Look, we're not here to B.S. you. The summer television season is looking skinnier than Calista Flockheart after a 24-course dinner of laxatives. But we do love anticipated shows lists, so we've put together this itemized memorandum featuring the new summer shows we're most looking forward to... even if they're just placeholders to keep us busy until fall rolls around. And with that inspiring introduction, here are our most(ly) anticipated shows of summer 2012!
10. Saving Hope (NBC)
When it's on: Thursdays at starting June 7
Who's in it: Erica Durance, Michael Shanks, Daniel Gillies, and other fine actors from the Canadian wilderness.
What it's about: This cross-border co-production between America and Canada continues the trend of medical dramas trying to incorporate ghosts in some way. But this one is different! When a super-hot male surgeon ends up in a coma, his "spirit" (or ghost if you don't care for technicalities) roams the hospital. In real-life world, the surgeon's hot fiancee and another sexy man doctor race to save his life! Valuable life lessons will be learned. Death lessons, too.
9. The Choice (Fox)
When it's on: Thursdays starting June 7
Who's in it: Pauly D, some football players, Joe Jonas, Carmen Electra, and a bunch of other people you won't remember in five years.
What it's about: This dating show rip-off of The Voice features male faux-lebrities choosing women to court based solely on the sound of their voice and the disgusting sexual innuendo of their simple-minded words. And just to prove that men can be just as desperate, the roles will be swapped after a few episodes. This is going to be a complete train wreck and is our top pick for "guilty pleasure that will last three episodes." It's cool to anticipate total failure, right?
8. Political Animals (USA)
When it's on: Sundays starting July 15
Who's in it: Sigourney Weaver, Carla Gugino, James Wolk, Sebastian Stan, Adrian Pasdar, Ciaran Hinds, and other actors who only wanted to commit to six episodes.
What it's about: This six-part miniseries from Greg Berlanti (Dirty Sexy Money) follows the wife of a former U.S. president as she holds the post of secretary of state. In addition to taking care of whatever responsibilities the secretary of state has, she also has to deal with her family, her family's image, and the tainted legacy her husband left behind. No, her name is not Hillary Clinton.
7. Perception (TNT)
When it's on: Mondays starting July 9
Who's in it: Eric McCormack, Rachael Leigh Cook, Jamie Bamber, and LeVar Burton!
What it's about: A smart neuroscientist works with the FBI to solve tough cases! But he's also weird and suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, which drowns his career and personal relationships with a total bummer shower. One day, television will write a procedural about a well-adjusted person of average intelligence who solves cases by following the rules. This is not one of those days.
6. Dallas (TNT)
When it's on: Wednesdays starting June 13
Who's in it: Josh Henderson, Jesse Metcalfe, and Jordana Brewster as the hot new Ewings; Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, and Patrick Duffy as the old crusty Ewings.
What it's about: You know how your grandma used to go on and on about how television won't ever be as good as it was back when her Dallas stories were on? Well now you can watch her sad face as her old favorite show is modernized and destroyed! Dallas follows the wealthy Ewing family of South Fork Ranch as they argue with each other and [SPOILER] have incredibly elaborate dreams that last an entire season.
5. Anger Management (FX)
When it's on: Thursdays starting June 28
Who's in it: Some guy named Charlie Sheen, some girl named Selma Blair, and an assortment of frightened actors and actresses.
What it's about: Sheen's return to television appropriately sees him playing a total jerk in this adaptation of the movie of the same name. A former ballplayer with a promising career that was derailed by anger issues, a guy named Charlie (clever) goes back to school to become an anger management therapist himself. Only in a comedy, folks!
4. Longmire (A&E;)
When it's on: Sundays starting June 3
Who's in it: Robert Taylor,
Starbuck Katee Sackhoff, Lou Diamond Phillips, Wyoming.
What it's about: This modern-day, Westernized drama is based on the Walt Longmire Mystery series of novels, and follows a small-town sheriff who's rebuilding his life after divorce. He's got mysteries to solve, a young upstart looking to take his job, and a new hotshot deputy from Philly to deal with, and he has to do it all while looking tough. Think of a more serious Justified in 20 years.
3. Inside Men (BBC America)
When it's on: Wednesdays at 10pm starting June 20
Who's in it: Steven Mackintosh, Ashley Walters, and Warren Brown.
What it's about: This four-episode miniseries already aired in the U.K., but it's coming to American shores via BBC America. It's about a violent bank heist and will be told from multiple perspectives as it digs up the motivation of the robbers and provides plenty of twists and turns along the way. In other words, it's The Nine but without the abrupt ending due to cancellation.
2. Comedy Bang! Bang!/Bunk (IFC)
When they're on: Fridays starting June 8
Who's in it: Comedians! Funny ones, too!
What it's about: Comedy Bang! Bang! is a fake talk-show with awesome LSD moments and really funny skits, the other is Bunk. Just kidding, Bunk, is pretty great too! Former Mr. Show writer Scott Aukerman hosts the delightfully weird Comedy Bang! Bang!, which defies description but does feature Amy Poehler on the couch in the pilot. Bunk is a unique improv game show with a twisted sense of humor that swaps countdown clocks for interns searching for razorblades in a bucket of broken glass! If that sounds dangerous to you, don't worry, they're not REALLY interns.
1. The Newsroom (HBO)
When it's on: Sundays starting June 24
Who's in it: Jeff Daniels, Emily Mortimer, Dev Patel, Olivia Munn, Jane Fonda, Sam Waterston.
What it's about: First you should know that Aaron Sorkin wrote this, so it's sure to have his trademark rants and grandstanding and all that stuff we love about the guy. But instead of being set behind the scenes of a sports cable show or the White House or the Harvard dorm room of Mark Zuckerberg, this one takes place at a 24-hour cable news network and centers on an anchor who is sick of coddling the news. Tailor made for Sorkin and HBO.
Okay, it's your turn! Which new shows are you most looking forward to this summer?