In the Season 1 finale of Once Upon a Time, we saw a purple cloud swallow up Storybrooke just as the inhabitants remembered their pre-existing lives as fairies, princesses, and werewolves. Remembering their true pasts will be a big upgrade for some, but for others it will be a huge inconvenience. ("Oh right, I ate my boyfriend that one time." —Ruby) The individual battle for a cohesive personal identity will be fought alongside the larger war between good and evil that will be unleashed now Mr. Gold has returned magic powers to the frumpy denizens of this small Maine town, and one of the battlefields for both those struggles will be people's hair and clothes.
So join me while I use my very entry-level Photoshop skills to mock up some makeovers for our Storybrooke characters now that their memories—and their magic—has been restored.
I CANNOT WAIT for the fairies'—the Blue Fairy and the Seriously Stupid Fairy—real personalities to start manifesting. As one of the more potent forces for good, if magic indeed comes back into Storybrooke the fairies will be large and in charge and looking very silly. I mean, let's be real: The fairies back in the fairy-tale world looked like strippers as styled by Lisa Frank, and while I'm not sure if having their memories suppressed will affect their monastic vows, I have no doubt they are going to be giving the nun dress code the old heave-ho and slathering themselves in body glitter and hair jewels and glitter tattoos and everything else a dizzy 14-year-old would pick up at a Wal-Mart a week before the Big Dance. Consistency, Kitsis and Horowitz! These ladies better have fake eyelashes and glow-in-the-dark nail polish in Season 2!
Now that he's got his lady, his magic, and his hair straightener back, it would seem that Mr. Gold has it all. Or will the return of magic come at the cost of Belle? Would Belle and Rumple's kiss of true love be the one thing that could break this new spell, which is based in true love? I hope not, but if that is the case, then can't Belle just kiss him everywhere BUT his mouth? I'm going to assume the purple cloud WON'T change Mr. Gold back into his former self, looking like a reptile who crawled through some body glitter, because then wouldn't the feds get involved? (Although hopefully some form of state news covers the purple cloud. China's Yangtze River going red did make international headlines.)
I personally am looking forward to a Dexter-like arc where Ruby uses her werewolf transitioning, returned by Mr. Gold’s magic, to take out enemies of Snow’s family. And then, eventually, people who piss her off or smell tasty (do not wear vanilla body spray in Storybrooke). I see a lot of red plaids for her (they hide bloodstains well), a more nude makeup scheme (wolves look stupid in cat-eye liner), and blood all up in her mouth:
Mary Margaret was enough of a chump to get strung along by David Nolan, framed by Regina, and keep the top pearl buttons buttoned on her numerous beige cardigans. We saw Mary and David embrace as their better selves, Snow and Charming, before the cloud hit, and of course we want to know how are they going to deal with their grizzled, grizzled daughter and all her problems. Luckily, Snow White is an ass-kicking, blood-lusty woman who may know how to “reach” troubled bounty-hunter Emma. But, much like Emma, even when she acted tough Snow LOOOVED her some extensions. She also jazzed up her active wear with crushed velvet cowls, and shameless real fur accents. Hopefully Mary Margaret will tap into Snow's bad-assery enough to weaponize and defend her super-awkward new family.
Charming was never a prince, he was a shaggy-headed shepherd who got swapped in for a speared Prince. So for him I predict a return to woolen sweaters, the reemergence of his curly fro (see the Season 1 episode "The Shephard" for evidence), and definitely Birkenstock clogs (not pictured). This low-key cozy-man lifestyle fits in better with how David's acted during Season 1: like a total scrub, cowardly stringing along a wife and mistress and occasionally going for stoned walks in the woods. (Remember when Mary Margaret kept finding him just standing all Blair Witch in the wilderness after Cathryn went missing? Did he come across the pot patch Mr. Gold's been growing out there? Who knows.) I'd be totally delighted if he regained the courage and swagger he had as Charming, but I cannot allow that kind of hope.
Emma has a lot on her hands: She brought her child back to life with a single kiss, and now she may have to face parents her same age, one of whom used to be her nerdy roommate. Obviously she'll be the main target of Regina, and I'd assume Emma is now Henry's de facto guardian. With all this going on, Emma has no choice but to cut her hair. Seriously, she has been carrying around a thatch of twenty pounds' worth of matted blonde sausage curls like she's Mary Pickford or something. It's time for a tasteful pageboy or a nice A-line. In fact, here's a range of styles of medium to short length hair that will look great on Emma:
Well, cat's out of the bag. Everyone knows you're evil, even your own son, and that you're responsible for everyone’s damp and miserable and boring lives. You can no longer fool anyone into thinking you’re a sleek, sensible, single-mom mayor, 'cuz everyone knows you’re just a psychopathic EVIL WITCH. So OWN it, baby, own it, that's the only way to go. We've seen Regina in crazy bangs and pilgrim hats and leather ball gowns in flashbacks, and with the variety of synthetic materials available here on Earth she has no excuse for not becoming the Lady Gaga of Storybrooke. The best defense is a good offense and a bewildering plastic ball gown is one hell of an offense, on the senses and otherwise. Who knows what Regina will do with magic in the real world, but if she really wanted to she could at least get a single on the charts.
Am I obsessing too much? I might be, but let me know who I missed and what changes you think they’re going to be making going into Season 2!
– So how do you think the characters of Storybrooke will change now that they’ve got their memories and magic back?
– Who do you think might be disappointed about getting their magic back?
– What will happen with Rumple and Belle? Will Mr. Gold stay looking human or will using magic cost him his dreamboat looks?
– Snow and Charming and Emma and Henry: super-awkward family nights or better late than never?
Once Upon a Time Season 2 premieres this Sunday, September 30 at 8pm on ABC.