YOUR MOVE, CBS
... I don't know how this meeting actually went down, but this is how I imagine it:
NBC Exec #1: "ABC has Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Fox is doing Gotham. We need a comic book series! We don't want to be left behind."
NBC Exec #2: "Left behind? Behind what? The CW?"
NBC Exec #1: "You're fired. Also, what was that comic book movie starring Keanu Reeves and Shia LaBeouf? Constantine? Let's do that one!"
Everyone else in the room: *blank stares*
Random mumbler: "You forgot Tilda Swinton."
NBC Exec #1: "Sweet, it's settled then." [Zap2It]
... The growing trend of remaking foreign TV shows instead of coming up with new ideas continues; A&E has secured the rights to the French supernatural drama Les Revenants (which translates to The Returned). The series is set in a small town where people start coming back from the dead without having aged at all, and with no recollection of actually dying. There's a rumor that Carlton Cuse (Lost, Bates Motel) is in talks to adapt the project. BUT, if this sounds familiar, perhaps it's because Sundance Channel recently acquired the rights to broadcast the original series, which will air in the U.S. beginning October 31 at 9pm. [Deadline]
... Sticking with the dead theme, TLC's new series Best Funeral Ever (yep, that's right, folks!) will premiere Wednesday, October 23 at 10pm. The series follows the Dallas-based Golden Gate Funeral Home as it prepares the most outrageous funerals ever. And by the way, they don't call them funerals, they call them "home-going celebrations." Now I'm just imagining what Six Feet Under would have been like as a reality show. [TLC via press release]
... A musical version of The Love Boat is charting a course to Las Vegas and is scheduled to dock sometime in 2014. The Love Boats will feature popular songs from the years the show was on the air—1977 to 1986—and promises to bring back some of the risqué details that were original to the book that eventually launched the series. I don't know why I'm telling you any of this, but hey, if you care about it, you only have to wait somewhere between three and 15 months to see it! [Variety]
... Hey everyone in Indianapolis! What's up? If you like Parks and Recreation, you might consider making a trek to Lucas Oil Stadium next week to chance a glance at some of the cast members. Amy Poehler, Aziz, Ansari, Adam Scott, Nick Offerman, Jim O’Heir and everyone's favorite Twitter recapper Retta will be there to film an upcoming episode. [Indianapolis Star]
... The Big Bang Theory returned last night to its biggest ratings ever. 20.44 million viewers tuned in for the Season 7 premiere. That means 20.44 million of you guys were not watching Parks and Recreation. And that means I'm very sad. [CBS via press release]
... Get out your day planners, folks, truTV announced a slew of new premiere dates today. Ready? Impractical Jokers will return October 24 with a performance by Imagine Dragons. South Beach Tow will launch its third season on October 30. Storage Hunters is back on November 5, Guinness World Records Unleashed starts November 7, and World's Dumbest… re-joins the lineup on November 10. The network's new competition series Panic Button, which features contestants facing their worst fears in a haunted house, debuts on December 5, a few days after Full Throttle Saloon Season 5 (December 2) and a couple weeks before Lizard Lick Towing Season 4 and Hardcore Pawn Season 8 close out the year on December 16 and 17, respectively. [truTV via press release]
... Damon Wayans Jr. is teaming up with Fox for his next project. Man/Child is about two single dads who move in together and struggle to strike a balance being a responsible adult and living a life of debauchery. I don't know, that kind of sounds like literally every guy I know, even the ones without children. [Variety]
... Scott Wolf is heading to NBC's midseason drama The Night Shift as a day shift trauma surgeon engaged to Jill Flint's doctor character. Wait... if she's on the night shift and he's on the day shift, how does that relationship work? Nevermind. Sounds perfect. [EW]
... Laura Benanti, who can next be seen on NBC's upcoming live Sound of Music special, is dropping by Elementary! She'll play a nanny who quickly becomes the main suspect in her employer's death. If her employer on the show is NBC's Go On, then she's probably guilty. J/K! Benanti is awesome and definitely not the reason that series failed. It failed because it wasn't any good. J/K again. (Sort of.) [TV Line]
... Hey, Game of Thrones book fans, the role of Hizdahr zo Loraq has finally been cast for the upcoming fourth season of the TV show. This means nothing to those of us who are still trying to finish Book 1, but the role has gone to British actor Joel Fry (10,000 BC). Hizdahr plays a role in Daenerys Targaryen's story. (P.S. Someone please make me a flow chart for this entire series, please.) [EW]
... David Milch's new project, The Money, has scored another big-name actor in Nathan Lane. He'll join Brendan Gleeson in the series about an American media mogul's dynastic family, playing Gordon McCarren, a reporter for the New York Herald who hasn't had a byline in weeks and is desperate for a good story to come along. [Deadline]
Andy Dwyer's doing some teaching and stuff while hanging out in the U.K. Watch him talk about Stonehenge and the other Seven Wonders of the World (including R2D2). [EW]