, 2013
Winston is the worst character in television history !! Get rid of him and his stupid cat!! Nessy has ruined new girl ! so sad
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Nov 20, 2013
Hamster Lady needs her own show! That has to be one of the most interesting life that was ever lived by a human being. I sooo want to know more about her dark years and her time spent on selling christian t-shirts! Love her! :)
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Nov 20, 2013
Oh...ok...so it was supposed to be the most and not one of the most. Yeah...I'm sleeping right now.

Like...whatever...and stuff.
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Nov 20, 2013
Yeah, something is off.. When this series started I hated it.. it had weird humour and characters were more like caricatures.. but suddenly around half of season one it changed.. and it became my most beloved comedy.. and it stayed that way till season three.. but not anymore..what is going on? It´s not so funny anymore, Coach is boring, Nessy is boring (and I was thrilled about them in season two).. Winston doesn´t have any part in story.. I don´t know..
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Nov 20, 2013
Hm.. I realised it´s maybe because of several reasons: a) because of Nessy we don´t see funny/angry/desperate Nick so much and he was the best b) Cece doesn´t interact with the group.. c) Schmitd is more sad than crazy/doesn´t hitting on women..
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Nov 20, 2013
why would they need to justify coach's presence? he lives in the house with them and is everybody's friend.
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Nov 20, 2013
Everything in fiction needs a purpose or it should be removed in editing.
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Nov 20, 2013
I have the same issue. The season is not bad, but it's not great.. I can't seem to define why. I keep coming back to it because it used to be great but if this had been the first season of a show, I wouldn't have stuck around to this episode.
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Nov 20, 2013
There was a tiny glimmer of hope for this season when Schmidt had sworn to destroy Nick's relationship. That could have been a funny little run through several episode. Instead they killed that story line with a whimper, moved Schmidt out of the apartment and basically dropped a few flaming turd episodes on our doorstep.

The only funny parts left to this show are Schmidt and Winston (well Winston of this season). They should kill off everyone else and bring in a "New Girl" who is actually funny.
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Nov 20, 2013
One-liner of the night: "She's on a flip phone. That means she's either poor or a time traveler." —Schmidt

Actually, as someone who chose a flip phone willingly, and doesn't use it enough to make a zillion-buck-a-month phone plan worth all that cash, I wanted to punch Schmidt. I mean, again.
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Nov 20, 2013
I wanted Coach and Cece to hook up since Coach came back. I think they should stick around as couple for a while and hope they don't break up next week. Its going to be interesting to see Schmidt being tortured like this. It was also kinda sweet that Coach was texting his mom during that date. I think the episode wasn't bad as most people thought it was. Winston and the bus driver lady flirting with each other was hilarious.
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Nov 20, 2013
An ep that starts with Winston saying "Last night when Ferguson and I were in the shower, I had an epiphany" can't be other than hilarious and it was... Winston is weirder by the day and his 'date' with the bus driver was just brilliantly absurd. Schmidt was excellent in his crisis mode but I am still not warming up to Coach who goes from douchebag to pathetic in a millisecond but stays permanently uninteresting
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Nov 20, 2013
I remember being annoyed when coach left New Girl after the Pilot (always annoying), but now I realize he didn't fit anyway...
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Nov 20, 2013
I was sort of befuddled by this whole episode. Last week was kind of uneven to me, so I am very concerned. The do holiday theme episodes well, so hopefully, they get back on track.
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Nov 20, 2013
Worst couple. And Schmidt's drooling over that brown couch, oh boy he was in bad shape. But, maybe this is how show wants Schmidt and Cece to know they are for each others. I know Cece gone through all the drama to be sure she loved Schmidt but he screwed up bad, now he can't get her out of his head, among both girls he is getting more serious about her so, 2 or 3 episodes for Cece and Coach and then perhaps on the way of getting together.
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Nov 20, 2013
This season has not been as good as the others so far. But I actually really enjoyed "Longest Night Ever". I wanted to see less of Ness and more of their friendship dynamics with the others and that's exactly what I got.
I'm pleased.
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Nov 20, 2013
I thought Coach was kinda sweet being all nervous in front of Cece. So nervous that he's perceived as a douche, but i think the writers wrote that fact truthfully cos you gotta admit: these things do happen! So yeah I forgive Coach for behaving that way. He got into second base with her anyway so yeah.
It was funny for the first part, when Schmidt and jess were still in the loft and when Schmidt tries to get the date off of his head. But it began to be sad when both of them were in the streets and Schmidt is telling Jess that he's still deeply in love with Cece. I dont know who better to be paired with Schmidt after Cece, but I also see a potential between C+C so it's really hard. It's hard for me to decide, what more since it's the writers' job to figure that out. Overall I love this episode. It has fully brought my love for the show back from the criticisms i had for the past two or three episodes before. Thank god!
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Nov 20, 2013
MORE BERTIE!!!!
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Nov 20, 2013
"She has a flip phone, so she's either poor or a time traveller." Best line of the night.
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Nov 20, 2013
Last week I felt like Coach was just another douche to add to the mix. Now I feel like he's there to be MORE of a douche than Schmidt so we forgive him a little. I mean, we can't forgive him for cheating on Cece... Unless she dates an even BIGGER douche! Right? Better the devil you know? Lesser of a douche in comparison? Maybe Coach has given us a reason to back Schmidt again? So... Thanks? Not even sure I believe it tbh.

Also... Struggling as to why Cece has such a case of the Anistons. Surely she wouldn't have this much dating trouble! What chance do the rest of us have?!

Sorry, this took a turn. Back to the ice cream.
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Nov 20, 2013
I really don't know what to think until MaryAnn tells me what to think.
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Nov 20, 2013
Hamster lady for the win!
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Nov 20, 2013
idk there's something about this season that I just don't like (which sucks)...
I found this episode kind of boring actually. I might have to rewatch it but all I can say for now is "meh"
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Nov 20, 2013
I felt the same way.
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