Parks and Recreation: Let's All Predict the Tenets of the Swanson Pyramid of Child-rearing!

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It's time to start stocking up on cigars, because Ron Swanson is gonna be a dad. Which, as Nick pointed out his review of last night's Parks and Rec finale, raises a number of burning questions:

Will the Swanson baby come out with a powerful mustache, male or female? Will s/he demand a fine scotch rather than settling for mother's milk? Will the Swanson baby have an unhealthy genetic predisposition for classmates named Tammy? Are there enough bacon and eggs in Pawnee? How old will the Swanson baby be when s/he builds baby's first canoe? Will a Swanson baby even lower itself to being fed strained peas?

But now we've got one more: We've seen hints of what kind of parent Ron will be during his interactions with Diane's two daughters, but with an infant now on the way, surely he'll have strong opinions on how to best deal with:

Diapers (Might the "Torso" rule of "Should be thick and impenetrable" apply?)   

Crying

Breast milk / Breastfeeding

Teething

Burping

Attire

Tiny luxury footwear (Probably: "Avoid it.")

Baby-grooming

Dolls 

Playdates

Vaccines 

Pacifiers

Thumb-sucking

Naptime

Potty-training

Toys (Perhaps: "Should be whittled by hand from salvaged hardwood.")

Saying "No"

Blankies

Wood Working (Our guess: "Training should begin at age 2.")

And more!

So we thought we could all work together to compile the likely tenets of everyone's favorite mustachioed, Libertarian father-to-be. Leave your best guesses in the comments.

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