Broadway and fashion: They go together like Liza and Halston. (Ask your gay uncle.) But sadly, this episode of Project Runway All Stars, in which the contestants were asked to design a costume for a production of Godspell, frankly left me a little cold. Why? Because there was no show! Just an empty theater, a Hobbit-sized composer, and an actress in need of a dress. The challenge was for the designers to create an outfit for a gaudy, rich woman, made up of separates you might find in a thrift store.
At Mood, Kara yanked out a roll of bright, red fabric and said she was going to “wow thim with a pap of calah.” She’s always wowing us with paps of calah. Jerrell couldn't stop saying the word “lame.” (There’s an accent on that e; it doesn’t rhyme with “game.”) Mondo was excited to mix and match fabrics and basically be extremely competent, redeeming himself after last week’s runway crying fit. Austin was just happy to be able to make another grandma dress out of chesterfield upholstery. Kenley heard the word “vintage” in the challenge presentation, and ignored all the parts about “rich, gaudy, ostentatious,” designing a sassy, pattern-matchy thriftstore ensemble. Very Kenley, not very Godspell. Mila had her b-face on and was complaining that Kenley and Kara were being too nice to each other. I have no idea what Michael was up to this week; he was edited out for time. Jerrell was keeping his look under wraps, but as we later found out, that thing should have been buried eight feet underground.
Joanna sauntered into the workroom and destroyed each and every designer with withering contempt camouflaged beneath words of encouragement. Taking it particularly hard was Kara, who hoped to wow Joanna with the pap of calah in a maxi skuht, but Joanna wasn’t wowed by the maxi skuht: “I think this isn’t necessarily as ambitious as you need to be to be an All Star.” Kara didn’t take that too well, and cried for the 11,768th time this season. Mila, meanwhile, has begun talking about herself in the third-person. “A pencil skirt is not very Mila, Mila thinks, so Mila is going to make a Russian hooker skirt and faux-fur coat. Trust Mila, Joanna. Mila knows what Mila’s doing.”
Cut, sew, steam, bitch, gossip, hem, snap, RUNWAY! Joining the judges this week was Sutton Foster, who is a big deal on ollllld Broaaaadwaaaaayyyyyy, but who is clearly out of her depth in the fashion kingdom. (It would be fun to have a street rumble between Broadway chorus girls and emaciated 7th Avenue models. Obviously the chorus girls would win, but the models would silently judge their drama club uncoolness as they got the crap beaten out of them.)
Michael’s look came down the runway first, and was very bouncy and chartreuse, but not particularly costumey. And for once, we’re looking for costumey! The model had a green thing in her hair, though, which was exciting.
Kenley sent out her feathery housecoat and ‘50s housedress.
Austin showed a gigantic, tinfoil diaper that flopped all over the place.
Jerrell channeled the evil stepmother from Disney’s Cinderella. Barf.
"Um, bitch, you stole my look."
Kara sent out a weirdly fitting skirt with a giant, ugly bow on the front of it.
Mondo, thank god for Mondo, actually GOT IT, and presented something that yes, “captures the spirit of the theater and yet is still very fashionable.” Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, and then Mila sent down her Saudi prince arm-candy.
So let’s hear what contradictory non-observations Isaac Mizrahi had to share this week: Chartreuse is hard to work with; Kenley’s shoes look like a crackhead whore passed out in an East Village apartment doorway; Austin’s dress is “wonderful but borders on too-young but that’s my roundabout way of saying I really like it, Austin Starlet.” Also, he loved Mia’s ugly fake fur coat and Mexican table cloth skirt, but together, he didn’t like them, and Mondo’s model was sexy in a “crazy, passive-aggressive way.” THANKS, ISAAC. This is why they pay you the big bucks. In the end, Mondo was triumphant, and Mila and Kara were rightly in last place. It wasn’t Mila’s time, though. It was Kara’s. Here come the waterworks!
1. Who are going to be in the top three? I think Mondo and Austin are locks. Which means either Kenley or Michael will take the third spot.
2. Who had the ugliest design this week?
3. Why does Isaac Mizrahi keep getting hired to judge these fashion shows? He’s awful!