Open Caption: Louis C.K. Returns to Parks and Recreation

Admittedly, some of your comments from yesterday's Open Caption made me blush. Well played, everyone! It was a tough call, but three of you managed to come out on top. Pun intended. Oh, and before I forget, make sure to check out our new Open Caption board on Pinterest, where we'll be posting all the winning captioned photos. See them all in once place! And now, here are the winners from yesterday's contest:.


From qbe_64:
Aaron: "Impressive, I didn't feel a thing."


From Geek_Queen:
Aaron: "Uh, Miss, we only take American Express."


From ben45tpy:
Aaron: No, I'm still going to need a photo ID.


UPDATE Whoops! As it turns out, Parks and Recreation isn't airing tonight, and the Louis C.K. episode is actually scheduled for next week, on February 16. Apologies for getting your hopes up! We're going to stick with the picture for today's contest, in part because we've already gathered so many great submissions, and in part because we're feeling masochistic. Thanks for understanding!

Today's Image: Parks and Recreation

In tonight's episode of Parks and Rec, "Dave Returns," um, well, Dave returns. And in case you've forgotten, Dave is played by Louis C.K. And we love Louis C.K. as Dave! So let's rejoice by guessing the awkward conversation topics Leslie (Amy Poehler), Ben (Adam Scott), and Leslie's ex, Dave, are discussing in the image below. Post your best caption ideas in the comments!

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"Did you know Dane Cook stole all of my jokes?"
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Dave: "Leslie, why are you talking to the chair? Can't you see that my wife's standing right beside you?"



Leslie (thinking): "I can't believe he's moved on and found somebody new, already. Sure, she's invisible, but who am I to question true love?"
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Leslie: "Geez, I'm so good at picking the perfect spot at a park for picnic. I am so good at choosing the most appropriate font for a PowerPoint presentation. And yet my taste in men is sooo tragic."
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Dave: As an Army Reservist, I have to clean a lot of commodes. A LOT of commodes. I try to only use *this* hand for unclogging them. This is delicious, Leslie! You should try it! (shoving a canape in her mouth with his right hand)
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I framed those cards over there.
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So... have you traveled to the Whiz Palace lately?
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The orange wine dinner
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6 seasons and movie!!!
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Louis: "......so I figured if NBC doesn't give a crap about you guys, why not come over to FX? The guys from Community are already on board. I say let the NBC execs jump up their own asses.
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Louis C.K. : this is sucks guys , i can't say my favorite word on national television !

Amy Poehler : What is it ?

Louis C.K. : C***

Amy Poehler : i didn't catch that !

Louis C.K. : C*** ! apparently i cant say it on TV.com Too !
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Dave: So I leave for one season, and now you're dating this...bag of dicks??
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Look Leslie, I'm not gonna tell you how to run your parks but I believe you would attract more people if you had a Terra Nova exhibit.
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Leslie, I need a clear answer. If I get the rasberry cheesecake will you have some?
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I just made a bunch of money with my special, why do I have to put up with this s***?
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Dave: "I'm not supposed to be here right now... I'll come back next week."





Dave: "And that is when I found out Leslie is hardcore into S&M. Now one nipple is larger than the other."

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Dave: "...and okay now you're dating her, this nice, sweet, um beautiful blonde woman Leslie who I used to like to, um, kiss and be around, you know... you two must be really happy... *siiigh* aw sh*t my life is sh*t this is unbelievable I hate everything, everyone in my life is such a f*ckin' bunch of douchey a**holes, I hate my daughters, my ex-wife is up my a** again, J*** Ch***. Why me, really, why me? You two have fun, I'm just going to go home, fill up a bowl of really fatty ice cream, put on some 80's police officer porn and masturbate until I either pass out or die in my own disgusting filth... f*ck me."
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Yeah, this episode is scheduled for the 16th. Not tonight. =(
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Dave: What do you mean they don't serve doughnuts for dessert? What is a cop supposed to do now?
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There is no episode of Parks and Rec tonight. Dave Returns is scheduled for next week.
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You are so correct and this is very depressing to hear! We've updated the information in the story above so as not to confuse anyone else. Thanks!
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Dave: "I told you I can't go anywhere further than 20 minutes from my bathroom."
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Dave: "You have my full support as a person, and the two of you as a couple. But I cannot offer my support or that of the force. We need you too much fixing the parks of this town. Recreation is important to this city, and we feel you can do more where you are than on the city council. I'm sorry."
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Dave: On one hand, I'm flattered.

But on the other, I only do two V's one D threesomes.
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I love timely references! :)
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Leslie: I'm just gonna smile and nod and pretend that I care the slightest about what you're saying.
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