Television represents a cross-section of the real world, and a cold hard fact about the real world is that some people suck and they're just not worth your time. We're normally an agreeable lot, but sometimes we just can't help but point out the worst in people... so we've put together a short list of new characters from the fall TV season that we plain don't like, as a companion piece to our recent compilation of all the new characters we love.
Please note that just because we don't like the following characters doesn't mean we don't like actors who portray them; in fact, we love a lot of their past work. But their current on-screen personas are terrible, and they either need to get the F out or get to changin'. You know?
The bland center of this bland (and now-canceled) show is bland blonde Jane, a character with as much depth as a bowl of soup. Her days consist of snooping around places she shouldn't be snooping around, and her nights consist of dreaming that she's snooping around places she shouldn't be snooping around... while shoeless. A strong central character might have saved this show from being an exercise in pain tolerance, but instead it went the Jane-eric route. Okay come to think of it, everyone on this show is boring except the grumpy concierge.
Nana is the worst. She's obviously just there to serve as a mouthpiece for the polar opposite of Ryan Murphy's views, and the result is a springboard from which bigotry and conservatism can leap so that Murphy can skeet-shoot it out of the sky and then raise his own arms in triumph. Make no mistake, it's the only reason she's on the show, and it's so transparent it hurts. Also, former sex symbol Barkin as a grandmother makes us realize how old we are.
This whole thing is all your fault, Danny! All of it! You wouldn't put the crossbow down and let your father go quietly with the Militia. Then you got captured and we had to endure 10 hours' worth of Charlie and Miles chasing you down. And all this time you haven't done one thing worthwhile. You're just a bag of post-teen pre-man hunk with a whispery rasp and tumbling boy-band coif. It should have been you instead of Maggie, Danny. It should have been you.
We like Nat Faxon. Really, we do. The faces, the teeth, the stammering and yammering, no problem. It all works. In doses. But when it's up in our grill there's something extremely punch-in-the-face about his character, Ben, that sometimes makes us want to punch him in the face. Tone it down, stop running a joke into the ground, and you'll be okay Ben.
You know, at first, Kitty was a good time—ruthlessly mean, like an early Quinn or a vintage Sue. But at least those two characters had reasons for the rudeness, not to mention the occasional redemptive moment of compassion. Kitty is just plain mean, and once she started her campaign to turn rival Marley bulimic, she crossed the line from "mindlessly fun evil" to "needs psychological counseling."
Oh, Charlie. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
Cathy Chandler is the toughest most adorable hard-nosed detective whose cheeks we just want to pinch. Vincent is a not-so-horribly disfigured government experiment who likes to save hot damsels. Their two lives were forced together with all the power of the Hadron Collider, and the love they've formed is something off the jacket blurb for a young adult book. Beauty, meet Beast, and have beautiful beastly babies.
Michael Urie is one talented dude, so it was extra painful to see the openly gay actor pedal backward and reinforce homosexual stereotypes with the character of Louis. Louis was a character whose description was probably drafted in the writers room as "really, really gay" and then never revisited. Oddly enough, MORE really gay characters on the show might have helped—Louis's boyfriend Wyatt was not the flamboyant type, leaving Louis the task of reminding viewers that the show featured gay men. And how would they know if he wasn't super over-the-top stereotypical?
Cash is TV's latest dumbo horny teen male, and in a cast full of ridiculous "types," he stands out even more than Lily Tomlin's pot-smoking grandma. This is a terrible character who doesn't even try.
On a show full of awful characters like Gossip Girl, it takes some kind of true skill to show up and instantly be unlikable. Sage, the high school troublemaker intended to remind Blair and Serena of how horrible they were (/still are)—presumably to show how "far" they have come—is one of the more annoying characters in the show's history. Sure, she's catty, immature, and legitimately mean in the way most of the Gossip Girl's characters are, but without any of the redeeming traits Blair and Serena had initially. But that's okay, because Gossip Girl's writers are so out of their minds in this final season that Sage fits in perfectly.
One of the most misguided storylines of the season—Kalinda and Nick's puzzling relationship—totally threw one of television's most respected dramas way off course with the introduction of this character. But Nick's greatest crime was taking the time of one of our favorite characters, Kalinda, with rough sex and abuse. This plot was hated by everyone; the show's producers quickly realized their mistake, apologized, and wrote it out. This isn't a diss on Warren, who was actually good in the role, but the storyling was an attempt at drama that just didn't work and it was all because of Nick.
Now get to clicking on your least favorite characters, and if you have some suggestions of your own, put 'em in the comments. The nominations with the most "thumbs up" votes from the rest of you will be added to the poll!