Glee’s super-saccharine Christmas episode has come and gone—and while it didn’t contain as many Hanukkah mentions as I had hoped, it did prop up Artie (Kevin McHale) on two legs. Hearing k.d. lang sing “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” was a nice touch, too. But other than that, nothing really happened. So, to continue last week's discussion of the weird, unfamiliar turn that Glee has taken this season, I’d like to offer these suggested New Year's resolutions to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, the show’s three-headed creative beast. Maybe they can surprise us two months from now by resurrecting the show we once loved.
1. Choose more songs that advance the plot.
Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine’s (Darren Criss) duet of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was the highlight of “A Very Glee Christmas”—and a rare example of performance matching plot. Their voices blended harmoniously, the chemistry between them was undeniable, and the simple choreography played to Kurt’s coy hesitance and Blaine’s flirty confidence. Of course, it helps that Darren Criss could probably charm a cardboard box, but it's perfect song choices like these that give us goosebumps.
2. Speaking of Kurt, give him more reasons to smile.
Kurt’s had a rough time these past two seasons—he fell in love with a straight guy, his dad had a heart attack, and all along he’s had to deal with the violent advances of a closeted bully. Here’s hoping his transfer to Dalton Academy actually gives him the happiness he wants and deserves.
3. Cut down on the contrived dialogue between Finn (Cory Monteith) and Rachel (Lea Michele).
They’re so much fun to watch when they’re singing—but as soon as the music stops, I have to fight the urge to reach for my earplugs. I’ve never heard teenagers, or anyone else for that matter, carry on such uncomfortably over-dramatic emotional conversations.
4. Give Sam (Chord Overstreet) and Quinn (Dianna Agron) more screen time.
Who cares about those whiny brunettes, anyway? These days, it’s all about the chemistry between the blonde power couple. While their voices aren’t as powerful as Finn and Rachel’s, Sam and Quinn definitely sound fantastic together, and their conversations are much more hilarious and interesting. And Avatar-related.
6. Develop the relationship between Puck (Mark Salling) and Santana (Naya Rivera), too.
I’m not saying they need to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but there’s definitely more between them than just sex. Shouldn’t they discuss that more?
7. Give Mercedes (Amber Riley) a boyfriend, already.
Ordinarily I’d be against pairing up all of the show's characters, but this girl’s life just seems lonely. The only storylines she’s had so far have dealt with her weight, her ego, and her gay crush.
9. Annul Sue’s (Jane Lynch) marriage to herself.
That was stupid.
10. Do whatever you have to do to get Artie to dance more.
Drugs, hallucinations, dream sequences, even that crazy contraption he wore last night. Whatever it is, just do it. Artie is a fantastic character, but Kevin McHale’s talent is wasted in that chair.
What did you think of “A Very Glee Christmas”? And what do you hope to see from Glee when the show returns in February?