New Girl "Virgins" Review: Real Sex

New Girl S02E23: "Virgins"

Virgins! Ah yes, we've all been one, know one, or are one and have the horror stories to match. New Girl returned tonight after another one of those pesky, too-long hiatuses with tales of sex-related trauma from our pals at the loft. Also life lessons. Also Fat Schmidt. 

He is my sunshine.



JESS

Jess told a meandering story in typical Jess fashion that started at prom night back at the dawn of the new millennium—aww, remember when that was a big deal?—and ended somewhere in her twenties with a sexy firefighter rescuing her from a plastic playground castle nestled next to a corpse before whisking her away to the land of carnal pleasures and street cred.

The road map of Jess's deflowering may have featured several detours and pit stops, but she eventually, uh, reached her destination, and like many of her roommates, her first experience—and everything it took to get there—has had an effect on her adult sex life. The back-and-forth with Nick takes on a whole new meaning! But seriously, if it's going to be four years before those two finally call each other B-friend and G-friend, we're going to have problems, New Girl



CECE

Cece banged Mick Jagger at her senior prom. I agree with the rest of the gang that her story has no place among their tales of horror and woe, but like the others, Cece still feels the ramifications of her first time. In a way, she's at a bit of a disadvantage in her current sex life, aware of what awesome sex should be and more than aware that probably won't get no satisfaction from the virginal Shevrang.



WINSTON


A delightful—and sort of disturbing—flashback to a trip to New York with Nick and his father (Hello, Papa Miller!) revealed that Winston's cherry was popped by a hooker named Mysteria. For years, Winston held onto the belief that Mysteria was not a hooker, and that his first experience was "beautiful," despite Nick's less-than-rosy view of the story, which featured a lady of the night of his very own named Octopussy, and also a crippling fear of being busted by the FBI. 

To this day, Winston swears that he can't perform under pressure, which seemed to be complicating issues with Daisy until he caught some Titanic on the TV screen—the movie that was on TV the night he and Mysteria hooked up. I'm not sure if that's creepy or sweet, but I'm leaning toward creepy... especially given Nick's account of the night.



NICK


Unlike Winston, Nick did not lose his virginity to his designated cherry-picker, which is actually right in line with the Nick we know and love today. After he revealed to his father that he didn't get with "Miss Octopussy," Nick's dad showed his supportive side and told his son that was fine. He'd hired the call girls because he didn't want Nick and Winston to miss out on anything, but if Nick didn't want to do it or didn't feel ready, he had no problem with that.

Nick wouldn't even kiss Jess until they were in the perfect situation to make it mean something. For all of his curmudgeonly, "manly man" hang-ups, Nick keeps proving that he's quite the sensitive guy, with a very developed sense of what makes a relationship good or bad. You kind of have to wonder how he managed to get himself into so many disastrous pairings prior to Jess, though I guess when you compare Late-'90s Nick to 2013 Nick and consider the hilarious mess that College Nick was in between, everything starts to make sense. 

At the funeral of Nick's father, we saw the rest of his family rely on him to do pretty much all of the hard stuff, and the implication was that Nick is/was "the responsible one." The shy, neurotic dude we saw politely (and kind of freaked-out-ed-ly) rejecting the advances of Octopussy reflected that, as did his admission to Jess that when he eventually did lose his virginity, it was relatively average. Everything about his story indicated that he put real thought into the experience, and that he respected the girl who shared it with him.

The stonerific love guru that was College Nick was a guy who'd just managed to get away from the stresses of his family and his con-artist dad, and who floundered with no idea what to do with his new freedom. Currently, Nick is in a sort of transitional period where he's finally starting to find a balance between the two. 



SCHMIDT


Schmidtty seems to be taking his first real steps toward getting over Cece by reconnecting with his college girlfriend, Elizabeth, and this week he revisited the horrific circumstances that surrounded their first time doin' it, not only with each other, but with anyone. Armed with an industrial-size jar of lube and the wise guidance of stoner Nick, Schmidt—who thought he had the room to himself for the night—invited his ladyfriend over to the Love Raft (so named because he fell overboard). Things got sloppy when he used too much of the slippery stuff, and he landed right smack on a shroom-tripping Nick who had finally, finally managed to wrench his magnetic arm away from the metal wall in an effort to escape bearing witness to his roommate's inaugural sexytimes. Yay, shrooms!

Schmidt's obsession with the lube—and later, as an adult, with the Archduke vibrator of terror—seemed to be symptomatic of the faltering self esteem we've seen him suffer from in the past. Despite his douchebaggy ways, Schmidt's combo platter of bravado and vanity is mostly a defense mechanism to hide some sincere self-worth issues. His brief offer to Elizabeth to exclude the Archduke from their undercover endeavors was a big step for Schmidt, but when she opted to invite the Duke to bed after all, the look on his face was clearly one of relief.


All in all, "Virgins" was a fun—and sticky, and oh, so slippery—trip down memory lane for our merry band of love gurus. Cece's cold feet definitely seemed to get a bit colder, though I'm sensing some +1 candidates in Elizabeth and Daisy... unless Cece's ban on Schmidt still stands. Also, how do Jess and Nick fit into the formula? Aren't they a thing yet?


What did you think of "Virgins"?


NOTES


– The only thing missing from Jess's glorious circa-2000 prom look was an array of plastic butterfly hair clips.

– The best part about Nick being a "Daver" in college was how everybody booed it in present day. 

– "I'm sorry I didn't have sex with Miss Octopussy... but I think I really like drinking!" "Well that's great! That's a great start!" Parenting! 

– "Ruh-roh." At least they're not freaking out about it. Yet. 

– Was this a good move or a bad move for the Good Ship Nessy?

– Nice use of period-appropriate music with Lisa Loeb's "Stay (I Missed You)" and Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You."

– One-liner of the night goes to Fat Schmidt: "I got some lubricant. To use on a woman. To increase pleasure."


Comments (57)
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I would just like to say I loved Dylan O'Brien. Also, I didn't imagine that Nick and Jess did the deed, right?
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I need more of Fat Schmidt in New Girl
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Am I right though about the music really not being period appropriate? Both of those songs came out in 1994. Wouldn't that have been a little old for Jess's 2000 prom?
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YAY! They did it!!!
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The second half of this season has been so much better. I pretty much laughed non stop through this episode. Nick Miller FTW :)
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Great episode and review. Usually i am not the biggest fan of Schmidt, but he was great in this one. I love how different old Schmidt and new Schmidt are and for me it begs the question whether old Schmidt in general wasn't just happier as he is now.
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My fave line was Schmidt's reply to Cece saying that she thought she threw the Archduke out the window:
"It only made him stronger"
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The Schmidt-Lube sex scene was so freaking hilarious I loved it!
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I think the whole Nick/Jess thing is way bigger than most people are mentioning. I don't think it was too soon at all because that was really the only other thing they could do to make the relationship not feel like it was stuck or over. The only other thing they could have done is have one or both of them say "I Love You"... but I think that's what the big thing is that the writers are leading up to.
Their issues are not over yet. They both know deep down that they want to end up with each other, but they don't know if the other feels that way and it freaks them out. The next episode will probably have them both freaking out again because sex is that weird thing that both solves nothing and changes everything (point of this episode)
Their reactions at the end were very telling of what was going through their heads. You could see that they both thought it was the right thing to do... until they realized it didn't mean they knew how the other felt and had that blank stare of horror at the ceiling at the same time, then looked back at each other for some reassurance, which they laughed off. They did something really big - that solved nothing. They want to know where they stand with each other, and sex/attraction does not mean a relationship.
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Nick in braces and the breaking high voice killed me. Put what a got a re-watch was 'stop the elevator, pickin' you up now... nope, no talking.' SQUEEE!!!
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Great episode. I liked the teen winston/Nick story the most. Not just because Winston chose to keep believing the hooker was a nurse, but those two as teenagers was hilarious. The braces and bad hair would have been funny. Adding the squeeky voices and mirror images of their personalities was just amazing. teen Winston liked to put on a fake air of manliness just like adult Winston. Teen Nick is a bundle of angst and insecurity just like now. I read some other comments that had people wonder ing why Winston would delude himself for so many years, and I know they haven't gone into it much on the show but he clearly had home issues as a kid. He absolutely thought of Nick's dad as his own father figure, so something was messed up at home, Nick barely thought of his dad as his dad.

The best part of Cece's story, other than the bartender missing the glass while the young hot girl told him she was a virgin, was the scene with Shrivrang. I know they aren't going to end up together, but I am also hoping they don't have a quicky marriage or fling before they crash and burn. Finding out she was going to have problems with conception may have put a fire under her, but I would hate to see them change everything about her.

Love fat Schmidt, but love seeing skinny Schmidt try to be a good boyfriend now without needing to get fat.

I have never seen anyone climb into a windmill at a playground or a mini-putt course, but they keep doing it on tv. I must be hanging out at the wrong playgorunds and mini-putt courses.
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I think I'm finally capable of coherent thought. :)

I love Winston more and more every week. But seriously, how do you NOT figure out over the course of 10+ years, that your first time was with a hooker. But I think that's part of why I love Winston. And he did an awesome job of making his voice sound like a teenager's. I had to double check for a second to make sure it was actually him.

Fat Schmidt might be my favorite though. He is just wonderful. All of the scenes w/ him and College Nick were just hilarious. I loved that you got to hear the present day booing after he admitted to being a Daver. And the scene with the lube. Oh my word. I am so happy I wasn't drinking anything at that point in time. It would have ended badly.

Jess's story was just so Jess. It really fit with everything we know about her. And her and CeCe seeing the boys back in the day was freaking hilarious and I don't understand how that never came up before now. Cause that was priceless.

But oh yes, it finally happened. Although I still think their first kiss was a bit steamier, but maybe that's just me. I love that Nick FINALLY got out of his head for a minute and went after what he wanted. I am not even going to pretend that I think this is going to go perfectly smoothly from here because this is Nick and Jess we're talking about, but I don't feel like this step was rushed.
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omg yes dylan o'brien
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I would almost certainly watch a Fat Schmidt / Stoner Nick spinoff. Those college flashback scenes are always favorites.
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I love it.
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How I waited for this episode, mostly for Dylan o'Brien. I was not disappointed, it was ridiculous and funny. And Dylan was so damn hot and I love his "I might be gay!" when he and Jess were stuck on the castle. Loved the reapparance of Stoned Nick and that his explanations still stand today ("my arm was a magnet"). Winston's and Schmidt's stories were both awful. Nice filler episode, it was enjoyable.
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You know, I love the show. I really do. Admittedly though, I spend most time just staring at that total stud-muffin Jake Johnson. But I'm finding the whole Nick-and-Jess-thing just a little too forced for my taste.
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At first I was like "who is that sexy stranger?" but then a second later I realised it was Stiles and I became instantly less enamoured with him. Why? That's a questions for the philosophers.
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Quick Question: Do you think the No Nail Oath will be brought up again? cuz i dont think they got rid of it.
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Ooooh, that's a good question. I wouldn't be surprised if it came back up. Now I really hope it does.
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Loved this episode and a really nice review! But the one-liner of the night goes easy to Winstons answer to Mysterias question if he is a virgin? Winston "Only my penis baby, only my penis". hahahaha
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I really like past-Jess' hairdo.
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Me tooooo.
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Why didn't you mention Dylan O'brien he was amazing
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I love Dylan O'Brien. He is so adorable and now I am even more excited for Teen Wolf to come back. (Despite its name and network, it is actually very good). But this episode was great. I'm liking the idea of Schmidt with Elizabeth, cause I think he will continue to be just as strange but maybe not such a dick sometimes. But Schmidt' s great either way. Also who the hell came up with the name Octopussy? So strange, but hilarious. And I liked that Nick and Jess just went for it. I don't know what is means for the next episode, but I don't think it is a bad thing.
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I laughed so much!!!!! And loved Dylan O'Brien!!!!
When Nick held the elevator door and that song started, it was the hottest best Nick moment ever!!! Love Nessy!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Could anyone have hoped in the beginning of the show that all 4 characters would be developed so well? New Girl is truly a great comedy.
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Finally!! The awkwardness between Jess and Nick seems to be over?.... Hopefully
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Oh my goodness, I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING. This episode had it all- damn funny stories for each character, and Nick + Jess in the end, done well. THANK YOU NEW GIRL, I've waited so long for you!
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I may be a little biased because I'm in love with this show, but I really loved this episode. I laughed so much with the flashbacks, especially with teen Winston and teen Nick (their voices! Nick's braces! Winston's afro!) and Schmidt's slippery first time. I also enjoyed the contrast between their first times and their current relationships. As much I love Nick/Jess, I think Cece's and Schmidt's situations turned out to be more revealing. For Cece, a woman who has been so confident about her sexuality ever since her first time, to choose not to have sex with her husband-to-be simply reinforces the idea that Shrivang is completely wrong for her. And seeing Schmidt with Elizabeth makes me think that Cece might not be the right girl for him (even more so if you think of the flashback at the bar, in which Cece blatantly ignored the lovely and sweet Fat Schmidt...).
I don't agree that it was "too soon" for Nick and Jess. They've been building up the sexual tension from the pilot! And in real life, they would've probably taken that step a lot sooner. So I think the writers are portraying the development of their relationship rather realistically. And it was nice to see them not freaking out for a change, I think the last scene with them in bed was really sweet. And of course, Nick Miller continues to ruin all men for me...
The one thing I wasn't that into was the writers' decision to have a flashback with all of the characters at the same place, it felt a bit contrived to have all of them so many years ago not only hanging in the same bar but also noticing each other.
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I'm happy to see Jess and Nick get together. I applaud the writers for recognizing that if this thing is going to happen, it needs to happen now. It's a tricky business, and I hope they continue to treat it with respect. Viewers can go on all they want about "courtship," but realistically it doesn't seem applicable in situations like theirs, in which the two parties already know each other really well. When you get together with a close friend--first of all, it's risky because the friendship is something you don't want to lose or jeopardize--it happens all at once. You kiss. There's a spark or there isn't. If there is, sex happens sooner because all the intermediary action has already happened in the friendship.

I've never been a huge fan of *New Girl*'s flashbacks, but this one seemed to work. All of the events, as the reviewer elaborated, helped inform their current characters. As much as I don't want Cece to marry Shevrang--and I suspect that ultimately she won't--I do hope Schmidt takes Elizabeth.

And Dylan O'Brien, please be in everything.
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Yes Dylan O'Brien be in everything.
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I agree with some other commenters that it was too soon for Jess and Nick to interlock their parts. I'm sorry, but I miss the days when a teased couple got together but that was far from the end of the story, since premarital sex didn't happen on TV. Instead the relationship was built higher and higher until the moment they married, and at that point, the first sex was an EVENT. KA-BOOM!

I remember when Luke and Lorelai got together so many years ago. It was an amazing moment when they finally kissed. Then---nothing. They jumped right into bed and it was the most anticlimactic thing ever. Gilmore Girls could have done well with some old-fashioned courtship.
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Although I really groaned at their mockery of equal rights and asking permission (holy shoot, asking if it's okay isn't sexxxy?? real men should not care about that sort of girly thing???) and also some of their excessive fat jokes, this was a pretty good episode. I wish I could have seen some of Nick's, to be honest. Jess's didn't super seem like her, but it did lead to her and Nick finally getting together. I've seen the whole "she just wants him to take her, he just needs to man up and do her" a lot of times... I ship "Nessy" but meh.

My reaction as a whole was pretty positive, but those were the bits that stuck in my teeth.
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Let me start by saying I just created my account today, but this website is like crack to me... I mean, I've never had crack so I'm guessing this is what it feels like. Seriously, I've never had it. I just wanted to let all the TV.com writers and members know that you guys make my day!

Moving on, I loved the episode. Then again, I love pretty much every episode of New Girl. The writers really know how to pace the story and build the characters SO WELL. I love all the addition of responsible Nick and how we saw it in the flashback. "I had to lay off a lot of really good men today at work".

Also, the end seemed like Nick and Jess had a "omg what have we done" vibe face. Idk, I could have read into that wrong.

And adding to the appropriate music, I love Ellie Goulding and the her song meshed in to the end really nicely

Highlights of the Episode:
- STILES!!! I love Teen Wolf and now I miss it :(

- The entire Nick/Schmidt/Elizabeth lube scene. Omg, I fell off my chair laughing.

- Nick "Sometimes I hide in the stall and listen to what you guys are saying."
The guys: "Makes sense."

- Schmidt: "Do you sell cookies. It's not a cookie bar."

- Winston: "He's a virgin."
Mysteria: " Arent you a virgin, too?"
Winston: "Just my penis, baby. Just my penis"
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Welcome to the TV.com community! (TV.com: It's just as addictive as crack, but, you know, without the homelessness and death.... most of the time.)

I would teach you our secret handshake, but we don't have one. I tried to get a brainstorming session going, but Tim Surette said a secret handshake was implausible since TV.com is an online membership. Thanks again for killing my dreams, Tim!
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Well, there /is/ the secret "tubalcain" word. (I hope Mr. Jimmy James sees this.)
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soooo it was an alright episode for me..... Loved seeing Stiles though!

Also MaryAnn don't think your "Satisfaction" pun went unnoticed! You so clever! ;)
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This episode was hilarious, each story was amazing and as you analized, it show a lot of psychological background on each character.
Also, Nick and Jess! Do I need to say more?
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BEST EPISODE! I think I might have snarfed Dr. Pepper up my nose and broken a rib laughing.

"They were business women!"
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Stiles!
That is all...
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Hilarious episode. I was hoping for a GIF of Schmidt doing the little "Penis Vagina" hand dance and Yes you do have my permission to do so. I'm still not on board with Jess and Nick, but it looks like they're going to anyways. I wish Schmidt and Cece would get together again though because their vanity and banter are hilarious. I will say having sex as a virgin with a rock star while eating bacon is in fact, a Game Changer!
Nick: "I don't want any trouble, I think you're a remarkable little creature"
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"Not a cookie bar" was my favorite line!

Also, that age-old sitcom thing of having main characters meet in flashbacks when they didn't know each other. Ugh.
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I think it's the best thing when characters met before-hand. I loved Cece's "They are definitely singles".
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That was prob my fav. scene. Schmidt was so cute in it. Also was surprised that CeCe didn't totally shut him down when he walked up to her. She only turned away after he asked her if she liked dvds (?)
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GAH!!!! I'll add more later when I can be a little more coherent and not obsessively rewinding and rewatching........
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overall I thought it was a good episode, I cant really think of anything that I found wrong with it. The only thing I didn't like was that the promos for this episode kind of gave away the ending :( so I really didn't feel any impact with them getting together.
Wait one thing did bug me and is was that no one corrected Schmidt when he yelled out Beatlemania, cuz Jaggers from the Rolling Stones
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Yeah I wan completely confused by that... At first I thought he was doing it in a jealous way like how Nick was acting in the beginning saying The Beatles were better than the Stones but I have no clue.
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I didn't see the promos but even so I think it might have been more effective to end it with them leaving the elevator. I was with it up to that point, the final scene...meh.
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Minor correction, it should be: "I cried, she kept her bra on."
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That ellie goulding song at the end was perfect!! very funny episode!
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When Nick and Jess happened, I was surprised how little I wanted it to happen. I have loved how the writers have been handling them, it always keeps me on my toes, and it's possible next week they'll surprise me again. But this inevitable conclusion just didn't feel fresh to me. (Although I concede they looks on their faces after the deed were adorable). Maybe because it was inevitable? I just with their relationship-foreplay could have gone on forever.
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I thought the same thing... I feel its too soon! :(
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Line of the night. "Aren't you a virgin too?" "Only my penis, only my penis"
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YES!!!!
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"Ruh Roh"
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To be honest I was just really upset anytime that episode moved away from Dylan O'Brien. That man is very distracting.
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