So much drama happened in Project Runway All-Stars' "Finale, Part 1!" We napped, we ate (but missed dessert), we shopped for and bickered over models, we napped a little more, and then we had to choose from a pile of discarded scraps we thought we no longer had any use for. (I’m referring to the designers.) No, not a hell of a lot of important happened this week, save for the fact that Mondo said he he had a “man crush” on Isaac Mizrahi. First of all, barf. Second of all, I think the term “crush” suffices when you actually want to have sex with the person. And third of all, barf. In other news: Austin shaved off his ridiculous pedostache. Hooray! I guess?
The All-Stars finale isn’t related in any way to the fabulosity of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week. Instead, the finalists were asked to make a five-outfit mini-collection in four days. So sorry, folks, but no home visits to family dairy farms by Joanna Coles in designer mukluks, unfortunately. Instead, the trio headed to the Marie Claire offices, which apparently are located at the top of the world’s longest escalator somewhere on the 43rd floor of Heaven. There, a reformed gang member greeted them and brought them to a conference room, where they were forced to wait for Joanna for approximately four hours. (I actually like that they left that detail in the final edit, and didn’t make it seem as though Joanna leaped up from whatever it was she was doing to greet them. Because let’s face it, this is all about power, of which she had much at that moment, and they had very little. POWER! HAHAHAHA!) Anyway, Michael asked about the “guest editor” position he's heard so much about, and Joanna made up some spiel about how whoever wins it is going to have lots of input and not just be fetching coffee, and everyone seemed to believe her, and off the designers went to sketch magic. (Except Mondo, who was cursed with clumsy little monkey fingers that can’t draw.)
I think Austin’s description of his stylistic influences should be put in a museum: “I sort of see this woman as if she stepped out of a Fragonard painting but she is a modern-day rock star meets chasidic gentlemen.” That it, Austin? You sure now? No Delacroix/extra-terrestrial/X-ray lab technician/Polish nun influences? Okay. Just so long as you’re sure. Mondo was being a moody little bitch for most of the episode, and struggled with a theme—but landed on “therapy,” and devised a clever Rorschach-test pattern for some of his fabric. (It came out in the After the Runway episdoe that followed that Mondo had ended an 11-year relationship right before filming had begun, which goes a long way toward explaining his dour mood.) Michael is doing a safari resort wear line that will appeal to Patsy and Edina. And that's about it! I’ll have a much more detailed recap next week, when we've actually gotten to see the three mini-collections and have crowned a winner.
In the meantime, stay on Chasidic Fragonard Rock Star trend, people!