Only eight designers are left: The best of the best! Plus Kara and Jerrell. This week’s task required the dresstestants to design a weekend getaway look for a specific season, in four separate, head-to-head challenges. I like how the All-Star challenges have been mostly straightforward and design-oriented, and not encumbered by silly, sponsor-dictated requirements like “design a dress that a Fiat could wear.” So here’s how things shook out: Mila and Rami got autumn; Jerrell and Michael got winter; Mondo and Kenley got summer; and Austin and Kara got spring. Their girls were going to various fabulous hot spots—Kenley’s to going to Art Basel in Miami; Mila’s to Marfa, Texas; Mondo’s to his mother’s 60th birthday party (?); and Kara’s to... Costco. (I think.)
The big controversy this week, which I’ll dub TauntaunGate, came when Michael tossed out his original design idea to instead craft a poncho-type coat out of heavy wool fabric that, if you squinted, closely resembled a similar pile of heavy clothes accumulating on Jerrell’s dress form, which itself resembled a Tauntaun from The Empire Strikes Back. Jerrell strongly felt that he came up with the Tauntaun idea first, and then Michael, in a moment of desperation, stole the Tauntaun from him.
Joanna showed up in the workroom and shared many nuggets of wisdom with us. Example: High-waisted pants feel very fashion-forward in a good way. ALSO! If you can make great pants, then you’re already a step ahead. AND! Beige is a very American sportswear color. FURTHERMORE! Chartreuse is very on-trend. Okay, she’s just making this crap up, isn’t she? Yes, I believe she is. A little later, TauntaunGate came to a head over a gross spaghetti dinner, though to Jerrell’s credit, not a single handful of spaghetti was squished into Michael’s face as he screamed, “Here! Here is your wool poncho! Choke on it, you design-thief!”
Commercials, commercials, hair, makeup, hair, snip, sew, leather trim, accessorize... RUNWAY! Cynthia Rowley joined us this week as guest judge, sitting just to the right of Isaac Mizrahi, who is officially an idiot. Also, please do not bare your ankles, Isaac. The world needs to see your ankle-skin poking out of your slipper-loafers about as much as it needs to hear your completely banal and wrong observations about fashion. Bring back Sean Avery! We want Sean Avery!
Now to the face-offs: Spring was out first, and there’s literally nothing I could say about Austin Scarlett’s design that would be more apropo than Jerrell’s observation that Austin had created a look for the “oldest Golden Girl.” (For the record, that would be Sophia.) After last week’s “trendy” atrocity and now this, Austin has really been humiliating himself on this show lately. He has no idea what any woman under the age of 70 wears or would ever want to wear. And yet Kara’s outfit was somehow worse. It looked like the kind of clothes you don’t fold and pack—you just ball them up and toss them into a Rite-Aid bag as you head to the Greyhound station. And the colors, barf. Plum, white, and gray. What a chic pallet! But Kara somehow took the challenge over Austen’s high-waisted grandma, and I was a little relieved, actually.
Mondo and Kenley both went for polka-dots, a recurring pattern in both of their designs. Literally! Ha ha ha! I crack myself up. Q. What’s black and white and snore all over? A. Mondo’s outfit. Kenley’s was a very flattering—uh, what do you call that? Hoochie jumpsuit? But let’s face it, only a handful of girls could pull something like that off without looking like an overgrown toddler in a onesie. Kenley won, and Mondo, being given an ounce of criticism, had a crying fit on the runway and needed to be consoled in the green room.
Mila vs. Rami was a tough one, mainly because both of them were kind of horrible. Mia designed a beige and black cape that had holes to stick your arms through, and a pair of jeans. No woman would want to wear that, I’m sorry, unless they were hiding a pregnancy in 1973. But then Rami, poor Rami, paired an overly complicated top the color of Slimer from Ghostbusters with a blue wrap jacket that was actually interesting and probably would have been better served with a much simpler garment beneath it. Mila won. Whatever.
And then TauntaunGate. These outfits make me want to kill myself, actually, but the judges liked them both. Jerrell took the high score, and the whole damn win! Way to go, Jerrell. Your overblown confidence has finally manifested itself in genuine success.
In the end, the elimination came down to Austin and Rami, and Rami was sent home. Which means Kara is still standing. Which is utterly absurd. Why?! That outfit was hideously boring.
– What is Kara Janx still doing on this show?
– Why does Austin Scarlett think designing for grandmas is cool?
– Do you think Michael copied Jerrell?
– Do you think Mondo overreacted to his critique?